T Rex Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Subject: OSU vs Mich OHIO STATE AND MICHIGAN It was reported that the Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing 20 players for the Ohio State game this Saturday...the rest of the players will have to dress themselves! ~ Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the ground? All five books in the library were completely destroyed.... the football team is really upset by the fire; they hadn't colored in two of the books yet! ~~~~ What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor? Columbus: 187 Miles ~~~~ What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT? Drool ~~~~ How do you get a Michigan Graduate off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza ~~~~ Four college Alumni were climbing a mountain one day: A OSU grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal fan of their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way to the top when the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountainside shouting, "This is for the fighting Irish!" Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, "This is for the Nittany Lions!" Seeing this, the OSU grad walked over and shouted, "This is for the Buckeyes!" and pushed the Michigan grad off the mountain. ~~~~ What did the Michigan grad say to the OSU grad? "Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order please?" ~~~~ A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the store." "But, I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I even played football there!" "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I better show you how." ~~~~ Two Michigan football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart onesaid proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4-6 years!" ~~~~ A Wolverine football player was almost killed today in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out an unplugged the horse just in time. ~~~~ A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read: "Here lies a Michigan graduate and a good man." The little boy asked his mother, "Mommy, why did they bury two people in there?" ~~~~ Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry starting with Jim taking over as the OSU head coach. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did it. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Lloyd offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan so that none of those stupid Ohioans can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Lloyd and his is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Jim he'll grant him one wish. Jim says, "Fill it up with water." ~~~~ Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games? Because the senior who knew the recipe finally graduated. ~~~ What are the three longest years of a Michigan football player's life? His freshman year. Go Bucks!! Some of these people have already heard Im sure. I just thought it was funny my Grandma sent me these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 A Harvard graduate, Lloyd Carr, Jim Tressel, and the Pope are all flying to Cancun for a spontaneous vacation, when the small turboprop plane (don't ask why) starts to smoke and careen towards the earth. The pilot jumped out, leaving the four passengers with only three parachutes. The Harvard graduate said "I've got a wealth of knowledge to impart on the world, and besides, my intelligence is much more important than college football," and promptly autodefenestrated to safety. Lloyd Carr grabbed a parachute and said "I've got a pristine record to uphold, and I've got a No. 2 team that I have to lead to victory on Saturday!", and jumped out of the smoking plane to safety. The Pope looked at Jim Tressel and said "You go, son. I'm a man of his years, I've done my good for this world, and besides...I'm a Buckeyes fan. Take the parachute and go, and I'll find my peace." Tressell smiled at the Pope and said "It's okay, Holy Father, Lloyd just jumped with the Harvard grad's backpack." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sciongirl Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Hahaha... that's even better if you really got it from your Grandma! Diana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimTheAzn Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 oh man keep em coming i know theres got to be more Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pedro1647545510 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 A Harvard graduate, Lloyd Carr, Jim Tressel, and the Pope are all flying to Cancun for a spontaneous vacation, when the small turboprop plane (don't ask why) starts to smoke and careen towards the earth. The pilot jumped out, leaving the four passengers with only three parachutes. The Harvard graduate said "I've got a wealth of knowledge to impart on the world, and besides, my intelligence is much more important than college football," and promptly autodefenestrated to safety. Lloyd Carr grabbed a parachute and said "I've got a pristine record to uphold, and I've got a No. 2 team that I have to lead to victory on Saturday!", and jumped out of the smoking plane to safety. The Pope looked at Jim Tressel and said "You go, son. I'm a man of his years, I've done my good for this world, and besides...I'm a Buckeyes fan. Take the parachute and go, and I'll find my peace." Tressell smiled at the Pope and said "It's okay, Holy Father, Lloyd just jumped with the Harvard grad's backpack." That's funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RX-7 Addict Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 A seven year old boy was at the center of a Franklin County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr, who the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone from Columbus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 A seven year old boy was at the center of a Franklin County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the University of Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr, who the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone from Columbus. i like that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duff1647545513 Posted November 17, 2006 Report Share Posted November 17, 2006 A stockbroker, on his way home from work in Columbus, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems much worse than usual." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer, what's the hold up?" The officer replies, "Lloyd Carr is depressed, so he stopped the team bus and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He is tired of losing to Ohio State every year and says that the university has cut back on his recruiting budget, making it more difficult for him to sign quality players. We're taking up a collection for him." The stockbroker asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 75 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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