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Itt: My Fucking Roommate Is Masturbating


El Karacho1647545492

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Cliffs:

1) (*$(*)(*#$!#(*$%^@^%@#

2) Roommate :jerkit:

3) rant

4) solution?

5) ...

6) profit?

 

 

Oh goddamnit this is so fucking unkosher. Who the fuck would sit in his bed and spank his hog while another dude is even in the same room?????? MY ROOMMATE, THATS FUCKING WHO!!!!!!! What's worse is this kid is my friend and its not like I don't chill with him all the time, so avoiding him altogether is out of the question.

 

He just puts in his goddamn headphones, puts his laptop in his bed, puts his knee up so he thinks I won't notice anything, and proceeds to make the covers shudder more than Courtney Love in a pharmacy with a blank prescription sheet. And this all happens in my goddamn peripheral vision. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I can't even fathom how blueballed you'd have to be to do this, but goddamnit WHY DOES HE DO IT WHILE I'M HERE? I WAS OUT OF THE ROOM FOR 10 HOURS TODAY. WHY CAN'T HE GET HIS JOLLIES THEN? Then, he goes into the bathroom and talks to me on the way like I DIDN'T just notice him jerkin' his gherkin. Every goddamn night for the past week.

 

Okay, so how do I fucking handle this. Do I just leave from the hours of 12-430 in the morning? Do I just hire him a hooker to give him one good blow to take care of his junk for a couple weeks? Do I secretly videotape it and post all over the internets for you sick fucks to see? How do I A) get it to stop or B) humiliate him?

 

Ideas I've come up with:

- start using a nightlight

- send an instant message to the girls across the hall to come barging in while he's mid-stroke and rip his covers off

- record + leave DVD on his pillow that says "I know"

- jump up while he's doing it, turn on all the lights and say "STOP MASTURBATING YOU GODDAMN HORNBALL"

- while he's doing it under the covers, put in some porn on my TV, turn up the volume, pull out my pecker and whack off in the middle of the room

- tell all my friends, let gossip take care of it

- put gay porn on the tv so he can't concentrate

- use his computer and get a gay porn virus

- get a haXX0r friend to make all porn sites automatically default to goatse

- start a website called watchmyjerkinroomie.com and profit

 

this is no :bs:

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Ummm.... I say fuck with him, that is really fucked up that he is doing that so humiliate him in a "tasteful" manner and I guarantee he will think twice before be gets his jollies off while you are in the room, or even at all.
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Hahaha. That is fucking in the roomate Bible. "Thou shalt not jerkith in the presence of thou roomate"

 

Make comments like "Dude, quit fuckin jerkin off"

 

Either he will get embarassed, and stop. If he doesn't stop after knowing you know, he has fucking problems. Punch him, and proceed to humiliate him in any way possible.

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You forgot one suggestion......Give him a hand. hahah lol!!! Damn that must suck living in a dormroom I take it. If that's the case I would have the whole floor do something to him.......

Good luck. Tell him when I'm gone is when you can beat it...but if I'm present NO GO!

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WHY DOES HE DO IT WHILE I'M HERE? I WAS OUT OF THE ROOM FOR 10 HOURS TODAY. WHY CAN'T HE GET HIS JOLLIES THEN? Then, he goes into the bathroom and talks to me on the way like I DIDN'T just notice him jerkin' his gherkin.

 

How well do you know this guy? Maybe he has a "thing" for YOU!!!

 

Hahahahaha!!! :jerkit: :gay: :zoom:

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What the hell is wrong with you?

 

The first time he ever did it you should have said "Dude, are you seriously jerking off right now??" End of problem. Roomate issues usually only develop when one or both of them are too weak to speak to eachother about their issues and let it bottle up like you have.

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Whatever you do, make it be a good prank so you and everyone in the dorm can get some enjoyment out of it since you've endured it for this long. Someone on here can come up with something better than the girls ripping his sheets off, although that's not a bad one.
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Hahaha. That is fucking in the roomate Bible. "Thou shalt not jerkith in the presence of thou roomate"

 

Make comments like "Dude, quit fuckin jerkin off"

 

Either he will get embarassed, and stop. If he doesn't stop after knowing you know, he has fucking problems. Punch him, and proceed to humiliate him in any way possible.

 

LOL that's my vote...

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he does it because hes comfortable around you.

 

Call him out on it at first if he doesn't stop get like 10 to 15 people to come in the room at once to "hangout". Guys and girls and have a couple of the guys sit on his bed. Defenitate BUZZKILL. also if you know any gay guys have them come over and have them start to fuck with him.

 

he will learn.

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Naaaa, icy-hot. Give him something to really remember. And don't forget, that don't forget, that stuff doesn't get hot right away, and the better you rub it in the hotter it gets. Perfect solution.

 

YES. Icy hot hurts like a mother on my ankles...i just don't want to imagine there.

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How well do you know this guy? Maybe he has a "thing" for YOU!!!

 

Hahahahaha!!! :jerkit: :gay: :zoom:

 

That's exactly what I thought while reading this. Like you said why does he wait and do it while you are in the room? Or maybe, if you are in the room it adds to it for him, like one of those "do it in a risky situation" type of things? I dunno though. I'd probably just tell him to wait until you are not there. Or what might work :nutkick:

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