zeitgeist57 Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. ‘No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwilli1647545487 Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 http://citizented.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/clapping.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMdB3m2i4p8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littleguy Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 A bear and a pony are walking through the forest to look for the eagle, When the find the eagle the bear says, "hey eagle, pony doesn't feel well." The eagle says, "why doesn't the pony tell me himself?" The bear says, "because he's a little horse" Bwahahahahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gergwheel1647545492 Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 two muffins are in the oven one muffin says to the other "man its hot in here" othe muffin says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwashmycar Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 A bear and a pony are walking through the forest to look for the eagle, When the find the eagle the bear says, "hey eagle, pony doesn't feel well." The eagle says, "why doesn't the pony tell me himself?" The bear says, "because he's a little horse" Bwahahahahahaha hhahahaha. that eagle is a dick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T Rex Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Why did Tim fall off the bike? because Tim's a fish What did Tim say when he hit a big concrete wall? Damn! I string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tells the string that they do not serve strings there. The string walks into the bar the next day and again asks for a beer and again the bartender tells the string they do not serve strings. The next day comes and the string really wants a beer, so he ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair, walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender asks "Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?" The string replies " 'Fraid not!" Ha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerTurbo Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 What did Tim say when he hit a big concrete wall? Damn! I string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tells the string that they do not serve strings there. The string walks into the bar the next day and again asks for a beer and again the bartender tells the string they do not serve strings. The next day comes and the string really wants a beer, so he ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair, walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender asks "Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?" The string replies " 'Fraid not!" Ha! Punch line FAIL. "Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?" "Nope, I'm a'fraid not" Just saying "Fraid not" doesn't compel the twist of the punch line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RangerTurbo Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Got a story for you. Theres a fish. He sees a fly above the water. Says to himself if that fly drops 6 inches he can jump and have himself a fly dinner. Theres a bear. He sees that fish. Says to himself if that fly drops and that fish jumps, I can swing out, grab that fish, and have myself a fish dinner. Theres a hunter. He sees the bear. Says to himself if that fly drops, that fish jumps, and that bear swings out, I can pull up my gun and have myself a bear dinner. Theres a mouse. He sees the cheese sandwich in the hunters pocket. Says to himself if that fly drops, the fish jumps, the bear swings, the hunter pulls up and that sandwich falls out, I can run over and have myself a cheese sandwich dinner. Theres a cat. He sees that mouse. Says to himself if that fly drops, fish jumps, bear swings, hunter pulls, and mouse runs, I can pounce the mouse and have myself a mouse dinner. Well, it all goes to plan. Fly drops, fish jumps, bear swings, hunter pulls, mouse runs... except the cat trips on a log and rolls into the pond getting no dinner. You know what the Moral of the story is? Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramsey Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 what do you call a dinosaur that jumps into a pool? a wet dinosaur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramsey Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 what do plums and and rabbits have in common? thay are both purple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spankis Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 So there's a white guy, a black guy, and a hispanic guy eating lunch together during their break. They each respect each other's cultural differences and have a lovely chat before returning to work for the day. ALSO Knock-knock. Who's there? The police. Your entire family was killed in a boating accident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farkas Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and a Woman? Nothing, they both can't drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evan9381 Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 What's the difference between Helen Keller and a Woman? Nothing, they both can't drive. i always heard that as "why couldn't hellen keller drive a car?" "because she was a woman" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Cranium Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 What is the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supldys Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party. Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump. While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no toilet paper... You have to wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you." Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole. All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers. The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers Taa Daa! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Holy crap.... lol These are all so terrible. Here's a few terrible/tasteless jokes for ya. (Yes, I'm going to do it.) What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree? Ripping it off. What screams and can't turn corners? A baby with a spear through it. ------------------- A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa." ------------------- A baby seal walks into a club... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STEVE-O Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 By no means is this intended to piss anyone off but my friend's dad herd this one at work: The setting is a red neck truck driver and a predijust cop... There is a truck driver driving down the road. He sees a guy pushing a bike with two flat tires. he pulls over and tells him he an hitch a ride but he has no room up front so he has to ride in the back. The guy says to the trucker that is fine thanks for the lift. Down the road a little bit the trucker is stopped at a checkpoint and the officer asks to see his manifesto. on his manifesto is says he is transporting bowling balls. They officer asks the trucker to open up the back so he can check.. The trucker walks back and opens the liftgate.. the officer jumps back and tells him to get out of the way.. The officer then radios in; this is officer doe 43068 I got a guy moving some black eggs one has already hatched and stolen a bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustlestiltskin Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 knock knock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ImUrOBGYN Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 knock knock I'll bite. Who's there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustlestiltskin Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 I'll bite. Who's there? Go fuck urself Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gergwheel1647545492 Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 Go fuck urself i take it you watch trailer park boys? that is rickys favorite line in that show. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supldys Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 Go fuck urself Go fuck urself who? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supldys Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 By no means is this intended to piss anyone off but my friend's dad herd this one at work: The setting is a red neck truck driver and a predijust cop... There is a truck driver driving down the road. He sees a guy pushing a bike with two flat tires. he pulls over and tells him he an hitch a ride but he has no room up front so he has to ride in the back. The guy says to the trucker that is fine thanks for the lift. Down the road a little bit the trucker is stopped at a checkpoint and the officer asks to see his manifesto. on his manifesto is says he is transporting bowling balls. They officer asks the trucker to open up the back so he can check.. The trucker walks back and opens the liftgate.. the officer jumps back and tells him to get out of the way.. The officer then radios in; this is officer doe 43068 I got a guy moving some black eggs one has already hatched and stolen a bike. Ha, sorry but the funniest part about this whole joke is picturing someone trying to say prejudice the way you spelled it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rustlestiltskin Posted November 11, 2009 Report Share Posted November 11, 2009 i take it you watch trailer park boys? that is rickys favorite line in that show. No, I got it from the movie "catch me if you can" with leonardo Dicaprio and Tom hanks. Tom hanks is the one who says it in the movie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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