What I see in situations when kids are in the picture is the parents try to use the kids as leverage against the other parent. I am thinking of two people I know very well as I type this and that is wholly and completely inappropriate. A child is not a tool used to barter or threaten with but that is inevitabley what will happen in a marriage without love. And from the sounds of it, the fact that she tells you she hates you, drunk or sober, should be your crystal ball as to what will happen in the future. Yes, my wife and I have passionate disagreements and we get in extrememly frustratiing situations occasinally and we may hate the situation or state of things but my wife and I both understand that we LOVE each other. No matter how angry or frustrated we get, we each know that each one has a deep love for the other and I can't imagine eiather one of us telling the other we hate them.
The way I look at order of importance is this it is this:
1.) God/Morality
2.) Each Other
3.)Children (when we have them)
4.) everything else
If you are on the same level and understanding morally, and that is # 1, then you both have a common goal. You are both reaching for the same thing; therefore, you are a team that supports one another working towards the same goal.
If you two aren't on the same level morally (which it sounds like you are not), then how can anything positive come from the relationship? A house divided can not stand. That will lead to confusion among your children which won't be fair to them.
I may sound like a nutcase but these are all things I had to take into consideration before deciding to get married....
Again, just my $.02 so take it for what it's worth, and if it's worth nothing, then leave it.