Job/Girlfriend Question

[r6allstar]

lol Gump.. my next thread would be me asking for a place to live haha

JRRMii.. that is just the way I feel about the girlfriend/wife thing.. if you are my girlfriend I dont think you have the right to my money or even the right to tell me what I do with it, everything is 50/50.

As my wife, I think it is something that is shared. Is that right or wrong, I dont know. That is just how I feel now but that could change.

I dont think that means that I am not committed to her or that I do not treat her as well as I would if she were my wife but as my girlfriend I dont think she has that right.

[Disclaimer]

That's a different way of looking at things...

[r6allstar]

different from who? you?

again, I am not saying it is right or wrong but it is simply an opinion.. just like your opinion is that you would not handle it that way. I can respect that

[Disclaimer]

I'm not being a dick, I'm just saying, it's different (would it be better if I used the word 'interesting' instead?)... I've heard a lot of opinions, but that's the first time I've ever heard someone treating their wife or girlfriend exactly the same, except for when it comes to money. But by all means, you live however you see fit.

Quote: "I dont think that means that I am not committed to her or that I do not treat her as well as I would if she were my wife but as my girlfriend I dont think she has that right"

Personally, since we're basically in similar situations (long term relationships), after so much time the title or wife vs. girlfriend really is moot. If I married my girlfriend, nothing would change in our relationship other than we'd have a piece of paper saying we're married. I guess the way I see your situation is you're incentivizing your girlfriend to get married to gain access to your money.

Quote: "if you are my girlfriend I dont think you have the right to my money or even the right to tell me what I do with it, everything is 50/50.

As my wife, I think it is something that is shared."

If you want to be married, you're doing it right.

Edited December 22, 2008 by JRMMiii

[r6allstar]

Well I never looked at it like I was "incentivizing" anything.. I am not going around telling her that if she is willing to marry me then I will give her access to my money. If she thinks that is her only incentive to get married then I guess we DO have some issues. Never have I felt like I was holding money over her head.. maybe she would disagree but it has never come up. She knows that if there is anything that she wants then all she has to do is tell me.. but I dont think she has the right to tell me what I can can and cannot spend my money on since I earn it.

Edited December 22, 2008 by r6allstar

[ninjachk08]

i only read some of the comments, i know youve been together for awhile. but do you live together?? if not, then you do or don't say anything..no big deal. she either knows what you make or not.

but i think if you live together, then she needs to know. or it at least depends on how you do your bills.

when i moved in with my bf, we brought all our money together then paid the bills like that. it was best that way for us at least, cuz he made alot more than i. so we depended on his check.

if anything, since this is an issue. you can at least tell her, but make it clear what you plan on doin with the extra

[r6allstar]

We do live together but split everything, with the exception of groceries, 50/50.. with the groceries turning it to 55/45 at times (me being the 55). So since we split everything then there was no need to have joint pooled accounts. Not to mention that I am not always going to agree with what she spends her money on and vice-versa.

I dont mind paying a little more but it is hard for me to be OK with paying an extra hundered dollars on a bill and then she turns around spends an extra hundred on clothes and shoes..

[John]

hookers ftw. they do all the things your gf wont, plus they leave when its done too.

thats what you call a "win win" situation.

[SchmuckGirl]

This type of problem is why I always try to be the larger wage earner of the relationship, lol, I don't have to try to go for his money :lol:

[cbrjess0815]

This type of problem is why I always try to be the larger wage earner of the relationship, lol, I don't have to try to go for his money :lol:

I agree with ya on that one!

[max power]

I'm married so I'm going to hire a hooker

to clean my house.

[Gump]

you mean your tool shed

[Ryan]

I think it is odd how you look at your relationship. Shouldn't a relationship be about your commitment to eachother and the "relationship" that you have with that person? I split everything with my boyfriend, but if I were married I would want to have our bank accounts pooled together because I would assume we would pay the same bills and all. Right now I live with my boyfriend and two other guys so it's an odd situation.

If I were your girlfriend though, I would be mad that you didn't tell me you got a raise, what's the big deal? And I would feel hurt that you didn't trust me with the information or feel comfortable enough to tell me.

I agree with having personal money, but I don't feel like it should be so much that you could just go out and buy a bike or something like that, that is a lot of money and could be used towards something else more important, at least I feel that it should be discussed and agreed upon when a large amount of money is being tossed around.

[Gump]

sTAY AWAY FROM rYAN

Because of this----you have an entitlement opinion

I feel that it should be discussed and agreed upon when a large amount of money is being tossed around.

It's his money?

[wolfman]

I don't feel like it should be so much that you could just go out and buy a bike or something like that, that is a lot of money and could be used towards something else more important

:eek::eek::eek:What is more important than a bike?! You need to get your priorities straight!

[max power]

Calm down, Gump........Deep breath..........Ryan is not your ex.........put the sharp objects away.........

[r6allstar]

I think it is odd how you look at your relationship. Shouldn't a relationship be about your commitment to eachother and the "relationship" that you have with that person? I split everything with my boyfriend, but if I were married I would want to have our bank accounts pooled together because I would assume we would pay the same bills and all. Right now I live with my boyfriend and two other guys so it's an odd situation.

If I were your girlfriend though, I would be mad that you didn't tell me you got a raise, what's the big deal? And I would feel hurt that you didn't trust me with the information or feel comfortable enough to tell me.

I agree with having personal money, but I don't feel like it should be so much that you could just go out and buy a bike or something like that, that is a lot of money and could be used towards something else more important, at least I feel that it should be discussed and agreed upon when a large amount of money is being tossed around.

Well first off we are not married so my money is not her money and so forth. Dont get me wrong, I would give her every penny of it is she needed it, but that doesnt mean she should have the right to tell me what I should be spending it on.

And, I understand that she could potentially have her feelings hurt since I did not tell her about the money but I know what would happen in our situation so I think that is what is best for me... I think.

I just think that everything should be 50/50... if you think you need more money then go work hard and earn more money. But know that I have you covered if need be. Marriage would change things completely but that is a whole different thread

[ninjachk08]

oops.. guess what i said dont count in this thread no more.lol..

considering i went out of the blue and bought a bike.

[jeremygsxr]

I say tell her you got a raise, get a b.j. , and call it special. Don't make a big deal about it, so shwe doesn't thin k it's a lot. If she asks just give round-a-bout answers. No details. If she is the normal woman, she will need to know every detail, but just tell her it's best for all of mankind if you don't disclose the information. If she pesists, reply with (in Jack Nickolson voice) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH".

[r6jess]

it's not wrong, your not married but i wouldn't keep it from her. she will find out some how. then she will maybe wonder about a lot of things like should i break up with him, is this relationship going anywhere after 5 yrs, can i trust him, what else is he keeping from me? then you gotta ask, yourself is it worth it.

I would tell her straight out what you want.

[Gump]

I say tell her you got a raise, get a b.j. , and call it special. Don't make a big deal about it, so shwe doesn't thin k it's a lot. If she asks just give round-a-bout answers. No details. If she is the normal woman, she will need to know every detail, but just tell her it's best for all of mankind if you don't disclose the information. If she pesists, reply with (in Jack Nickolson voice) YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH".

Tell her in the car......Roadhead is best.....

[r6allstar]

Lol all great answers.. I'm just going to get a hooker and be done with it

[SAMBUSA]

Hookers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[max power]

Tell her in the car......Roadhead is best.....

Excellent advice Gump... High Five.

No and Hookers is tied, so, don't tell her and get a Hooker.

Edited December 24, 2008 by max power

[12oclocker]

You dont need to tell her how much you make, your doing the right thing by not wanting to "live above your means", women like to spend ever cent they encounter.