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My house is alive or How to start a 'shitty' weekend?!?!


ImUrOBGYN

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So, I wake up Friday morning and lay on the couch for a bit. The girlfriend's gone for the weekend and it's just me and the dogs. I decide to get up and take my usual morning shit. As I'm nearing finish, the toilet upstairs suddenly flushes. I quickly wipe my ass and run out to grab my shorts I left in the living room. Is my girlfriend still home? Who the fuck flushed the toilet?

 

Then the toilet downstairs starts making noise and the water level drops. WTF is going on? The water level begins to get crazy and I back quickly away from the toilet. Water level drops again and I think, fuck this, I gotta flush this shit down the toilet NOW and hope for the best. So, I head in, flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom to observe from afar. All the bulk makes it down minus one wad of tp. I have angered the Gods. Noise, fetid air and water spray begin erupting from every piped orifice in my home. Toilets seemingly explode with cloudy water, drains scream and somewhere in my pipes sounds what seems to be a train at full steam...

 

At this point, I'm running room to room, completely unsure of my next step. Screaming, "What the fuck is going on?! What the fuck is going on?!" Mind you, I live in a shitty duplex, excuse me, townhome, made of cardboard and spit. This whole place is coming down. Any of you ever see Poltergeist? I know, right now, at this moment, my house is actually imploding.

 

I gather myself, run into each bathroom, (upstairs and downstairs) and shut the lids. Way too late to save the cleanliness of the bathrooms, but this stopped alot more water and broken down shit from coming through. I then run outside to find Delaware sewer outside. One across the street viewing the sewer cam and other shit and one at the end of the block cleaning the main sewer pipe. I ask the guy wtf is going on and he tells me they're cleaning the main sewer pipe. I ask if the city is going to send someone to clean my house afterward, too. "You guys just made my fuckin house explode! That can't be normal!" He tells me its rare but happens and knowing what they are doing, I understand how there are a couple ways this is possible. However, shouldn't they fuckin give a warning or something?! I fucking breathing in giardia over here (look it up) as well as my pets!

 

The amount of air pressure coming through was basically creating a sewer water mist from the drains and toilets along with the normal amount of water that were still in the toilets and whatever they flushed back through.

 

Anyway, still wating for a call from the f'n delaware sewerage facility or whatever. My duplex neighbor woke up towards the end of this and ran into his downstairs bathroom to take a shit after having an upset stomach all night. He experienced a similar situation. He stepped into water in his socks and assumed his sons were playing in the sink. Before he could yell at them, he noticed a low water level and no tp so he ran upstairs to take a shit where he nearly had it blown back up his ass. lol Other than our house, only one others I know of had a problem, but she only had the water sucked out of her toilets.

 

After cleaning up, I took a shower. Upon coming down the stairs, my old male dog decided to add a little insult to injury and hork up a bowl full of water he'd just drank onto his blanket. :rolleyes:

 

And that, my friends, is the start of a shitty weekend. :nono:

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Then the toilet downstairs starts making noise and the water level drops. WTF is going on? The water level begins to get crazy and I back quickly away from the toilet. Water level drops again and I think, fuck this, I gotta flush this shit down the toilet NOW and hope for the best. So, I head in, flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom to observe from afar. All the bulk makes it down minus one wad of tp. I have angered the Gods. Noise, fetid air and water spray begin erupting from every piped orifice in my home. Toilets seemingly explode with cloudy water, drains scream and somewhere in my pipes sounds what seems to be a train at full steam...

 

At this point, I'm running room to room, completely unsure of my next step. Screaming, "What the fuck is going on?! What the fuck is going on?!" :

 

stop doing acid?

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Great story.

 

Add more detail and it would be borderline as epic as the Ryan's Steakhouse shit story. http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html

 

Believe me, I can tell a lively story. But when it comes to having to type it all out... I gotta admit, I edit. Catch me out in the parking lot for a good story. :D

 

fap fap fap

 

You would.

 

1 guy, 1 house?

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