Bad324 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 My step daughter is the one that is having problems. 23 almost 24, she is bi-polar & is no meds. She is working but, not working all the hours she could. If she has to move back I can live with that but, her unemployed boyfriend is not moving in with her.definitely the right call!Well if he can't come with her it might give her more incentive to get out sooner.and this is a very good point as well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMCGRAW Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Heh I was kicked out at 18-ish, struggled along trying to find my spot in life, lived on a friends floor for about a week, playing with the judicial system, on the receiving end for awhile. Joined the Navy, did my time, got married, moved back, and now it's time to buy the first home. The military really taught me what it was to put-up-or-shut-up. ... They take girls too, and it's a good system for those who are struggling to find where they belong in life. It's a system that lets the members make mistakes without destroying their lives normally, you can move out on your own, make horrible decisions and the worse case scenario is you still have a job, and a barracks to stay at if all goes badly. ... But don't do more than 4-5 years unless it's a serious calling. After that amount of time in I kind of longed to make my own decisions and stop being deployed all the time. It's the main reason I got out. It definately helped me to straighten my life out, and I got free lasik out of it, VA benefits (if they ever pay up), and I get cool veteran plates . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2talltim Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Isn't there a YMCA in Cardington? ..there aint shit in Cardington.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Howabusa Posted May 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 ..there aint shit in Cardington..Pauly is so funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bad324 Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 Pauly is so funny!and to think we're blessed to spend 4-5 straight days with him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Butters Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 arent kids a life time commitment? you cant just raise them to 18 and say fuck off because youre 50 something and want to party....moving out was the best thing i ever did, but if i wanted to move back because i was having a hard time in life and i was told no, i would remember that shit when my mom was 70 something and asking to move into my place so i could take care of her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baptizo Posted May 17, 2012 Report Share Posted May 17, 2012 No kids, no problems. I agree with the TC about the step-daughter's situation, though, and also about not allowing the douche bag BF to move in - nfw! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disclaimer Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 arent kids a life time commitment? you cant just raise them to 18 and say fuck off because youre 50 something and want to party....moving out was the best thing i ever did, but if i wanted to move back because i was having a hard time in life and i was told no, i would remember that shit when my mom was 70 something and asking to move into my place so i could take care of herYou're making the assumption that you and the OPs kids will actually amount to something when they're older.On the other hand, if you take in your minimum wage making, lazy-ass, uneducated daughter or son and coddle them through their adult lives, then they aren't going to have enough money or caring to put you in one of those nicer nursing homes NOT featured on 20/20 anyway. But you will be able to take solace in the fact that, at least they won't have an inheritance since it'll all be spent on your own healthcare.And thus you end up with a future generation living on the social support system. Once that hole is dug, I've heard it's pretty hard to dig out of... may take a few more generations to get another financially independent contributor to society from that family tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magley64 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 my paternal grandfather dropped the ball, as did my maternal great grandfather...my parents had to basically start from nothing, they have made great strides and are now certainly part of the middle class after nearly 50 years. good decisions, and discipline brought them to where they are today. No small feat (Even if you didn't take into account my mother's bipolar disorder). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cOoTeR Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I agree with letting the daughter in and not the bf. Maybe charge rent so its not a free ride. It doesn't have to be a lot just enough that she's gotta be responsible (not out partying and what not). You could just put the money in a savings account and when she decides to pull her shit together give her back the rent money to help out. But don't let her know that's the plan. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smashweights Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 (edited) +1 to all the comments on the daughter minus BF.I moved back in to my parents place with my fiancee when I was 25 for 2 months because we had a 2 month gap between our old leases ending and our new apt opening up. But my folks knew exactly what our time frame was and there was a definite move out date. So along that lines as has been suggested before, make sure there's a plan set up for her to get out again and that it's clear that it's a temporary situation (even if temporary is a year or so if it really ends up being necessary, only you can know that for sure).Maybe charge rent so its not a free ride. It doesn't have to be a lot just enough that she's gotta be responsible (not out partying and what not). You could just put the money in a savings account and when she decides to pull her shit together give her back the rent money to help out. But don't let her know that's the plan.I also really like this. It makes you the good guy on both ends: pushing for responsibility up front and helping her out down the road when she's out of the house. Might even help her learn the value of an emergency fund.Though, I will admit, the "I've never been a parent before" side of me says making them camp out in the back yard is a good compromise. Edited May 18, 2012 by smashweights Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bandit12 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 Sometimes returning to the parents place is helpful until you get back on your feet, case in point.A couple months before I turned 22 I had an accident at work and broke my leg above the ankle, I ended up with an infection that almost cost me my leg at the knee. It was extremely hard to get to my apartment, two flights of stairs, outside in the snow and cold of February, lol. My step-dad and mom insisted in my moving in their place where I became, you guessed it, the cellar dweller. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBrown57 Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I agree with letting the daughter in and not the bf. Maybe charge rent so its not a free ride. It doesn't have to be a lot just enough that she's gotta be responsible (not out partying and what not). You could just put the money in a savings account and when she decides to pull her shit together give her back the rent money to help out. But don't let her know that's the plan.This^^^This has me hoping I'll get my rent back from my gf's parents when we move out DAMN YOU FOR GIVING ME HOPE!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C-bus Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I heard a funny on the radio today..... "a parent is only as good as his dumbest kid.... one kid could win the Nobel Peace Prize, but if the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed." I got a chuckle out of that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoolWhip Posted May 18, 2012 Report Share Posted May 18, 2012 I had to move back in once at the insistence of my parents. My best friend and roommate killed himself in our apartment. My parents didn't want me to continue living there and I didn't want to either. I moved home just to get a grip and find a new place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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