My wife, cancer.

[nurkvinny]

I don't want this to be a sad topic. I want this to be a "how did you cope with it " thread. In September my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's been through surgery and treatment and has started her life-long meds. It's like nothing I could have ever imagined. My guess is, since we're all old shits now, some of you have also been through this. The impact to husbands is nothing you can imagine until you go through it. So, how'd you deal with it? Suck it up buttercup doesn't quite cut it.

[Buck531]

Damnit. Sorry man. I can't speak from direct experience but my Mom had breast cancer 10+ years ago. Got through it and it's fine. I wasn't there every day as I had my own family but I couldn't imaging my wife going through that. We had a scare a year ago but it turned out to be nothing.

 

 

 

Hoping she's doing well now? Expected to make a full recovery?

[MrMeanGreen]

Maybe Tina can chime in on how she dealt with my cancer five years ago. I just reached the five year mark and am considered cured and out of remission finally.

 

I'm sorry Vince, I hate to hear this.

[TTQ B4U]

I don't want this to be a sad topic. I want this to be a "how did you cope with it " thread. In September my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. She's been through surgery and treatment and has started her life-long meds. It's like nothing I could have ever imagined. My guess is, since we're all old shits now, some of you have also been through this. The impact to husbands is nothing you can imagine until you go through it. So, how'd you deal with it? Suck it up buttercup doesn't quite cut it.

 

 

That's my biggest fear and being we are now in our early 50's something I really get on her about.

 

Jumping right into it without hijacking things, I will tell you from personal experience on my end, I shifted a lot of things in our life to cope with a medical issue. Much like Ant. it's over and beaten and I did it through food/intake only; no meds. My opinion the best thing she can do is change her diet and read up on all she can about nutrition. I'm back in night school for nutritional medicine just to educate myself.

 

Happy to point you towards a few good books and sites. I've met with the top 5 doctors in the country on the subject and am 100% convinced diet will help. Cancer can be genetic but our genes are like a loaded gun; it takes something we introduce like a catalyst to pull the trigger.

[Mace1647545504]

My sister-in-law has had to deal with it.. All I can say is we in the family did everything we could to support her.

 

The thing that really sticks in my head was my wife and I were going over to visit and we call her to see if she was up to it. She had gone bald with the chemo/radiation and wanted to know we were going to be put off by it or did she have to put her wig on. That made me think what to do. So the next time we visited I had my head shaved for her . I hoped it would make her feel more comfortable and let her know we were all behind her.

She's about 3 years clean.

[nurkvinny]

I believe more every day that diet is responsible for a huge majority of human sickness. Bad things need certain chemicals to spread. I've watched documentaries where women have beaten cancer by diet alone, mainly cutting out sugars. A coworker just had a stroke, and her doctors are telling her diet can fix her, and she's doing remarkable.

 

Through genetic testing, we know my wife is just 1 out of 8 women who gets breast cancer. She's the fittest, "cleanest" living person I know and simply got fucked.

 

The meds will throw her into early menopause and have big risks of their own. She was baptized a couple years ago and her church friends have been amazing through this. The oldest 2 kids kind of know what's going on, but just understand she has a lot of appointments.

 

Just be thankful for every day we're above ground.

[Bigbird]

Only personal experience was my aunt/godmother. Your last comment really resonates with me. She beat breast cancer once, but it kept coming back in various forms. I remember being so internally frustrated (I've actually never told anyone this) because she made NO effort to change her lifestyle, chain smoked, and ate like crap until the end. I don't resent her, but at the time I just wanted her to get better you know? I do worry about my wife because her mom had breast cancer when my wife was in high school.

 

Anyway, best wishes to you and your wife. Stay strong!

[Fiji ST]

My wife doesn’t have cancer, but My aunt had breast cancer about 20 years ago. She had a double mastectomy and went through her chemo and radiation. Has been clean since. We just celebrated her 78 birthday last month. Only other person to have cancer was my grandfather. Leukemia took him in 1983.

 

My aunt is the nicest person you’ve ever met and I truly mean that. She wouldn’t hurt a bug and she bends over backwards to help anyone and everyone. The only reason she made it was my uncle. He’s fazed by nothing and he was there for everything she went though. He was her strength and he still is. He would talk and kind of debrief himself through my dad who’s a surgeon and had done countless cancer operations.

 

I guess I’m saying is to be there for her and support her always, which I know you will. The important thing is to make sure you take care of yourself while you take care of her. Find friends, find a support group for you and her to be a part of.

 

I wish the both of you the best of luck with this.

[Red Beard]

So sorry to hear this man, it's a shitty road to be on. I have not had it first hand with my wife, but several of my family members have had their bout with cancer. What was said is best, try to be supportive, staying strong for her, keep stress off of her.

 

But when it comes to you, leaning on your friends and family is what its all about. People will be more than willing to help if you just ask. Even if it is just to vent, don't bottle it up, as it will only make more stress for you and her.

 

Outside of mental support, physical support is one of the best things you can focus your efforts on. There will be days where she is just not up for anything including taking care of herself. Even the littlest things like a piece of chocolate or some pediasure when she really doesn't have an appetite. Or drawing a bath for her when she's feeling achy. Consuming your efforts into helping her will go a long way for the overall morale.

[TTQ B4U]

I believe more every day that diet is responsible for a huge majority of human sickness.

 

 

Sugar is a big one for both cancer and heart disease. For women especially though, dairy and eggs too. Casein protein from dairy, combined with sugar is cancers best food. All meat will lead to the production of TMAO's if consumed more than 1-2 times per month or so though. Big part of beating cancer is to starve it. Sugar, fat and salt....all the goodies that we pump into food to make it taste good are what drive the vast majority of chronic illnesses.

 

The USDA is to thank for most all of this. Gov't subsidies and lies. Follow the money. Go on Netflix and watch "Fed Up" It's about 5yrs old but very current still in terms of content. The funny thing is we all grew up exactly like what that documentary shows and even today we "know" what they are saying is actual. It will share however, the "why" behind it all and why Americans and really everyone, continue on eating like we do.

Edited January 13, 2020 by TTQ B4U

[AudiOn19s]

My wife was diagnosed at 31, we actually just cleared the 10 year mark from her last Chemo treatment and she's finally off ALL meds.

 

Obviously your primary goal was to support her, but I found a ton of people with similar experience that told me I needed to build a support system for ME too, not just her...and they were right.

 

You take soo much time and effort to make sure she's doing well that you often don't make time for yourself anymore and that starts to take a toll. Be selfish once a week and go do something "guy" related with a support system to make sure YOU have time to talk to people about it, how it effects you, and how YOU are coping. For me it was as small as stopping in at my favorite car shop once a week with a 6-pack in hand and hanging out for a little bit on a Friday night on the way home from work. I got to hang around people that cared about me but could divert and talk about my passions as a distraction as well.

 

If I were sick It'd be pretty easy to blame diet / fitness on it, but my wife is the biggest fitness fanatic you've ever met, she eats clean to this day but it's no different than when she got sick.

Edited January 13, 2020 by AudiOn19s

[RC K9]

I'm back in night school for nutritional medicine just to educate myself.

 

Tim, have you read Eating on the Wild Side by Jo Robinson? If not, I'd HIGHLY recommend it. I hate reading and I flew through it.

[zeitgeist57]

FiL was a breast cancer surgeon through OhioHealth/Riverside...my wife worked his office for a couple of years as well. The cases I would see her doing for him - pictures of open sores on women's breasts, bruising, etc - were horrific. Many of these women would have lumps for more than a year before they came to the doctor because they were so scared of a cancer diagnosis. It is a horrible, HORRIBLE thing to see.

 

Much love to you and your wife, Vinny. Thankfully treatment has advanced dramatically in the last 10 years, and light years from 30-40 years ago. Love and support are the best medicines for people around her to give.

[Not Brian]

Tinder

[smokin5s]

I can tell you that when I went through chemo 3 years ago, the most important thing was my wife to be supportive... That was off and on with her which is a bit irrelevant for this conversation. I hate to sound like this as I know that your feelings do matter but you need to think about her as well. It's hard being strong all the time and the person going through it needs a good strong support system. As scary as it is for you, it's nothing compared to the fear that your wife is feeling.

[TTQ B4U]

Tim, have you read Eating on the Wild Side by Jo Robinson? If not, I'd HIGHLY recommend it. I hate reading and I flew through it.

 

 

 

 

Have not but will look into it! Thanks!

[nurkvinny]

I'm way behind on everything in life, and missed most of these posts. CR was as to be expected.

[10phone2]

hopefully things are turning the corner for you and her.

[Mojoe]

I believe more every day that diet is responsible for a huge majority of human sickness. Bad things need certain chemicals to spread. I've watched documentaries where women have beaten cancer by diet alone, mainly cutting out sugars. A coworker just had a stroke, and her doctors are telling her diet can fix her, and she's doing remarkable.

 

Through genetic testing, we know my wife is just 1 out of 8 women who gets breast cancer. She's the fittest, "cleanest" living person I know and simply got fucked.

 

The meds will throw her into early menopause and have big risks of their own. She was baptized a couple years ago and her church friends have been amazing through this. The oldest 2 kids kind of know what's going on, but just understand she has a lot of appointments.

 

Just be thankful for every day we're above ground.

 

I moved my dad in with us to do his treatment. He was at the James for 6 months for radiation and chemo. The side effects your body goes through is something I was not prepared for. Dad was always dehydrated and went septic 2-3 times. Ended up in a rehabilitation facility to relearn how to walk and basic daily functions, because he body was so weakened from fighting with no nutrition. The gave him appetite stimulants, but they were not the fix needed. He ended up having a catheter, because he lost control of his bladder. Seeing the farmer, machinist, outdoorsman and you father experience failure after failure with his body that has worked hard its whole life is fucking heart breaking. All of these defeats of his body failing took their toll and dad lost hope. We could see it and we knew he knew it too. He wouldn't drink out eat, because he didn't want to. He knew he should, but just didn't feel like it. And he knew not doing so was setting him back from recovering. Nothing we could do made him WANT to do better, he had lost hope. Chemo is part to blame, because it makes your brain think different.

 

We also have a cousin who is like a sister to us going through chemo right now. Not a good time to have a compromised immune system.

 

Here's what I would say. Make smiles and memories. You are the voice of reason, but need to communicate effectively. If you both have underlying stubbornness, have a talk to rationalize decision making.

 

EX: Cousin, Lori, is a vet tech and lies being on the go and doing things. Can't stay cooped up. Was planning to go to work all this week. FUCK NO! Let alone she is able to remote work. So, you can't just tell her you shouldn't go to work or can't, she will feel like she has no control over her life. So I told her husband to call the vet doctor who owns the clinic and tell them to tell her she is not coming in this week and they will reevaluate for next week. Lori was very understanding when being told from someone outside the family. Mission accomplished was the text I got from her husband.

 

How you communicate and who sends what message plays a big part in the state of mind of the person going through treatment.

 

I don't have all the answers for how to deal with being in a house with a someone going through this. I offer this to you, talk to people. Vent, rant and rave, so you can laugh and get things off your chest and move on without regret. Feel free to reach out to me if you just want to talk to a non bias ear or get ideas of some things that may help.

 

I wish the best for you and your family. Keep the smiles on place. make them if you have to.