Tpoppa Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I've done it a few times before, even though it seemed like a bad idea...and it was. The situation has come up again It can be tough to balance family vs. being responsible for one's bad money decisions. What are your thoughts on loaning $$ to family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magley64 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Personally, Immediate family only... They wouldn't be asking me if they didn't really need it. I also make sure it's not anything I'll be missing if I don't see it for quite a while... if they are in that big of a pickle, they might need some time to get it back. I've loaned and borrowed from my dad and my sister, currently I owe my dad a small chunk of change, but I'm hoping to have him paid back before the end of the year. I'll have my sis paid up this month. I prefer to be on the loaning side than on the borrowing side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_Copeland Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 My wife loaned her Aunt 700.00 to help pay for a wedding.... 5 + years later we haven't gotten a dime back,probably won't ever see it, To top it off,we also put 400.00 worth of flowers for said wedding on my account and as you can guess,I ate that too. Just my 2 cents ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue03636 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I have done this a few times. Some will pay you back and some won't. Once I know they won't, never again and it just got to the point where I just tell everyone no. I have my own shit to pay for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 depends on the family member. One family member I have no qualms about lending to, another, I keep telling them that we are strapped for $$$ too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madcat6183 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Tough one but agree with above, if you decide to loan it, basically write it off right away from the get go. Same thing goes for buying large items with say a friend, or even family member other than wife/parents. Chances are whoever fronts any money will never see the rest of it. Kid still owes me $350.00 from a camper we bought in 08ish. Only paid 3500 but once it was time for a buyout, never saw all the agreed upon funds, got about 1/2 of it and that was it. We still talk, I don't bring it up, and every once in a while he will tell me he still plans to pay me. He hit some tough spots losing his job multiple times, so I dont ask. But always has new clothes, shoes, beer, chew, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pokey Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Depends on why and the circumstances for me, and a money gift and loan or 2 different things. I would be more likely to loan a good friend money, odds seem better for many that they will get paid back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted November 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I have no problem loaning a few bucks when something unexpected happens...even though I strongly believe everyone should keep a 'just in case' fund. But, I have some non-immediate family that always seem to have money for cigarettes & beer, but just can't seem to make ends meet. They ask for 'help,' but really just want some money. IMO, really helping someone doesn't include enabling their bad habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScubaCinci Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Depends on the family member, the amount, what it's for and can I afford to lose that money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J_Copeland Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Tough one but agree with above, if you decide to loan it, basically write it off right away from the get go. Same thing goes for buying large items with say a friend, or even family member other than wife/parents. Chances are whoever fronts any money will never see the rest of it.Kid still owes me $350.00 from a camper we bought in 08ish. Only paid 3500 but once it was time for a buyout, never saw all the agreed upon funds, got about 1/2 of it and that was it. We still talk, I don't bring it up, and every once in a while he will tell me he still plans to pay me. He hit some tough spots losing his job multiple times, so I dont ask. But always has new clothes, shoes, beer, chew, etc.Said Aunt was so proud to tell everyone that she bought both her adult kids brand new PS3's for Christmas two months after we shelled out 1100.00 for her daughters wedding ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad324 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Nope I'm not a bank I don't loan anybody money. If I'm in the position to just give out money it's goin to be a gift 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magley64 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Sounds like you've correctly assesed the situation... i'd respectfully decline with "sorry, can't do it" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tpoppa Posted November 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 After repeated installments of good intention, he came to us one more time for money. I told him I would not loan him another dime, but would sit down with him and draw up a budget that he could live with. It involved selling his car and limiting a plethora of other non-essentials. He told me, in no uncertain words, to go fuck myself. We rarely speak to this day. This is pretty close to what I am dealing with right now. That stupid saying about...give a man a fish vs. teach a man to fish is pretty much spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRMN8TR Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Tony, doesn't sound like you should be loaning any money to whoever it is that wants it. They're gonna blow it on more beer and cigarettes. I would loan my parents or brother money, but not many others. I also trust them to pay me back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 my theory on loaning money is that im never going to get it back... so if i can live with never getting it back, then im fine with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redkow97 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I've never had family members approach me about money - but I've never had much to lend either. In my mind, there's a big difference between loaning someone a few hundred bucks, and a few thousand. I'm not going to sweat a few hundred. I don't think i'd loan family money. I'd just assume give them money if they need it badly enough to ask. Lending is a funny thing though - it's got to be one of the only scenarios where you can do something to help another person, and THEY get mad at YOU when you expect them to pay you back, as you agreed upon when the loan was given. No good deed goes un punished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CBBaron Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Like her other brother, she told me to get fucked and decided pregnancy would better suit her. We don't talk much these days. I do miss her, but I don't regret my position. I regret her choice, but that isn't something I can put on myself. She made that decision. Your family will have to make theirs.Wow that deal sounded more than generous!!!It is sad when people will not accept help because they are too lazy. No story to tell but loaning money to family, it depends. My immediate family or in-laws I would loan if they needed no problem, except my brother. He might pay it back, if reminded... But more likely his wife would spend it on more Potterybarn shit they dont need. Craig Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cdubyah Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 I don't have a problem lending money for something that is needed. I would rather just pay for the item that way I know where my money went.I do have a problem when I lend money or buy something, then the person turns around and spends their money on something they don't need instead of paying me back. My wife has a friend who is not so good with money ask us to co-sign on a student loan for her. She currently can't pay the student loans she has. Put a stop to that right quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue-yamaR6s Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 My brother is terrible with money. He's always fucking broke and he makes more money than I do. After repeated installments of good intention, he came to us one more time for money. I told him I would not loan him another dime, but would sit down with him and draw up a budget that he could live with. It involved selling his car and limiting a plethora of other non-essentials. He told me, in no uncertain words, to go fuck myself. We rarely speak to this day. "If you loan a friend $20, and you never see that person again.... it was a good investment."Interesting topic...My brother has been doing this to me and my family for a very long time now. All the money that I have ever given to him I never got back. He has never paid anyone in my family back that I know of. It's kind of made bad blood in the family. My parents have enabled and let him get away with it because they beleive his BS stories of everything under the sun and why he needs it. One place he recently worked "couldn't pay him for months because they couldn't make payroll," so he needed money. When he came to me for money I set up a budget for him to follow and he basically said F-you like others have had happen. He always has money for his cigarretts, beer and spending money for his girl friends but has no intentions of paying anyone back. I won't do it anymore. He knows not to ask me for money. I say, if it's family be prepared to never get it back. Family always thinks they can keep a running tab. It's one thing to help someone but to enable them to keep making bad decisions is another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magley64 Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 After reading a bunch of the responses I realize how fortunate i am to have the family I have... Dad is 100% good for any penny he borrows, no questions asked. If i got it and he needs it, he can borrow it for as long as he needs, even if it puts me in a pinch. Sis is 100% good for it "eventually". She has 3 kids and she needs to provide for them first. I trust she will always pay me back when she can, so I give her what she needs, too. Both of them have lent me money when needed, and they trust me 100% as well.. it's just the way we roll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gump Posted November 4, 2013 Report Share Posted November 4, 2013 Fortunate as well I guess. There's an unspoken family law, you don't break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gixxus Christ! Posted November 5, 2013 Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 One thing about friends and family: they're the first ones to fuck you over because they think they can get away with it. My fiancé loaned a friend of hers $500 a few years ago and she will never see a dime. She gets plenty of excuses tho. She even went as far as to get this woman a job at her mom's deli and still it's nothing but excuses. She eventually stopped asking. If I loan a friend money I get collateral. I don't loan to family period, there are plenty of other people in my family with piles of cash, ask one of them I got a mortgage to pay. May sound shitty but it is what it is. I like to help people out when I can, I'm not a dick, but I also am no chump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tall_tracy Posted November 5, 2013 Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 Loaning money to family never ends well... Unless you go into it with the expectation of never getting it back. On the flip side, I would never borrow money from my family either. My dad is a little nuts about money. He tried offering me a loan before I lost my house but I didn't want to be put in the situation of constant nagging from him. Even though I am good about bills and making payments on time. I lost my house due to reduced income from being laid off.Family shouldn't be the way mine is, but you can't pick your family so there you go.If you can afford to never see it again, then go for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scruit Posted November 5, 2013 Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 I loaned my mother several thousand dollars once. I told her it was a loan but inside I told myself it was a gift. I never expected a penny back. I always go into money lending to family assuming I won't get it back, and won't lend enough that it would piss me off to lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashweights Posted November 5, 2013 Report Share Posted November 5, 2013 If there's one thing I learned from watching daytime judge shows, get it in writing how much you loan, when it will be paid back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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