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So like a putz I ordered this for somebody as an xmas gift, who then promptly ordered their own backpack/luggage setup because: A) he had no idea I ordered this for him, and B) he's a grown-ass man with a steady paycheck who doesn't have to wait around to get what he wants once a year at the end of December, resulting in aforementioned order. Which, in combination with refusing to patronize UPS with return shipping charges because they keep leaving stuff addressed to me on my neighbor's doorstep, leads me to this: I'm selling a brand new, still-in-the-plastic, will-make-tender-love-to-your-nostrils-with-freshly-manufactured-backpack-scents Kriega R25 backpack and Kube accessory pocket. If you know anything about the Kriega R25, you know it's the Chuck Norris of moto backpacks: supremely functional, unbelievably rugged, and potentially deadly*. It's the backpack that would have been created as a result of collaboration between SEAL Team 6 and 13th century ninja academies with Zeus as acting project manager and product durability tester. It's the backpack that would beat up your old Jansport and take it's lunch money, then later on you'd find out it gave it to homeless orphan puppies undergoing cancer treatment, which was cool and everything but you still had a lingering suspicion it had a dark side and maybe it fingerblasted your sister. If you don't know anything about Kriega, you're probably a seal-clubbing terrorist. Or maybe just new to the sport, and in that case, welcome and make yourself at home. Hot chocolate's in the cupboard above the sink. Let's not forget the little Kube dude which is included. It's handy for storing things at approximately boob height. What things will it store, you ask? Things that are roughly the size of the internal dimensions of the Kube, or even some things that are smaller than that if that's your thing. iPhone 6's. Gas cards. Drivers licenses. Pilot licenses. Astronaut licenses. Nuclear silo keys. Other little vittles of national security, as long as they're roughly fist-sized. Normally these two Kriega products are sold separately. With this deal, you get both of them together. As it should be. It's Bonnie & Clyde, or Batman & Robin. Because even Clyde sometimes needed an extra orifice to stuff sensitive things into. Or maybe I meant Batman. The 60's were a special time and everyone was experimenting so who are we to judge. New price for the R25 is $189, and the Kube $25. My asking price for the whole arsenal is $200. I'll let you do the math because if you think you're ready for this level of backpackery you should at least be able to pull off subtraction. This isn't rocket surgery. Stop being so needy. Expensive for a backpack and little accessory pocket which, coincidentally, is roughly Walther PPK-sized? You bet. But can you put a price on looking like a parachutist while on a motorcycle, causing all the lovely ladies to look and think, "That looks like a parachute on that motorcyclist, leading me to believe he just jumped out of a plane and landed on that moving motorcycle like some James Bond shit, so I guess that means I should have sex with him to thank him for all he's done to keep us safe from some dude that probably tried to castrate him with a laser," then ultimately keep a safe following distance behind you as it's actually sorta risky to follow so closely behind a superhero because they always have rockets fired at them with no notice? You can. And that price is $200. Also, Kriega stuff never goes on sale so that's about the best you're gonna get considering this is still brand new in plastic, barely encapsulating the awesome power contained within like the ruby lens of Cyclops' eyepiece or my boxers after too much Tabasco on a Chipotle burrito. "False!" you cry. "You had to have opened the bag at least once to lay eyes on what may become the ruination of mankind!" First, I don't like your accusing tone, good sir. You don't even know me so take it down a notch. Second, I'm not Indianapolis Jones. I'm not the type whose favorite hobby is waving plastic guns at cops just to see what happens. I don't have the proper certifications and/or battlefield experience to be responsible for handling something like a Kriega. Make no mistake - you do not unpackage a Kriega. You unleash it. Whatever happens when this thing is released into the world and ultimately on to the buyer's back is between them and God and I want no part of it. Will this thing carry whatever you need in bosom-of-an-angel comfort? Definitely. Will it cure cancer? I have yet to read anything saying it won't. Will it resurrect Bin Laden just so you can personally shave his beard and make him cry? Without violating my security clearances, I'll just say stranger things have happened. Don't believe me? Just go read the reviews on this bitch and then slap yourself every time words like "greatest" and "best" come up. Hurts, doesn't it? That means you're awake and this is real. Embrace it. Beauty still exists in this world and it has reflective panels woven from the hair of unicorn manes. Bottom line, you need to own this. Be the envy of your fellow moto-buds. Cure cancer. Rip both follicles and tears from Bin Laden. Let me pay my Discover card off before my grace period ends. Accept your destiny, which in this case costs $200. Destiny also makes a great xmas present. Just a thought. I'll prolly also post this on craigslist but priority goes to you guys since, ya know... less of a chance of people trying to put stuff in me and everything. *The plastic bag says it's a choking hazard. JUST LIKE CHUCK NORRIS.

Plus Devon and Jordan will be there, two nurses. I see no reason to skip this trip simply for a pregnancy that can clearly be handled in house.

Took the kids out this morning. Got some funny looks from the neighbors. They will getvuse to it lol.

I've delivered 3 so far, this could be handled in Fontana.

Congrats Ben. But you know it would be a great story having a kid in the middle of a motorcycle trip. There's plenty of Internet experts on here that could play mid wife.

Congrats Ben!!!!

All deaths at another person's actions are termed homicide. This is a technical term in law. Often a mandatory statement in an autopsy. It doesn't mean action of a "criminal" or "killer".

Congrats Ben!! I would be down for a cabin.

Congrats...I think? [emoji12]

I don't like you much right now. You couldn't look at a calender and count out 9 months before you decided to not pull out?

Brown? I'm good with that. Stupid games beget stupid prizes. Cleveland kid? That one I don't feel was justified at all. I have a 14 year old and two others getting to that 12 year old mark. I can see my kids panicking...not understanding what the cop is yelling...."hands up!"..... to an underdeveloped young brain may spark you to think "hey, it's not real....see?". And honestly, there is something to say about the race thing.... I picture my sons' school and the little white 6th graders roaming the playground. Would a cop shoot one of them? I'm not good with that.

Maybe they will play less clash of clans for a little bit. Lol

Mate. That is quite possibly the single best classified ad I've ever read. Let alone one for bike gear, never-mind for Kriega bike gear (maybe 'cos everyone keeps their Kriega gear forever...). Bravo! The ad is brilliant (not to mention all true, of course!). Even I'm tempted to buy the damn thing! But just in case the ad copy is not enough to make the sale, I've given it a little helping hand here. If you want to email me your address via our website (www.kriega.us), I'd like to send you a token of my appreciation for taking the time to rep Kriega gear like a boss with this ad. GLWS and all that! Cheers, Michael U.S. Distributor for Kriega