Johny Utah Posted March 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I wanted to know more about your relationship, because your asking for advice. I want to know things like: How long you've been together? Is the father in the childs life? How often are you in the childs life? Are you part of disciplinary actions with the child? As a "friend" to the child, do you back her up when she is trying to discipline? What are you interactions with the child? I could keep going...but some people have hit it already. In any relationship with children I strongly believe, you should be there friend before being there father. Because then you have established trust with the child. Don't be there father if you don't plan on being around for awhile. Attention is a big factor in this. A single mother and child will interact perfectly when they are alone. And as she has told you, he is fine when they are alone. When you are there, you have taken that attention from him that he is used to getting. He will get it from her however he can. Good or Bad. When you are together, you and her need to have interaction with the child together as a main focus. When the child is occupied or asleep is when you have your personal time with her. I dont want to go on a tangent because I as other here no nothing about the childs situation or your relationship with her... When you read my original post and wondered "whats that matter", its everything. We have been together for 2 months. The Father is not in his life. I have been there everynight for the past 2 months exept for maybe 7 nights. Yes somewhat, I do tell him no you can not do that and explain why. I dont really get involved to much when she is disciplining him. I will play with him, Watch his tv show or movies with him. Get him food or drinks sometimes, When we are out hold his hand or hold him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johny Utah Posted March 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 this sounds more along the lines of whats happening but maybe not in an anger issue way. I almost wonder if he is mimicking you in some way, or trying to please you in some way. How exactly is he "mean" to her her. Does he bite her? Does he say he doesnt love her?What exactly constitutes mean from a 3 year old. He has tried to hit her, Or says your bad to me your not my best friend anymore. He will go around and throw things also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.cos Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 He has tried to hit her, Or says your bad to me your not my best friend anymore. He will go around and throw things also. So mom has made herself a friend as well, and not a parent? Interesting.. Sounds like he is definatly mad about you as well as being his friend and not his mom. Has she asked him why he is throwing things at her, like had a real sit down talk to him, kind of deal? With or without you around? All of these behaviors really arent that bad as far as dealing with in the long haul and i believe can be alleviated, with a little emotional work with him. can you answer all of copperheads questions please? Good article at babycenter.com Discourage her aggressive throwing. What should you do when your toddler does throw something she shouldn't — sand from the sandbox, for instance, or blocks at another child? As much as possible, try to ignore it the first few times it happens. If she knows she can get your attention by throwing something she shouldn't at someone, she's likely to do it again. If your child often comes close to hurting other children by throwing things at them, it's important that you always react the same way, since toddlers learn through repetition. The next time she does it, say, "No, that hurts," and pull her aside for a quick time-out to call attention to the "no" and to remove her from the situation so she can start fresh in a moment. The key is to keep the time-out under a minute (a good rule of thumb is 30 seconds at this age) so your child doesn't forget why she was made to stop what she was doing. If you notice that she throws things at other children when she gets angry, encourage her to express herself with words instead. Say, "If you're angry at Emily, use your words," or, "You tell me when you get angry." It's okay to let her know you're unhappy with her behavior by your tone of voice, just don't let your anger determine your response. Try not to yell at your child, and never hit her — even if it's just her hand — to discourage her from throwing. If she persists in throwing things in a hurtful manner, even though you've tried to deter her calmly and consistently, you may have no choice but to keep an eagle eye on the toys she plays with, and to shadow her while she plays with them. As much as i hate the term "use your words" its very beneficial. A toddler may not fully understand why they are mad,but lashing out is the easiest way to deal with it, but helping them to figure it out, is a key to stopping the bad behavior or preventing it from happening all together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nurkvinny Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 there is spanking and then there is beating our child. there is a diff. I'm not reading the whole thread, but yep... this. There IS a time and place for spankings. No one will convince me otherwise, and I will never convince non-spankers otherwise. Ha, I typed, "non-spankers". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STEVE-O Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 How about if you lost your license and it jeopardized your job thus your ability to pay the bills you have? hmm...changes your mind a bit more I bet. All you're getting today is a hand-slap. Doesn't change your mind. However, if the law impacted your way of thinking long term it would change your mind. . so cops dont give warnings and at your job you dont get pulled aside or a coaching ??? yes you get chances but what does it do if everytime your kid gets sent to his room over and over and over what do you do cause obviously they dont care if they ahve to be in there room etc for a period of time... take away everything they have??? not saying you can not ecipline them without a spanking but it is in no way wrong... why do you think well before all this child abuse etc etc crap that is not real abuse children respected anyone who was older than them??? now tell me you can not find some 16 year old smoking drinking and talking back to damn near everyone they want to including the highest athority figer??? because whats the absolute worse things they know will happen they will get a fine or go to jail for a little bit??? that doesnt scare them. But if your child was afarid of the repercautions of their actions they will not want to do those things Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clifford Automotive Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 take away everything they have??? This is what happens in our house. They get sent to rooms. If they haven't learned from there, Their prized possessions are taken from them as punishment. It works because we only have had to do it twice with 2 kids. We would do it based upon behavior, grades, etc... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sully Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Run! Run as far away as fast as you can!!! /thread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerrodh Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Sound's like he is showing off for you for some reason. You two really just need to get the point to the kid that it is not funny and not be allowed, one way or another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akula Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 The PC thing to do is ignore him and tell him you don't like when he talks like that to her. SHE should step up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johny Utah Posted March 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 this sounds more along the lines of whats happening but maybe not in an anger issue way. I almost wonder if he is mimicking you in some way, or trying to please you in some way. How exactly is he "mean" to her her. Does he bite her? Does he say he doesnt love her?What exactly constitutes mean from a 3 year old. Oh and answers to all of Copperheads Questions as well... Here they are I think. We have been together for 2 months. The Father is not in his life. I have been there everynight for the past 2 months exept for maybe 7 nights. Yes somewhat, I do tell him no you can not do that and explain why. I dont really get involved to much when she is disciplining him. I will play with him, Watch his tv show or movies with him. Get him food or drinks sometimes, When we are out hold his hand or hold him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V8 Beast Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Here they are I think. We have been together for 2 months. The Father is not in his life. I have been there everynight for the past 2 months exept for maybe 7 nights. Yes somewhat, I do tell him no you can not do that and explain why. I dont really get involved to much when she is disciplining him. I will play with him, Watch his tv show or movies with him. Get him food or drinks sometimes, When we are out hold his hand or hold him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you are planning on being a permanent part of his life then get involved ( as long as she is ok with it). He's going to act out at that age no matter what is done. The key is to be consistent until he's past this phase. The more consistent she/you is/are the faster he will be over it. Spankings are needed at that age but save them for when (not if.. when) he does worse things that could cause him to hurt himself or others. Spanking kids for everything makes it lose its effectiveness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copperhead Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Oh and answers to all of Copperheads Questions as well... LEAVE ME OUTTA THIS!!! FUCK HAVING KIDS!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Jones Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 LEAVE ME OUTTA THIS!!! FUCK HAVING KIDS!!!! + 2.5 MILLION Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 This. ...He has also been diagnosed with "ADHD", another word for "lacks discipline". This is incorrect. This is a medical condition dealing with a chemical imbalance in the brain. Children/Adults with ADHD or ADD need to be parented in a different way. Just like you raise a child with autism differently then a normal child you need to do the same for ADHD/ADD. It is best treated with behavior and medication treatment. Ask a doctor if you think otherwise and learn something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
copperhead Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 This is incorrect. This is a medical condition dealing with a chemical imbalance in the brain. Children/Adults with ADHD or ADD need to be parented in a different way. Yes, as a parent you need to limit the child's intake on a dangerous substance commonly known as "sugar" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceGhost Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Dude, did you "shoplift the pootie"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Yes, as a parent you need to limit the child's intake on a dangerous substance commonly known as "sugar" This is irrelevant. I was one of those kids that rode his bike 2 miles to the candy store and spent $5. Within an hour I ate all the candy. I don't have ADHD or ADD. What you should of said is as a parent you need to explain what moderation means and how it applies to everything in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GonneVille Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 This is incorrect. This is a medical condition dealing with a chemical imbalance in the brain. Children/Adults with ADHD or ADD need to be parented in a different way. Just like you raise a child with autism differently then a normal child you need to do the same for ADHD/ADD. It is best treated with behavior and medication treatment. Ask a doctor if you think otherwise and learn something. It's also a medical condition that has been wildly over-diagnosed in the past, and continues to be the pop-psych scapegoat of choice for misbehavior. Believe me, been there, done that, got pills shoved down my throat for years while I was being there and doing that. Tim, you're working with old data, dude. New behavioral studies are showing that kids who are spanked up to around the age of six are happier and more productive as teens. It works. http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2010/01/05/children-who-are-spanked-just-may-be-more-successful/ http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=2409510 http://topnews.us/content/29657-spanking-students-may-benefit-them-study Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
87GT Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 It's also a medical condition that has been wildly over-diagnosed in the past, and continues to be the pop-psych scapegoat of choice for misbehavior. Believe me, been there, done that, got pills shoved down my throat for years while I was being there and doing that. Tim, you're working with old data, dude. New behavioral studies are showing that kids who are spanked up to around the age of six are happier and more productive as teens. It works. http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2010/01/05/children-who-are-spanked-just-may-be-more-successful/ http://www.nationalpost.com/news/story.html?id=2409510 http://topnews.us/content/29657-spanking-students-may-benefit-them-study Do you ever post anything positive that doesn't attack previous posts? Have you taken an ADHD test before? Have you ever lived with someone diagnosed with ADHD/ADD? Do you always check google.com before you post on here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archie Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 (edited) You're about 1 camaro, a thousand beers, and many of bottles liqour away from being stepdad. *edit - I just saw that you have a Camaro... start drinkin and gettin mean. Edited March 3, 2010 by Archie Professional stepdad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GMoney Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Here they are I think. We have been together for 2 months. The Father is not in his life. I have been there everynight for the past 2 months exept for maybe 7 nights. Yes somewhat, I do tell him no you can not do that and explain why. I dont really get involved to much when she is disciplining him. I will play with him, Watch his tv show or movies with him. Get him food or drinks sometimes, When we are out hold his hand or hold him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did you rush into it? Spent every night there since you went out with her? Golden vagina? Does she have a sister? I need to find one of these golden vagina's, share it. Relationships for young children can be very hard on them. Be very careful around him. If you get real close to him and her then bolt, its gonna be the hardest on the young boy. Hitting any living thing in any way is incorrect. Ask the dog trainer on CR. Positive reinforcement! It works for people and animals, strange... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GMoney Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 You're about 1 camaro, a thousand beers, and many of bottles liqour away from being stepdad. So true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam1647545489 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 http://mls.theoffside.com/files/2010/02/wooden-spoon.png made me shut up fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V8 Beast Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Hitting any living thing in any way is incorrect. Ask the dog trainer on CR. Positive reinforcement! It works for people and animals, strange... Hitting is bad.. spanking is good. I pop my dog and strong arm him at times too. Any real trainer will tell you that with bigger breeds (and some smaller ones based on their temperment) you have to show your dominant on occasion to put them in their place... Same goes with bad ass kids. Spanking is a tool that when used properly along with other techniques produces good productive citizens. There are millions of ways to discipline kids.. use them all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GonneVille Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Do you ever post anything positive that doesn't attack previous posts? Have you taken an ADHD test before? Have you ever lived with someone diagnosed with ADHD/ADD? Do you always check google.com before you post on here? Yes, I took ADHD tests. I probably spent WEEKS of actual time taking behavioral tests. I was diagnosed as ADHD as a kid, spent almost eight years (And my parents spent almost all of my college fund) getting Ritalin, Dexedrine, and a bunch of other crap force fed to me three times a day before a psychologist finally said that I didn't have ADHD, probably NEVER had it, was misdiagnosed like thousands of other kids, and never needed any kind of medication. Should I just open my mouth and get the usual BS from people saying I'm talking out my ass? I put up links to short-cut the fifteen posts it usually takes people here to accuse someone of making shit up before the poster finally finds a link to back up what they're saying. You'd think I'd maybe get a little credit for checking my facts andgetting corroboration before I post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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