Brownsfan1 Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 Reds, Bengals, BrownsThe end. Forgot the Indians. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjachic Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 One summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, a blonde (of course!!), new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. May they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.(REMEMBER, this is TRUE)Under the boar, still strapped securely in place was the trailer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjachic Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 14 year old girl?Slick her hair back and she looks 12. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjachic Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 Short, sweet and to the point. A devout Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel. The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a camel!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ninjachic Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 1. You grow poppies and refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor. You may be a Muslim 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher and ammo, but you can't afford shoes. You may be a Muslim 3. You have more wives than teeth. You may be a Muslim 4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon and pork unclean. You may be a Muslim 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You may be a Muslim 6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against. You may be a Muslim 7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. You may be a Muslim 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. You may be a Muslim 9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four. You may be a Muslim 10. Your cousin is president of the United States . You may be a Muslim 11. You find this offensive or racist and won't forward it. You probably are a Muslim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackFlash Posted October 19, 2012 Report Share Posted October 19, 2012 An Amish family was visiting the city for the first time. In a department store, the father and young son came upon a wall with two shiny metal panels that would slide apart allowing people to enter a small room, and then close again. Soon, they would open and a group of people would exit. They watched as an old, feeble lady entered the small room, then the doors closed. The Amish father and son look at one another, then watch as a dial with numbers above the doors goes up in count, then returns backwards. The doors slide open again, and the Amish father and son behold a most amazing site. Out of the small room comes the most beautiful young woman that they had ever seen.Stricken by silence for a moment, they look at each other for a long while. Afterwhich, the Amish father says. "Son, go fetch your mother!" )))))):biker:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2fat2fly Posted October 25, 2012 Report Share Posted October 25, 2012 The Black Bra (as told by a woman)I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.Here's how it all went.My engaged friend:The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress:Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.Then I had to share my story:When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, " What's for dinner, Batman?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2fat2fly Posted October 30, 2012 Report Share Posted October 30, 2012 Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room, Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three more. The barman says, "You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it .......... Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time." Patrick replies, "Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America ; & de odder in Australia ; & here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder." The barman admits that this is a nice custom & says no more. Patrick becomes a regular customer, & always drinks the same way ....... Ordering three pints & drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in & orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice! & fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, The barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops & he starts to laugh, "Oh no," he says, "Bejesus, everyone is fine ! Tis me, ......................... I've Quit Drinking !" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pipefighter248 Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gsxr1000bill Posted November 3, 2012 Report Share Posted November 3, 2012 ^^^wtf? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scruit Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 ^^^wtf?Spamming to up his post count. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted November 14, 2012 Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife." - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted November 14, 2012 Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 A man tells his wife of 15 years that "It feels like we've only been married for 15 minutes..."The wife says, "That's so sweet!" Until he finished the sentence, "...yeah 15 minutes under water!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redbarron77 Posted November 14, 2012 Report Share Posted November 14, 2012 A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?" The Jewish man replied, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.00? The Taliban shouted, "Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!!!" OK, OK!!! said the old Jewish man, It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom??? Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead. He said "Your fucking brother won't let me in without a tie!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Why can't most motorcycle stand up by themselves? ... ... ... Cuz they're TWO tired Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 Did you hear about that crosseyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 It's ok if it's raining cats and dogs as long as it isn't reindeer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 What do ya call a blonde with only two brain cells? Pregnant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limenine9r Posted November 15, 2012 Report Share Posted November 15, 2012 What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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