Nick Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Dear Diary, I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You must not be in tune with my emotional needs as a woman." I am thinking "what was her first clue?" I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night so I went to sleep. The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed dept. store... I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her to take all three. She wanted matching shoes, I said "let's get a pair for each outfit." We went to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you .. she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this. You should have seen her face when she said "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cash register." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out "No honey, I don't feel like buying all of this stuff now." You should have seen her face... it went completely blank. I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a man." I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tony_K Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 HOLY S**T was that funny!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex1647545498 Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hahaha that's the best! Someone should do that and put it on video. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HotCarl Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 GOOD SHIT, that was funny good job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PonyPimpstress1647545491 Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 That's so friggin funny.... I know a few guys that are going to use those lines now hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old dirty bastard Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 LMAO!!! that was good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngryBMW Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Wow, that was good. -Marc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitrousbird Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Awesome. Simply awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stevil Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OGRE Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by Mr. 2: Hahaha that's the best! Someone should do that and put it on video. +1 My wife ever pulls that shit and I'd kick her ass right off the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devils Advocate Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Holy shit, that owns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 very nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest visualpoet Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 +50 for the guys! Mad props on a situation handled with humor and finesse! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurkvinny Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Just printed it out, so my wife can read it tonight... very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nismo Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Good one man. Why are woman like that? I have not been married but I have been with some woman like that, they'll get you WAY in the mood and BLAM,game over. What with that shit?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Elinar Longsight Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Ya'll have been with/ or are with the wrong woman if they do that to you. Not only the cuddle thing, but wanting to spend that much money too...geesh tongue.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
excell Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by Elinar Longsight*: Ya'll have been with/ or are with the wrong woman if they do that to you. Not only the cuddle thing, but wanting to spend that much money too...geesh tongue.gif As long as she doesn't say "ya'll" (or actually type it into a message!) I can deal with the rest of it. tongue.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nismo Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 Originally posted by Elinar Longsight*: Ya'll have been with/ or are with the wrong woman if they do that to you. Not only the cuddle thing, but wanting to spend that much money too...geesh tongue.gif Yeah your are probably right,,,so where are the good ones? I can't find them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandon Posted June 9, 2004 Report Share Posted June 9, 2004 intersting Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin5s Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 haha.. I remember that email going around about a year or so ago... still funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceGhost Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 That is actually a stand up comedian's act. I forget who it was. I saw him do in on Comedy Central. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahnstoermer1647545488 Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 +1 Badddd assss! smile.gifsmile.gif Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ambrosia Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 BBWWWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! LOL!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
007CRX Posted June 10, 2004 Report Share Posted June 10, 2004 That's absolutely classic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.