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i read no more after this one WINNAR!!!!

(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder

(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

come on nate keep up man :)

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She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?

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859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.

(650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

(408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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(323): You got in a fight last night?

(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

(843): I think im pregnant

(803): I think you have the wrong number

(540): I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.

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holy fuck!!!!! im fucking crying!!!!

(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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Cleveland area FTW

(216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?

(440): Probably.

(216): I'm in.

(216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab

(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

(216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

(740): 100 blowjobs

(440): obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

(440): just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.

(440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.

(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

(330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

(330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

(330): now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

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nice sig John

i'm supposing you're goin off of all the leg humping that goes on round these parts?

ORlogoedit2.jpg

More like the ladies that join for the attention.

Though there may be a crack down on some of the :leghump:

To be truthful it was Ross701's idea and he made one for me.

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303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.

(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

(330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?

(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

(079): I think we need to take a brake

(078): What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'

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