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Joke o' the day...

zeitgeist57

By zeitgeist57
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Littleguy Newbie

Littleguy

Posted
Posted

A bear and a pony are walking through the forest to look for the eagle,

 

When the find the eagle the bear says, "hey eagle, pony doesn't feel well."

 

The eagle says, "why doesn't the pony tell me himself?"

 

The bear says, "because he's a little horse"

 

 

 

Bwahahahahahaha

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iwashmycar Newbie

iwashmycar

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A bear and a pony are walking through the forest to look for the eagle,

 

When the find the eagle the bear says, "hey eagle, pony doesn't feel well."

 

The eagle says, "why doesn't the pony tell me himself?"

 

The bear says, "because he's a little horse"

 

 

 

Bwahahahahahaha

 

hhahahaha. that eagle is a dick

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T Rex Newbie

T Rex

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Posted
Why did Tim fall off the bike?

 

because Tim's a fish

 

What did Tim say when he hit a big concrete wall?

 

Damn!

 

 

I string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tells the string that they do not serve strings there. The string walks into the bar the next day and again asks for a beer and again the bartender tells the string they do not serve strings. The next day comes and the string really wants a beer, so he ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair, walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender asks "Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?" The string replies " 'Fraid not!"

 

Ha!

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RangerTurbo Newbie

RangerTurbo

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What did Tim say when he hit a big concrete wall?

 

Damn!

 

 

I string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender tells the string that they do not serve strings there. The string walks into the bar the next day and again asks for a beer and again the bartender tells the string they do not serve strings. The next day comes and the string really wants a beer, so he ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair, walks into the bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender asks "Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?" The string replies " 'Fraid not!"

 

Ha!

Punch line FAIL.

 

"Are you that string that keeps coming in here asking for a beer?"

 

"Nope, I'm a'fraid not"

 

 

 

Just saying "Fraid not" doesn't compel the twist of the punch line.

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RangerTurbo Newbie

RangerTurbo

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Got a story for you.

 

 

Theres a fish. He sees a fly above the water. Says to himself if that fly drops 6 inches he can jump and have himself a fly dinner.

 

Theres a bear. He sees that fish. Says to himself if that fly drops and that fish jumps, I can swing out, grab that fish, and have myself a fish dinner.

 

Theres a hunter. He sees the bear. Says to himself if that fly drops, that fish jumps, and that bear swings out, I can pull up my gun and have myself a bear dinner.

 

Theres a mouse. He sees the cheese sandwich in the hunters pocket. Says to himself if that fly drops, the fish jumps, the bear swings, the hunter pulls up and that sandwich falls out, I can run over and have myself a cheese sandwich dinner.

 

Theres a cat. He sees that mouse. Says to himself if that fly drops, fish jumps, bear swings, hunter pulls, and mouse runs, I can pounce the mouse and have myself a mouse dinner.

 

 

Well, it all goes to plan. Fly drops, fish jumps, bear swings, hunter pulls, mouse runs... except the cat trips on a log and rolls into the pond getting no dinner.

 

 

You know what the Moral of the story is?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet.

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spankis Newbie

spankis

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Posted

So there's a white guy, a black guy, and a hispanic guy eating lunch together during their break.

 

They each respect each other's cultural differences and have a lovely chat before returning to work for the day.

 

 

 

ALSO

 

 

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

The police. Your entire family was killed in a boating accident.

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supldys Newbie

supldys

Posted
Posted

There is a man that just got done eating dinner and he was on his way to a party.

 

Half way there he said, "man i really gotta take a dump." he got off the freeway, found an abandoned gas station went in there and took a dump.

 

While he was taking this dump he read a sign that said "There is no toilet paper... You have to wipe your ass with your first two fingers, then stick them out the hole and they will be licked clean for you."

 

Well, he had no choice so he wiped his ass with his fingers and stuck them out the hole.

 

All of a sudden a guy with two bricks smacked his fingers.

 

The man screamed with pain and licked his own fingers

 

 

Taa Daa!

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ImUrOBGYN Newbie

ImUrOBGYN

Posted
Posted

Holy crap.... lol These are all so terrible. Here's a few terrible/tasteless jokes for ya.

 

(Yes, I'm going to do it.)

What's worse than nailing a baby to a tree?

Ripping it off.

 

What screams and can't turn corners?

A baby with a spear through it.

-------------------

 

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my pa."

-------------------

 

A baby seal walks into a club...

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STEVE-O Newbie

STEVE-O

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Posted

By no means is this intended to piss anyone off but my friend's dad herd this one at work: The setting is a red neck truck driver and a predijust cop...

 

There is a truck driver driving down the road. He sees a guy pushing a bike with two flat tires. he pulls over and tells him he an hitch a ride but he has no room up front so he has to ride in the back. The guy says to the trucker that is fine thanks for the lift. Down the road a little bit the trucker is stopped at a checkpoint and the officer asks to see his manifesto. on his manifesto is says he is transporting bowling balls. They officer asks the trucker to open up the back so he can check.. The trucker walks back and opens the liftgate.. the officer jumps back and tells him to get out of the way.. The officer then radios in; this is officer doe 43068 I got a guy moving some black eggs one has already hatched and stolen a bike.

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supldys Newbie

supldys

Posted
Posted
By no means is this intended to piss anyone off but my friend's dad herd this one at work: The setting is a red neck truck driver and a predijust cop...

 

There is a truck driver driving down the road. He sees a guy pushing a bike with two flat tires. he pulls over and tells him he an hitch a ride but he has no room up front so he has to ride in the back. The guy says to the trucker that is fine thanks for the lift. Down the road a little bit the trucker is stopped at a checkpoint and the officer asks to see his manifesto. on his manifesto is says he is transporting bowling balls. They officer asks the trucker to open up the back so he can check.. The trucker walks back and opens the liftgate.. the officer jumps back and tells him to get out of the way.. The officer then radios in; this is officer doe 43068 I got a guy moving some black eggs one has already hatched and stolen a bike.

 

Ha, sorry but the funniest part about this whole joke is picturing someone trying to say prejudice the way you spelled it.

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