2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 So here it is...... The girl that i love and want to spend the rest of my life with is well not feeling the same way these days. We have been together for 3 years and engaged for 2 of them. She came to me a month ago talking about how she dosent know if her heart is still in it. She says her head is still here, she loves me, shes in love with me and she wants to get married but she says she dosent know whats going on. Im just lost, i have put everything in this. I love her so much, she means the world to me and she is everything to me. We are 3 months away from marriage, what am i to do know? I want to make it work but if shes not here anymore its not fair to both of us to stay together. Its going to hurt like hell but maybe its the way it was supposed to be. what to do????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSXRAntwon Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Im sorry to hear of the uneasyness....time will tell, but till she decides what the fuck she wants, just go on living ur life. I know its hard, but dont let it get to you and ruin ur everyday man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
99BlownYellowGT Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 How old is she?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 we are both 20 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Im sorry to hear of the uneasyness....time will tell, but till she decides what the fuck she wants, just go on living ur life. I know its hard, but dont let it get to you and ruin ur everyday man. I appreciate it anthony, its just one of those things that blind sides you. You think everything is fine and BAM life throws you a curve ball! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Maybe she is nervous since the marriage day is very close? Keep showing her how much you care about her. Keep doing stuff that you know means a lot to her. If before you get married she doesn't want to go through with it let her. It will be SOOO much easier to call it off now then after you are married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedRocket1647545505 Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 PIITB lately? Try that. Report back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trix-storm Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 hey man, dont feel bad, i am 21 and just lost a 3 yr relationship where i was supposed to get married too. i am a christian and i look at things a lot different than others may but regaurdless i know its hard and u'll get over it if it doesn't work out. but best of luck to you, as previously stated dont let it destroy you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Maybe she is nervous since the marriage day is very close? Keep showing her how much you care about her. Keep doing stuff that you know means a lot to her. If before you get married she doesn't want to go through with it let her. It will be SOOO much easier to call it off now then after you are married. See thats what i think it is, i know she loves me and i know this is what she wants. I am im doing everything i can at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 "I never post about my personal life but..." These always start off that way. And now since you have... I would talk to her about putting off the wedding for awhile. Who cares if you have to change plans, inform family, etc. What matters is this decision, one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life. You should question her more deeply, though. Maybe she can't actually admit to wanting to end it all together? Bring up putting off the wedding, but ask her if it's even worth prolonging the situation. No, it won't be easy. Yes, it will suck fuckin royally, but it will be worth it in the end. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or have second thoughts and don't voice or act on them. Look how many marriages end in divorce? Marriage is not always easy and you don't need to bring problems and doubt into one. This is very hard to comment on online. Especially, since I don't like to type and try to shorten everything. I'm not doing shit, so if you wanna come by and shoot the shit, play some games, talk about it with someone who's experienced or whatever, let me know. I'll shoot you a pm. Just know that a hug may not be included. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillJoy Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 It is Wedding Jitters. You are both young. Feelings of being tied down so early are normal. Get over it. Dating at 30+ = suck ass.... KillJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ODoyle Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 I went through the same thing when i was about to get married to a girl i have been with since i was a junior in HS,She felt odd and didnt know and it turns out in my case it was just pre wedding jitters..But if it does happen to go the other way you can not let it destroy your life IMHO if its meant to be it happens and if its not it doesn't Either way i wish you the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Bruh Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 this just happened to me too man. been together for 3yrs, engaged, even had a kid. just watch the little things that start happening. if shes starts hiding stuff, dont look past it because u love her. thats what happened to me. and u know what happened, she started talking to another guy and moved to nc and took our daughter. just watch the little things and try to make sure shes happy. if the worst happens. ull get through it. this happened to me this saturday. its will be hard but spend all u time doing things so u dont think about her and let it bother u. eaither way good luck man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 "I never post about my personal life but..." These always start off that way. And now since you have... I would talk to her about putting off the wedding for awhile. Who cares if you have to change plans, inform family, etc. What matters is this decision, one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life. You should question her more deeply, though. Maybe she can't actually admit to wanting to end it all together? Bring up putting off the wedding, but ask her if it's even worth prolonging the situation. No, it won't be easy. Yes, it will suck fuckin royally, but it will be worth it in the end. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons or have second thoughts and don't voice or act on them. Look how many marriages end in divorce? Marriage is not always easy and you don't need to bring problems and doubt into one. This is very hard to comment on online. Especially, since I don't like to type and try to shorten everything. I'm not doing shit, so if you wanna come by and shoot the shit, play some games, talk about it with someone who's experienced or whatever, let me know. I'll shoot you a pm. Just know that a hug may not be included. HAHA I appreciate the offer, and i might take you up on it pending the outcome. Im just waiting on her to come home form her parents. I think the big issue is her parents do not want to see her make a mistake. Her parents love me like their own son. Beleive me i do not want her to go through life misserable because she married someone who she does not love anymore. Even though it will hurt to let her go it will hurt more to see her everymorning and wonder how shes feeling inside. I am not a selfish person, nothing in this relationship has been about me emememememe i have always put us or her first. Which is why i dive the car i drive and yada yada yada. This is just one thing that if i could have for myself it would be her. Thats not the way i want it to be though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trix-storm Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 9t1gvr4 dude that is messed up!/\ sorry i hope u get through the storm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Jones Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 WOW, I think like 80 people on CR warned you about getting married this early last year. You replied back with such confidence and assured everyone of your amazing life experience and that this was how it was going to be. Welcome back to reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl1647545488 Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 At 20-years-old, chances are you have not met the person you're going to spend your life with. Marriage is very serious and takes a lot of hard work. Neither one of you can go into it with doubts. Trust me, it's a very good thing you are hearing this early. I agree with Christian above, talk about postponing the wedding, and see how it goes. Christian, I thought you were an advocate of hugs for Puerto Ricans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 I'm no psychologist, but I think we found the problem. Of course she's unwary, she has plans to get married before she can experience going out to clubs with friends, maybe picking up random guys (just the possibility, not actually wanting to do that), going out, growing up a little, etc. If you two get married at age 20 there's a sky-high chance you'll be divorced by 30 anyways. I'm 29 and can barely fathom being locked in with someone. You two should take a break, live life while you're still young. In 9 years you'll look back and be thankful. Not everyone is into that stuff. Me being one of them and i know she isnt into that stuff either. Atleast the girl i proposed to wasnt. I can honestly say i have never drank and dont plan on it. Please, because of my age do not put me into that category. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 this just happened to me too man. been together for 3yrs, engaged, even had a kid. just watch the little things that start happening. if shes starts hiding stuff, dont look past it because u love her. thats what happened to me. and u know what happened, she started talking to another guy and moved to nc and took our daughter. just watch the little things and try to make sure shes happy. if the worst happens. ull get through it. this happened to me this saturday. its will be hard but spend all u time doing things so u dont think about her and let it bother u. eaither way good luck man. I feel for you bud, we dont have a kid but we just bought a dog which kind of feels like a kid. It seems like this is happening alot, it also seems like its because of the women. Why are women crazy? Now i see why most guys are single forever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 At 20-years-old, chances are you have not met the person you're going to spend your life with. Marriage is very serious and takes a lot of hard work. Neither one of you can go into it with doubts. Trust me, it's a very good thing you are hearing this early. I agree with Christian above, talk about postponing the wedding, and see how it goes. Christian, I thought you were an advocate of hugs for Puerto Ricans. lol It's not guaranteed, though. ---------------------------------------- Lot of great advice in here, CR. Gotta say, I'm impressed. Take a little of each, man and use what what you need to get through this the best way you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl1647545488 Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 Not everyone is into that stuff. Me being one of them and i know she isnt into that stuff either. Atleast the girl i proposed to wasnt. I can honestly say i have never drank and dont plan on it. Please, because of my age do not put me into that category. It's not just about drinking and clubbing. I would have never gotten married that early because I wanted to focus on my education and career first. I just got married at 30 this past February. So far I feel that I've made the right choice. I can offer my wife so much more than I could have 10 years ago. I'm with you, no drinking, no smoking, no clubbing. But just because of that, don't go off getting married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reed44 Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 9t1gvr4 dude that is messed up!/\ sorry i hope u get through the storm +1 man, That harsh. I hope you figure something out for the best. -Topic. I have been where you are before. I have been with the same girl for 4 years and went through situations like this. The best thing right now is to not force her to stay with you. Let her do it on her own, but like said show her how much you care and want it to work. I now have a kid on the way with her and its all I can do to make it work with us. Hope you the best Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pointslow Posted April 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 I am really impressed i have to say with everyone on here except jones and not brian. What can i say i knew it when i signed in that you 2 would say something like that. I really appreciate everyones response, i hope it works out. If it dosent, its time for ME and i get to buy a new car! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HotCarl Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 So here it is...... The girl that i love and want to spend the rest of my life with is well not feeling the same way these days. We have been together for 3 years and engaged for 2 of them. She came to me a month ago talking about how she dosent know if her heart is still in it. She says her head is still here, she loves me, shes in love with me and she wants to get married but she says she dosent know whats going on. Im just lost, i have put everything in this. I love her so much, she means the world to me and she is everything to me. We are 3 months away from marriage, what am i to do know? I want to make it work but if shes not here anymore its not fair to both of us to stay together. Its going to hurt like hell but maybe its the way it was supposed to be. what to do????? So Im pretty sure you and I have butted head's about this very topic before and I wont be the person to say 'told you so'. Ive never believed in kicking a man when he's down especially in this situation. But I will say I can relate. I was with someone for a while. We were both young and honestly thought we would get married some day. The worst day of my life was the day I realized we would never be together again. And the worst was that it never just ended it was one of those slow drawn out breakup's, much like what you seem to be going through. This is gonna suck to hear but coming from someone in the same situaiton, this is the easiest way to approach the future. Give it up. Break it off for good. Because if you are 'on a break' your gonna worry about who she's with and what shes doing ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Dont put yourself through that, you have to realize your better than that. The best way to approach it is to give her the space she needs but be a man about it. Dont call her everyday, dont harass her just let her go and go do your own thing. Date other girls even if your heart isnt in it it will be good to meet new people. If its meant to be and what she said about wanting to marry you is true then she will come back to you. That is... if you want her back at that time. So... you guys were together from ages 17-20!?!?!?! damn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earl1647545488 Posted April 18, 2008 Report Share Posted April 18, 2008 So Im pretty sure you and I have butted head's about this very topic before and I wont be the person to say 'told you so'. Ive never believed in kicking a man when he's down especially in this situation. But I will say I can relate. I was with someone for a while. We were both young and honestly thought we would get married some day. The worst day of my life was the day I realized we would never be together again. And the worst was that it never just ended it was one of those slow drawn out breakup's, much like what you seem to be going through. This is gonna suck to hear but coming from someone in the same situaiton, this is the easiest way to approach the future. Give it up. Break it off for good. Because if you are 'on a break' your gonna worry about who she's with and what shes doing ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Dont put yourself through that, you have to realize your better than that. The best way to approach it is to give her the space she needs but be a man about it. Dont call her everyday, dont harass her just let her go and go do your own thing. Date other girls even if your heart isnt in it it will be good to meet new people. If its meant to be and what she said about wanting to marry you is true then she will come back to you. That is... if you want her back at that time. So... you guys were together from ages 17-20!?!?!?! damn. This is the toughest, yet best solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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