Parental advice for Teens after an accident

[mrs.cos]

So we thought we did everything to help Lynden understand safety with cars. We took her to Mid Ohio’s teen driving program, she drove as a temp driver the entire year of Covid- we took her to the drag strip and let her do a “run what you brung” to learn there are ways to go have fun in your car safely…

 

And yet her dumb ass still tried to “drag race” in a school parking lot in her 2.5NA forester against an 86 Monte Carlo about and ran into him. She was busy showing off to the boys that is hanging out with… (and not where she was supposed to be- no big surprise- teenagers will teenage)

 

Nothing bad, but still an accident…

 

 

So what now?

 

She’s been grounded from phone ans car for two weeks… but I’m sort of at a loss to really drive this home.

 

I do NOT think she has learned anything from this…but I can’t keep her from driving forever.

 

So what would you do? How did you handle your teens getting into a stupid accident that was purely from acting stupid and not just “omg I didn’t see them and turned into them!”

[TTQ B4U]

Sorry to hear Trish. Not a situation I want to face but Nick leaves for school with his car in less than 30 days. I have no nails left.

 

I think at this point you perhaps should just have her understand the potential impact of what "could" have happened. Maybe a ride along with a CPD or Trooper? Not sure. With our Nick, I'm CONSTANTLY explaining to him the serious responsibility of driving a multi ton vehicle and what it can do and the lives it could put in danger.

 

No real advice but perhaps just helping her understand the true gravity by making her a part of everything it's going to take to resolve the matter including perhaps an apology to the other family/person involved.

 

Good luck.

[Mojoe]

What was the damage in the accident?

 

Damaged fender? Take her to a junk yard and have her buy a fender, Already damaged would be great, if not bang it up. Then have her sand it all down and tap out the dents to reform and get it shaped right again. Then set up an area to get the paint done, and have her do it. If the paint is bad, sand it down and start over. It will be bad.

 

I don't have kids. I'd be a fan of taking her fender off and banging it up for her to repair as stated above. Consequences that suck, teach hard lessons. There's a fine line between too far and lesson learned. This would teach her something about the repair process and enforce it is not worth damaging things.

 

Maybe have all expenses be covered by her earning the money to pay for it. If insurance goes up, and you have been paying insurance, she will ow cover the increase. I think you have done great with getting her into drivers training, but this may have turned into the kid who went to self defense classes and now is trying to use what they learned on other kids. Driving is a skill. It's dangerous and what you learn is to keep you safe, not to show off for others.

[gillbot]

Consequences that suck, teach hard lessons. There's a fine line between too far and lesson learned. This would teach her something about the repair process and enforce it is not worth damaging things.

 

This. ^

 

Thinking back to when I was a kid, getting grounded did nothing because I knew it would be over soon. However, when I busted the car and I had to pick up side jobs within walking distance because I couldn’t drive plus I had to save to fix the busted car really sent it home. If you make the mountain too tall to climb they may give up, but you have to make it large entrant the lesson gets driven home. Plus just remember all the crap people told at that age but went in one ear and out the other.

[BuckeyeROC]

Did she win though?

[POS VETT]

I have to say that, regardless of the outcome, I'm actually impressed by your daughter. On the opposite end, my 18yo son is on his fourth car (he got his first car when he was a month and a half shy of 16th birthday) and yet he never had an accident in the short stint of his driving.

 

At.any rate, making her pay for her mistake (monetary or otherwise) should teach her. I doubt that taking away cell phone and car for two weeks would drive the point.

[99FLHRCI]

I highly agree with ride along time with an Officer. I would suggest a Trooper in a more rural area. I know where I am (Morrow County), our Troopers are often running crash to crash (we have had 90 minute wait time many times). It will definitely show what can happen. From losing your car to losing a limb or life.

 

I would also suggest some time volunteering in a hospital or rehab, if you can find any allowing it during Covid. Meeting people who have been hurt because of their actions or the actions of others may open her eyes.

 

You could also find cases that hit close to the topic and have her read them. I know a lot of us have lost someone we know due to racing. I know in Columbus there have been a few cases from pedestrians killed, to the driver getting killed.

[Richard Cranium]

As a high school teacher I see kids do dumb shit on a regular basis. It's part of being a kid, we all were at some point. I definitely support making this a learning moment. I agree with Gillbot that grounding doesn't really work in my opinion. It is a generic punishment that has nothing do to with the lesson you're trying to teach. I love Joe's thought that she has to help fix the car. I don't think I would go as far as damaging the replacement parts to make it harder (I think that might backfire on you), but I like the idea that she learn how much effort it takes to make it right. If she has a job, then she should have to pay for the replacement parts and help install them. If they don't match then you can try having her spray them. They won't be completely right, but maybe having a slightly off color fender will irritate her enough that it will be a reminder to think twice before doing something stupid again. I think part of growing up is when you start thinking about the consequences of your actions before you do them. She's learning. Nobody was hurt apparently. I would not just let insurance take care of it though. She'll learn that the consequences are a few hundred dollar deductible and that's it.

[Geeto67]

Have you sat down and asked her how she feels about the whole situation? not in the context of "what am I going to do about it" but just trying to hear her out. You might not feel like you have to do anything further if you hear her embarrassment or remorse for the whole ordeal. Just from personal experience when my daughter fucks up and she knows it she's usually harder on herself than I could ever be, but everybody's different and she's not a teenager.

[downingracing]

Both of my kids did the Mid-Ohio teen school and both had accidents. My son just struggled with driving. Nothing serious, but several small issues that all involved his car. The last event (sliding into a curb in the winter), he had to source the parts and do the repair with me. I charged him $100 for the use of my garage/tools/and my time. Don't know if that actually helped, but that was the last incident he had. Daughter Rear ended her best friend because she was following too close. First words out of her mouth to me were: I was too close to her and I will never do that again. That was ~8 years ago and she is a good driver (now).

[jerrodh]

Not sure of the cars "status" but I had a rough highschool with cars and I eventually wound up in saturn station wagon with a dumb looking attachment on the front that my parents used to tow it behind their camper. If changing the car is an option give her the ugliest slowest car around.

 

I hate it and it was definitely a punishment haha.

 

Also not trying to judge but two weeks really doesn't seem like an awfully long period of punishment from when I was in Highschool 13-14+ years ago. I remember summer long punishments lol...

 

 

One last thing, I absolutely would make them pay out of pocket for whatever the repairs, insurance cost, etc. Whether that is in allowance lost, extra work around the house, or literally handing you cash from their part time job. It doesn't get much more real than paying for the damages you cost.

 

Thats how I learned... I wrecked a car my dad had bought for my 16th birthday and payed it back to cover the cost.

 

Not saying I'm the best/safest driver but I definitely learned about consequences hahahaha.

[unfunnyryan]

Not sure of the cars "status" but I had a rough highschool with cars and I eventually wound up in saturn station wagon with a dumb looking attachment on the front that my parents used to tow it behind their camper. If changing the car is an option give her the ugliest slowest car around.

 

I hate it and it was definitely a punishment haha.

 

Also not trying to judge but two weeks really doesn't seem like an awfully long period of punishment from when I was in Highschool 13-14+ years ago. I remember summer long punishments lol...

 

 

One last thing, I absolutely would make them pay out of pocket for whatever the repairs, insurance cost, etc. Whether that is in allowance lost, extra work around the house, or literally handing you cash from their part time job. It doesn't get much more real than paying for the damages you cost.

 

Thats how I learned... I wrecked a car my dad had bought for my 16th birthday and payed it back to cover the cost.

 

Not saying I'm the best/safest driver but I definitely learned about consequences hahahaha.

 

 

On the note of ugliest and slowest, those are often the cheapest and least safe. Old volvo might be a pretty good option though.

[coltboostin]

Both of my kids did the Mid-Ohio teen school and both had accidents. .

 

we took her to the drag strip and let her do a “run what you brung” to learn there are ways to go have fun in your car safely…

”

 

 

I see a theme here...

 

Hindsight is always 20/20, but I think there is a fine line between bringing your kids into "the hobby" and showing them "Racing is fun" Kids are kids, and with varying levels of emotional intelligence I am not sure all of this is a great idea.

 

Moving forward, having her pay for the repairs, insurance cost in perpetuity...ect is a must IMO. Grounding won't teach her much in the long run.

[downingracing]

The teen school is a basic driving class. Nothing close to racing - basic car control skills only. I can't imagine how bad of a driver my son would have been without that class.

[Dammit Charlie]

I see a theme here...

 

Hindsight is always 20/20, but I think there is a fine line between bringing your kids into "the hobby" and showing them "Racing is fun" Kids are kids, and with varying levels of emotional intelligence I am not sure all of this is a great idea.

 

Moving forward, having her pay for the repairs, insurance cost in perpetuity...ect is a must IMO. Grounding won't teach her much in the long run.

 

 

Agreed. When a kid feels it in their wallet they figure out life a little quicker.

[smokin5s]

Is she paying for the accident? Also paying for the increased insurance rates? What really made me learn was Nationwide after my 2nd incident dropped me from my parents policy, made them sign a waver that I wouldn't drive their cars and I had to find my own insurance at a MUCH higher rate.. I learned real quick. I would recommend you take a similar action.

[iwashmycar]

Kids make mistakes. Some good advice in here, but the most likely to work is some sort of financial implication.

[Otis Nice]

Make her set the car on fire and watch it burn.

[10phone2]

all the advice above about working for it is spot on. my parents just paid for tickets and car damage with little punishment. 4 reckless driving tickets all over 120mph and a 40 page driving record... i only stared caring when i had to fund a car replacement myself and having to pay 550 for one month for car insurance to get a title transferred. no tickets since 2009. i mean cutting lawns for the eldery for free may end up becoming a lawn car business down the road.

[wagner]

Show her the consequences of what happens when you wad up a car at a high rate of speed.

 

I'm not talking about bodies lying in the street, but crash pictures of cars and talk with her about the gravity of the situation and how dangerous cars can be.

[RC K9]

Did she win?

[RC K9]

Also, go get a switch off a tree and whoop her ass. They make make her pay for the damages, any insurance increase, and depreciation.

[coltboostin]

Hey OP (and any other parents). Read this twice....

 

all the advice above about working for it is spot on. my parents just paid for tickets and car damage with little punishment. 4 reckless driving tickets all over 120mph and a 40 page driving record... i only stared caring when i had to fund a car replacement myself and having to pay 550 for one month for car insurance to get a title transferred. no tickets since 2009. i mean cutting lawns for the eldery for free may end up becoming a lawn car business down the road.

 

 

 

The teen school is a basic driving class. Nothing close to racing - basic car control skills only. I can't imagine how bad of a driver my son would have been without that class.

 

I (and the other 99.9% of drovers) did not take a driving class at a race track, and we are doing OK. :dumb: I am not saying it is wrong, I just wonder if this and taking the kid to the drag strip sets the wrong precedent...

Edited July 30, 2021 by coltboostin

[downingracing]

I (and the other 99.9% of drovers) did not take a driving class at a race track, and we are doign OK....

 

I understand what you are saying about the track and the message that can send. I agree. I was not clear that my kids did no activities on a race track. The class is wet braking, emergency lane change, and skid control.

 

Outside the small group of people who are enthusiasts (on a forum like this), people absolutely do not drive well at all. Our drivers-ed program and license test are both a joke. I lose count daily of the dumb stuff drivers do and am confident saying I avoid at least 2 accidents a week with heads up driving.

[BuckeyeROC]

Outside the small group of people who are enthusiasts (on a forum like this), people absolutely do not drive well at all. Our drivers-ed program and license test are both a joke. I lose count daily of the dumb stuff drivers do and am confident saying I avoid at least 2 accidents a week with heads up driving.

 

Bro, driving in central Ohio is an effing PITA. #4 on the country's worst drivers list, and as someone who has traveled A LOT for work over the years, yeah, Cbus does have awful drivers.

 

https://quotewizard.com/news/posts/the-best-and-worst-drivers-by-city