Ok, thought you were being an asshole dick instead of an ok one Seriously though, there's only the coolant and the oil and the owners manual should tell you how to replace both of those.
You literally need two wrenches to change ALL the fluids, unless you need to change the turn signal and headlight fluid as well, those require some specialized items.
If you can't change the fluids yourself, you should go to pauly anyways. Or you could just offer someone some beer or pizza and you might get someone who will come and show you how to do these things as many people would not trust their bike to anyone but themselves.
If you would have showed up I would have not gone on the ride and helped you order new tires and clutch cable and then held your hand while you made the call to the insurance company
Nah, but I saw you a number of times before finals ended. I want to add you on facebook so I can invite you to the buckeye motorcycle club I'm the new president and will be doing some things differently that I think everyone can enjoy.