Kid help please.

[Rally Pat]

Does spanking teach boys to not break things? Does spanking teach boys to not go where they are not allowed? Does spanking teach boys to not do things they are not allowed / supposed to do?

 

 

KillJoy

 

PS - How's the new TV?

 

Yes, it does. Sure as hell did for me. I got my ass beat with whatever my mom could find.

[Johny Utah]

Why did you rush into it? Spent every night there since you went out with her? Golden vagina? Does she have a sister? I need to find one of these golden vagina's, share it.

 

Relationships for young children can be very hard on them. Be very careful around him. If you get real close to him and her then bolt, its gonna be the hardest on the young boy.

 

Hitting any living thing in any way is incorrect. Ask the dog trainer on CR. Positive reinforcement! It works for people and animals, strange...

 

We had talked in emails and texting for a month before we even meet.

[TTQ B4U]

dude stop.... well your not going to convince those who thinks it works that it doesnt. take your own advice

 

That's the sad thing....people are so very blind that what they are doing to their kids by hitting them and yet they continue to have to do it and never ask why? Because it's not working and their too dumb to realize it. Then both the parents and kids become numb to it and hitting becomes second nature and an accepted behavior in their home. Thankfully not my home. I do stand proud to say I am better than you if you have kids and hit them as a form of punishment as mine don't need hit to behave.

 

so cops don't give warnings and at your job you don't get pulled aside or a coaching ???

 

Sure..but I've never been hit in either situation.

 

yes you get chances but what does it do if every time your kid gets sent to his room over and over and over what do you do cause obviously they dont care if they have to be in there room etc for a period of time... take away everything they have???

 

yes...in our home, my 4 & 7 year olds gets time-outs. Sitting in the corner of the mud room on a stool. gives them time to chill out if they are really acting up. If they continues to misbehave, they loses 5 minutes off their Nintendo DS or TV Time, etc.... My son gets 30 minutes of each per day and believe me, it kills him to lose 5 minutes. Let's just say he's never lost more than 10. He takes our repercussions seriously and knows it's his actions that cost him the time, not our reactions. Before our kids come out of time out they have to tell us why there are there and how they need to act/behave to avoid it next time.

 

why do you think well before all this child abuse etc etc crap that is not real abuse children respected anyone who was older than them???

 

we've had this discussion on CR before...because the state of society in terms of morality, respectful behavior and tasteful television is gradually killing our kids sense of what's right/wrong and respectful. back in the days you speak of 99% of the shit our kids are exposed to on a daily basis were not socially acceptable norms like they are today.

 

now tell me you can not find some 16 year old smoking drinking and talking back to damn near everyone they want to including the highest athority figer??? because whats the absolute worse things they know will happen they will get a fine or go to jail for a little bit???

 

The above 16 year old you speak of is challenging authority because he's never been taught what is right....or rather, he's been way too exposed to what is wrong and now feels what he's doing is socially acceptable. It's a respect thing and again, you don't instill respect by physically spanking a child or slapping a 16yr old or beating a 23yr old. You teach it and earn it by doing so.

 

The progression here is real. No different than some feeling it's acceptable to hit a large breed dog vs a small dog. Ever notice a small dog will come at you just same as a big dog if not more? They don't respond to hitting the way we "think" they do.

 

if your child was afarid of the repercautions of their actions they will not want to do those things

 

Again, you speak of instilling fear in place of teaching a child the right thing to do. Spanking them makes them "afraid" and conditions them to a "response" their actions bring. it does nothing to show them correct behavior or actions to express. Show me in the OP's situation that spanking the child is working...it's not. Show me how it will teach the child correct behavior...it won't.

 

She has been spanking him. He still keeps on doing it.

^^^ Proof

 

Tim, you're working with old data, dude. New behavioral studies.....

 

http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2010/01/05/children-who-are-spanked-just-may-be-more-successful/

 

^^Information from: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,5818...

Fox news.....'nuff said. I wouldn't cite fox news for giving me the correct weather forecast.

 

http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=2409510

 

^^ very incomplete and states several instances where the two sides disagree. Come back to me in 20 years on the subject when this gal is complete with her research.

 

http://topnews.us/content/29657-spanking-students-may-benefit-them-study

 

^^ Same exact study in your second link. Just a different source.

 

Bottom line is no, I don't see any "credible" studies showing that spanking is the best form of discipline in children. Kids are rarely spanked just once...they get repeatably spanked and it becomes accepted by the family. No thanks.

 

My kids still act up just the same, but I'm much more comfortable knowing that I don't have to repeatably hit my kids to get them to come to order. My kids not only come to order better but they learn what is acceptable and not acceptable vs being conditioned through fear or hate. I'm a smart guy and 99.9% of what I learned didn't come to me by being hit.

 

Hitting is bad.. spanking is good.

I pop my dog and strong arm him at times too. Any real trainer will tell you that with bigger breeds (and some smaller ones based on their temperment) you have to show your dominant on occasion to put them in their place...

 

Dogs have a pack-order and learn respect or their place through fear. However, you don't teach your dog to come to you by hitting him when he doesn't. I have had/have several 75lb boxers, very strong and stubborn dogs and have never ever hit them. Hitting a dog is interpreted by the dog as aggressive rather than corrective and so will not reduce the selected behavior. I'll let Ryan aka kapok6 chime in on the matter.

 

Kids and dogs are not equal either. You won't get your kid to stop picking on his sister by spanking him for doing it. Nor will you teach him to stop talking back and disrespecting you by instilling fear and challenging him into submission. All you're doing is literally "strong-arming him" What happens when you're not around to do it to him....he's doing that very same thing to others.

Edited March 4, 2010 by TTQ B4U

[87GT]

Yes, I took ADHD tests. I probably spent WEEKS of actual time taking behavioral tests. I was diagnosed as ADHD as a kid, spent almost eight years (And my parents spent almost all of my college fund) getting Ritalin, Dexedrine, and a bunch of other crap force fed to me three times a day before a psychologist finally said that I didn't have ADHD, probably NEVER had it, was misdiagnosed like thousands of other kids, and never needed any kind of medication.

 

 

Should I just open my mouth and get the usual BS from people saying I'm talking out my ass? I put up links to short-cut the fifteen posts it usually takes people here to accuse someone of making shit up before the poster finally finds a link to back up what they're saying.

You'd think I'd maybe get a little credit for checking my facts andgetting corroboration before I post.

 

Your personal experience does not mean everyone else will respond the same way to medicine and behavioral therapy. Some people respond much better to the drugs then you did. I just can't stand people who go off saying "WELL I DURRRR HAD IT AND IT DIDN'T HALP SO EVERYONE ELSE MUST BE TEH SAME."

[V8 Beast]

Dogs have a pack-order and learn respect or their place through fear. However, you don't teach your dog to come to you by hitting him when he doesn't. I have had/have several 75lb boxers, very strong and stubborn dogs and have never ever hit them. Hitting a dog is interpreted by the dog as aggressive rather than corrective and so will not reduce the selected behavior. I'll let Ryan aka kapok6 chime in on the matter.

 

Kids and dogs are not equal either. You won't get your kid to stop picking on his sister by spanking him for doing it. Nor will you teach him to stop talking back and disrespecting you by instilling fear and challenging him into submission. All you're doing is literally "strong-arming him" What happens when you're not around to do it to him....he's doing that very same thing to others.

 

I've trained over 20 dogs in my own home and volunteer at the shelter. A pop is different than hitting. Not to mention a take down when they are overly agressive has been needed on several occasions. Or are you going to tell your dog to take a time out when he is snarling at your kids? BTW, 7 of those 20 dogs are in homes with kids rather then being put down. Of the 20 only 1 didnt make it out. My techniques are not 100% garanteed to drive results, but I was taught them by a certified trainer 7 years ago so I know its not something I'm pulling from left field.

 

To answer the second part.. I stole from a store when I was 8.. my mom beat the mess out of me and I have never stolen anything again to this day. So I guess I'm proof that it does work huh??? You dont have to spank kids, and over using it is extremely bad... but if my kid thinks its funny to lay in front of cars as a game I'm going to make him wish a car did hit him.

 

What all of you know it alls are leaving out is the fact that everyone needs to be trwated different. There is no cookie cutter way to discipline your kids. You find what works for your kid and adapt as they grow older. If you only spank your kids it will get old.. the same as if you always send them to the same corner or take away something. Find what works and use it.

Edited March 4, 2010 by V8 Beast

[Tractor]

Damn libs, my 21mo old daughter gets hands smacked when she gets grabby with things she can't have. She'll be fine and a much better person than if I let her get away with it.

 

By the time she can talk to us pretty well maybe 4 she'll understand we mean business and in most cases you can then reason with her. It takes effort and most just don't get it.

 

No real point in arguing though. Its america, we all can and will do it differently, thats how things work here.

[V8 Beast]

No real point in arguing though. Its america, we all can and will do it differently, thats how things work here.

 

This.. And to add you can find people that were beat on death row the same as you can find people that had their video games taken away. The only constant is the way they were punished growing up didnt stop them from being convicted felons.

 

Another little story.. I gave my son timeout when he hit his sister and he said, "if this is all I'm getting it was worth it". Needless to say he didnt think it was worth it 30 seconds later. Yes he will still hit his sister, but in the back of his mind he knows the possibility of undesirable consequences will be there and hopefully make him stop a time or two.

 

Oh and Tim I do agree with you that she shouldnt be spanking the kid.. by this point its lost its effect

[V8 Beast]

P.S. Tyler and Paul are the result of being beat too much so be careful parents.

 

Sean, take what you have seen here and try to coach her through it. There is a lot of good advice here from both sides. Since she is the mother its best if she gains the kids respect first (my opinion). I would even suggest having her read through it with you if you dont think she'll flip on you for telling her business.

[TTQ B4U]

I've trained over 20 dogs in my own home and volunteer at the shelter. A pop is different than hitting. Not to mention a take down when they are overly agressive has been needed on several occasions. Or are you going to tell your dog to take a time out when he is snarling at your kids? BTW, 7 of those 20 dogs are in homes with kids rather then being put down. Of the 20 only 1 didnt make it out. My techniques are not 100% garanteed to drive results, but I was taught them by a certified trainer 7 years ago so I know its not something I'm pulling from left field.

 

Like you, I've had my share of fosters. I was an active member of Boxer rescue for years until we had kids. Dogs instinctively understand pack behavior and technique wise, you're leaning more towards a "forced training" vs obedience training. I understand both and given the dogs we have dealt with through rescue were never really obedience trained or have issues....kinda like my reference to kids going into military in my post above, you have to apply that type of training in some cases. Temper that though and understand dogs are not kids and kids are not dogs.

 

There is no cookie cutter way to discipline your kids. You find what works for your kid and adapt as they grow older. ..... Find what works and use it.

 

Please don't take my responses as know it all. I'm far from that and admit it. I am however going to stand with conviction on how I discipline my kids and I know it works. You're right, there's no cookie cutter method and everyone has a right to use what works for them. I suppose I'm a little liberal in this sense, but I just don't feel and have not seen that spanking my kids is needed.

[V8 Beast]

Like you, I've had my share of fosters. I was an active member of Boxer rescue for years until we had kids. Dogs instinctively understand pack behavior and technique wise, you're leaning more towards a "forced training" vs obedience training. I understand both and given the dogs we have dealt with through rescue were never really obedience trained or have issues....kinda like my reference to kids going into military in my post above, you have to apply that type of training in some cases. Temper that though and understand dogs are not kids and kids are not dogs.

 

 

 

Please don't take my responses as know it all. I'm far from that and admit it. I am however going to stand with conviction on how I discipline my kids and I know it works. You're right, there's no cookie cutter method and everyone has a right to use what works for them. I suppose I'm a little liberal in this sense, but I just don't feel and have not seen that spanking my kids is needed.

 

I didnt call you a know it all, your response was full of facts and not just full of I told you so's like others. Positive reinforcement is the best way to go, but you have to sprinkle the negative in there for certain actions if being positive doesnt stop it ya know. There is a time and a place for both imo. When my kids were born I said I would never spank them because I was beat as a kid. As a last resort I spanked my daughter after several failed attempts to stop her from acting bad at school. The result was the principal and school shrink are not trying to make her take adhd drugs anymore. From a class clown and several teacher meetings to cured adhd and sitting in her chair doing her work. So if you ask me a good ass kicking can cure adhd But seriously, If I was still taking her tv away and promising gifts she would have been expelled by now. There was no way I was putting her on medication at 7. So yes I see both sides and repsect your choice. I now spank my kids if needed but prefer positive reinforcement and taking away stuff.

 

P.S. The pound puppy I have now is a great dane boxer mix. He's not going to be rehomed like the others. The kids trained him this time and he has the best temperment of any pound dog we have had.

~sorry for going offtopic op.

[KillJoy]

I now spank my kids if needed but prefer positive reinforcement and taking away stuff.

 

So... do you spank the Misses, or just take away her toy?

 

 

KillJoy

[TTQ B4U]

I now spank my kids if needed but prefer positive reinforcement and taking away stuff.

 

You're a mod on CR, of course you apply the above. I'd throw in a comment about spanking but that will go in the gutter here fast....

 

Ninja Edit....

 

So... do you spank the Misses, or just take away her toy?

 

 

^^ see.....gutter talk already

[V8 Beast]

You're a mod on CR, of course you apply the above. I'd throw in a comment about spanking but that will go in the gutter here fast....

 

Ninja Edit....

 

 

 

^^ see.....gutter talk already

 

So... do you spank the Misses, or just take away her toy?

 

 

KillJoy

 

And this is why I apologized to the op in advance

 

And no I dont spank her, but I do erase her shows on her DVR when shes bad

[KillJoy]

And no I dont spank her, but I do erase her shows on her DVR when shes bad

 

So... you let her keep her toys?

 

:eek:

 

KillJoy

[TTQ B4U]

So... your wife needs toys?

 

:eek:

 

KillJoy

 

Fixed :bangbang:

[KillJoy]

Fixed :bangbang:

 

 

All WIVES NEED toys. You get bored with Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches for every meal, for the rest of your life.

 

 

KillJoy

[V8 Beast]

These guys are off topic. If they were beat as a kids they would be on topic like me. not only that they would be respectful enough to apologize like I did

 

Beat your kids or they will go off topic on forums!

[KillJoy]

These guys are off topic. If they were beat as a kids they would be on topic like me. not only that they would be respectful enough to apologize like I did

 

Beat your kids or they will go off topic on forums!

 

I am sorry you beat your kids.

 

Better?

 

 

KillJoy

[V8 Beast]

Beat Steve, he should be better!!!

[KillJoy]

Beat Steve, he should be better!!!

 

 

She just did.... now what?

 

:confused:

 

KillJoy

[V8 Beast]

Now you are better.

[KillJoy]

Now you are better.

 

 

Awesome Name... Awesome Sig!

 

:thumbup:

 

KillJoy

[V8 Beast]

:thumbup:

[KillJoy]

:thumbup:

 

Operation: Thread Derailment

 

Status: Complete

[GonneVille]

Your personal experience does not mean everyone else will respond the same way to medicine and behavioral therapy. Some people respond much better to the drugs then you did. I just can't stand people who go off saying "WELL I DURRRR HAD IT AND IT DIDN'T HALP SO EVERYONE ELSE MUST BE TEH SAME."

 

My personal experience was shared by thousands of other kids in the midst of the great ADHD scare of the 80s and 90s. ADHD was the mis-diagnosis of choice for almost every type of behavioral issue from all-out psychosis to simple boredom and too much sugar.

I am not stating that the condition doesn't exist, nor am I saying that treatments don't work for people who HAVE the condition, I am saying that I didn't HAVE ADHD, and neither did a great many other kids who got swept up in the Ritalin craze. Medication, behavioral therapy, or whatever else have a very hard time working on conditions that the patient DOES NOT HAVE.