Guest mitsumodder Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) pretty good read! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1363379397.html Observations on sex from a single woman - w4m Date: 2009-09-07, 11:22PM EDT So, I'm a single, classy, well-educated, professional, in shape, cool woman... I'm dating and on the somewhat rare occasions when I meet somebody cool... someone I connect to and have chemistry with... I have sex. Here are some observations and tips for you guys from a somewhat sexually frustrated woman: 1) Condoms are a must... wear it and shut the fuck up about it. I haven't had sex without one in over 10 years and I deal with it, so can you. Your shit is just not great enough for me to even consider having that kind of trust with you, especially the first few times we hook up. I mean, seriously. Yes I know it feels better and it's hard (no pun intended) for you to cum when you're wearing one. That just means you're not working hard enough for the orgasm... you're lazy. Get in there and work it out, dammit. Others have been successful and so can you. Which leads me to #2... 2) You put a condom on and your shit just goes limp. You have a hot-ass girl wanting your dick inside her... you see her there laying in front of you, looking at you with "that look," and you can't get hard? Again, put some heart into it. You inevitably say, "I hate these things." I don't care. Stop thinking about the fucking condom and make it work. Seriously. 3) You're in the zone, working it out... good shit. But I say, "Hold on, can I get some KY real quick?" Stop getting pissed off and/or offended... You say, "How come you're not wet?" Um, I am, or I was, but after a good amount of time, rubber dries, which contributes to me drying out, and it fucking hurts. I WANT you to keep fucking me... I just want to get some fucking lube. I have your best interests at heart too, believe me. A little bit of lube never hurt anybody. 4) Sometimes I just want the dick... I don't want oral sex. It's not that you're bad or good at it, I'm just not in the mood... I just want your cock. Just an FYI. 5) It takes me a good amount of time to cum... it just does. Believe me... if I want you to stop, you'll know it. If I don't say anything or push you the fuck off me, just keep going. Pay attention to my facial expressions (open mouth, no sound coming out, but it looks like I'm screaming = good)... my feet (when my toes start to curl, keep doing whatever you're doing)... my hands and fingers and grip (if I'm kind of holding your hips at a certain angle... follow my lead). 6) Go ahead... grip me up a little (but, there is a fine line... don't cross it). Grab my hair... grab the back of my head... make me feel hot and wanted... it's fucking hot and I love it. Start gently and see what happens... 7) Reverse cowgirl just doesn't work for everybody. It's not my thing. 8) Tell me how good I feel... sigh... make a little noise. I don't need to hear you roaring like a T.Rex or anything, but don't be mute. It's unnerving. 9) Make me look at you... tell me to open my eyes. But don't stare like you're going to drill holes through my head. I sometimes get lost in my own little pleasure world and forget to look at you and watch what you're doing to me. Remind me. 10) Boobs can be sensitive at different times of the month... just know that and approach accordingly. I'll usually let you know ahead of time if I'm sore. Try to remember. 11) Don't forget about the neck and ears during sex. That's when I'm sometimes the most sensitive and it feels amazing having you that close. 12) Funny noises are going to happen... I might laugh out of minor embarassment and because it's just funny. It's okay, you can laugh too. I'm not laughing at you and I'm sorry if it feels that way. 13) Don't just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it's not. That's just not cool. 14) I don't get the finger-licking thing... especially when you just all up and stick your nasty fingers in my mouth. 15) Having sex when you're high is one of the best things ever. Just had to say that. 16) When you start to put your dick inside me for the first time, take that shit slow. Make me ache for it... put the head in slowly and leave it there for a second. Make me lift my hips up and beg for it. Know that at that point, you are in control and we like it. Or at least I do. I want you to understand how good it feels... relish the moment. 17) Tell me I'm beautiful and that you love my body at least once... This is especially effective when I'm in a weird position where my stomach looks fucking insane from my angle and who knows what it looks like to you. I work out. I'm pretty tight. I can kick some cardio ass. But damn, some positions just make me look crazy. 18) Nothing gets me hotter than getting a massage, lying on my stomach... and then having you lie down on top of me, putting your head into my neck and nuzzling my ear, gently but confidently wedging my legs apart with your knee and pressing your throbbing hard cock against my ass... I'm toast. 19) I think about sex just as much as you do, maybe more. I watch porn. I masturbate. I like to have sex... I'm careful and cautious and I have no problem asking you if you've ever been tested. If you say, "Yeah... a few years ago," I'm going to be disappointed. Don't be offended or pissy that I asked you that. I would expect you to ask me the same thing. If you don't ask me back, I think that's a little odd. On that note, if I ask you to check the condom once or twice during sex, just do it. I'm paranoid, but I'm also 31, never been pregnant, and never had an STD. So... 20) Don't leave a condom for me to find (or my cat... or my mom who volunteered to clean my house while waiting for me to come home from work one day). You're usually in charge of the disposal. Sigh... that felt good. Location: Philly it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 1363379397 Edited October 23, 2009 by Benjamin How many times must members be told to cut and paste? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSUGT Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 *** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scotty2Hotty Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 *Reminder to throw condom on her front porch.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielle Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Besides number 15, because I wouldn't know... She speaks the truth about everything. Haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sol740 Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Its a dude, thats into cosplaying a fem-furry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitrousbird Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Assuming that is a chick, she can take classy off of her list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin5s Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 dude, the classiest women are the biggest freaks between the sheets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Melanie Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Just because she wrote a manual for the guys to read doesn't mean she isn't classy. She speaks the truth so well, that every guy should read this before trying to have sex with his partner. This sums up what to do perfectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffro Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 this is the funniest fucking thing ive ever read. i cant stop laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossle Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEN to that! -Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primera Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 this is the funniest fucking thing ive ever read. i cant stop laughing. Really? Virgin much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Main3s Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Really? Virgin much? Bwhaha, I thought the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrblunt Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Blocked by my work as adult/mature.....someone copy and paste that shish here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceGhost Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Blocked by my work as adult/mature.....someone copy and paste that shish here. Look at the first post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
03zoomzoom Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Sounds like some chick needs bent over in half and broke. What a crock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuBieQT Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Just because she wrote a manual for the guys to read doesn't mean she isn't classy. She speaks the truth so well, that every guy should read this before trying to have sex with his partner. This sums up what to do perfectly. amen girlfriend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossle Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I read this with Erica, had us rolling a few times. Tis true, not many guys get the hints, and most guys are in it for their own personal pleasure...takes 2 to tango and if the other half is not happy...your not happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillJoy Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 The Misses and I read this..... Our thoughts...... DUH! KillJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
verse Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 13) Don't just jam anything into my ass all random-like. That should be self-evident, but apparently it's not. That's just not cool. This is the flaw in the perfect, so I guess near works. PIITB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bam Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 This is the flaw in the perfect, so I guess near works. PIITB. Not necessarily. She said "all random-like", which I took as meaning if you ask her/tell her and work towards it, she'd take it. If then, then yeah, perfection. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeffro Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 Really? Virgin much? hey asshole, it was her excessive use of adjectives that made me laugh. shes a good writer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahnstoermer1647545488 Posted October 24, 2009 Report Share Posted October 24, 2009 I read the first sentence and stopped. This is a man writing to God about what a woman is supposed to be in a pissed of, confused, but genuine backwards-ass sort of rant. No woman would ever type that first sentence. True story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritas Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Yes, they would. Also keep in mind that she is 31, a telling from her own behest. The lingo isn't too off for a female and seriously that shit sums up the majority of how my female friends (and those i've dated) have felt or expressed things to me from one aspect to another. You're young yet, give it time Bahnstoermer. ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HotCarl Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Besides number 15, because I wouldn't know... She speaks the truth about everything. Haha. what?! really?! honestly I had more of a problem with #3 than anything else on the list. Im no prude but ive never been with a girl that couldn't supply her own .... um.... grease for the gears I suppose. Now #15, eh its ok i guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HotCarl Posted October 25, 2009 Report Share Posted October 25, 2009 Yes, they would. Also keep in mind that she is 31, a telling from her own behest. The lingo isn't too off for a female and seriously that shit sums up the majority of how my female friends (and those i've dated) have felt or expressed things to me from one aspect to another. You're young yet, give it time Bahnstoermer. ;D I agree, you can take the nicest, sweetest female in the world if she's sexually frustrated she wont hesitate to curse like a sailor about how she just wants to get fucked. "i want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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