Lauren Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Anybody ever lost a parent before? Was it expected or unexpected? My father went into the hospital two weeks ago for back and stomach pain. He was hospitalized for two weeks. Monday he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It has spread to stomach and lymph nodes as well. Doctors have given him 6 months to live. There is nothing they can do for him. So now I have to prepare myself with the fact my dad is going to be passing away. I'm grateful for the man he is and grateful he has got to spend a lot of time with my wife and kids in these past two years. It really sucks there isn't anything I can do for him. I'm not ready for him to be gone Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.cos Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Talk to him about anything you can. Tell him you love him. Record his voice if you can... especially him saying your name.. My family is stupid close.. and when my grandfather passed at the ripe age of 83 he still wasn't ready.. z We have his message on the answering machine of my grandfather.. I'm sorry for your family to go through this.. it won't be easy and if he's still capable make sure you ask him where ANY pertinent paperwork is that may be needed. (Wills, bank info, codes to safes, pin code as) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinner Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 My father passed when I was 5 (36 years ago) and my mother passed 3 and a half years ago from cancer that she fought for 17 years. All I can say is its really hard and was hard for me. If you want to talk about it pm me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky31186 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Both of my grandparents died of cancer. My father also died 4 years ago. My only suggestion is to spend whatever time with them you can and remember the good times. Also know that they will be in a much better place without being in pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littleguy Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 My dad was sick for 13 years before he died, too many "last trips" to the hospital. My mom passed away unexpectedly and I was glad that I didn't have to see her spend years sick. Sorry to hear about your father, I wish you all the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orion Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 Mother died of liver cancer after fighting off cancer 8 other times. She lived with me and I was her primary caregiver for the last 10 years of her life. We knew that death was ever only a heartbeat away, so we took care of a lot of things before hand. Made sure all of her accounts were TOD, made sure the deed to the home was in my name and that she was off of the mortgage. Took my name off of all of her credit cards. Essentially made sure that there would be no need to file an estate at all. And then, as others have been said, we lived like she was dying. We went places when we could, did things as often as we could. Mom recorded things, wrote letters, painted...tried to leave a legacy. I bust your chops in the football thread, dude, but I'm sincerely sorry to hear about your fathers diagnosis. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you guys, and when the time comes, I hope it goes easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acklac7 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It has spread to stomach and lymph nodes as well. Doctors have given him 6 months to live. There is nothing they can do for him. What Hospital/Doctor told you this Fought my Dad back (tooth and nail) from Stage 3 Colorectal Cancer; he's been cancer free for almost 6 years now. My Uncle got Diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer roughly 5 years ago; he's been on Chemo for the past 4 years and doing pretty damn good. (He walks 3 miles everyday). I'd get a Second Opinion. I can't say enough good things about The James. Not sure of your Financial situation, but if you have the Money Fly him out to MD Anderson in Texas - Probably the best Cancer Hospital in the Country. They worked Miracles for my Uncle. Miracles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acklac7 Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) Also should add that my Uncle initially got a similarly grim diagnosis (Colon Cancer which had Spread to the Lymph nodes and the Liver). Only to have MD Anderson give him a completely different outlook and a completely different plan of "attack" Get a second opinion. Edited November 30, 2016 by acklac7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Not Brian Posted November 30, 2016 Report Share Posted November 30, 2016 I live every day being bored and doing nothing about it. I imagine finding out that I'm going to die soon would wake me up and I'd go do cool shit for the rest of my time. You should take part in that as much as you can so when he's gone you can look back with a smile. It's better than him passing unexpectedly leaving you with regret. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geeesammy Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 Lost my dad in 2011, I was 19. In Feb/March of 2010 he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, basically the same situation as it seems you are in. Looking back I regret a lot. All I can say is treasure every moment. Watching and listening to a parent fucking die on a hospice bed is nothing I would wish on anyone and hope no one else has to go through. A lot more I could say/talk about after a few beers, If you want to grab one and chat feel free to PM me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceGhost Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 In 2011 I got a call at 5am from the hospital in Phoenix, my stepmom was Thai and didn't speak English well, so a staff member told me my Dad had a heart attack and they tried for an hour to revive him and were unsuccessful. Drove to Phoenix by myself that day and the next and did some thinking. Sorry man, spend the time left wisely and make sure talk about anything. Especially legal stuff and wishes no matter how hard it is to talk about that stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Cranium Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 I lost my mom 16 years ago, and then my dad a few years back. My wife lost both of her parents before we met. My sister is the only immediate family I have left. I think that has made us closer than we were before. I support the recommendation to get a second opinion, but it's also time to make sure nothing is left unsaid. There typically isn't more than a week goes by that I don't come up with a question for my dad. I should have seen his passing coming, but I never came to terms with it. He was my dad, he had always been there, and obviously he always would. He is the reason I started working with wood. I never really had the interest when he was around. Now I'm putting his shop back in shape and putting his old tools to work. It makes me feel a little bit closer to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlr8tn Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 sorry to hear about your dad.....it's not an easy thing to go through for sure. My dad died at 62 in 2005 and my mom died a year later at 62. It sucks and there's still very few days that I don't think about them. My dad never got to meet 2 of my kids and my mom never met my youngest. She died about the time my daughter was 1 so my daughter has no memory of either of them. I feel ripped off and feel like my kids got ripped off because my parents were built to be grand parents.....they would've been great at it. Both my wife's parents are still alive and neither spends much time with them (divorced). My wife doesn't speak to her mom so she has zero contact with them and has only met our youngest 1 time briefly at a funeral. Can you tell I'm bitter about the grandparent situation? Like someone said....spend as much time as you can with him and make sure you tell him you love him. Ask him as many questions as you can think up. Sorry for what you guys are going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin5s Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 get a 2nd and 3rd opinion... What oncology center is he going to? I like the idea of the recordings of his voice. I would like to have some of those of my dad now although I still hear his voice in my head and he passed 3 years ago. I wish I could say that the death will get easier with time but it doesn't. You just don't think of it as much but that doesn't mean that the pain isn't just as fresh when you do. Don't be afraid of chemo. they've come a long way since years ago. They now give you meds to help with the sickness and you don't always loose your hair (I didn't.... in my defense the hair on my head was gone long ago) Hearing the word cancer can quickly take much out of you and you feel defeated, he needs you to push to fight it and help him stay positive. Try to take trips in between treatments and make sure to do things with him. Don't put them off until next weekend or you will soon get the call and be filled with tons of regret. The most important thing is to make sure that he never feels alone in the fight. It's always WE have this... WE will beat it. the feeling of defeat and loneliness with cancer is the hardest part of the battle. If you keep his moral up, win or loose, his quality of life will be the best it can be. Also prepare yourself now, cry, read up on it... this will be an ugly battle and watching him go through this will put you to the limits of what you can emotionally handle. PM me if you have any questions or need someone to talk to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acklac7 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 get a 2nd and 3rd opinion... What oncology center is he going to? I like the idea of the recordings of his voice. I would like to have some of those of my dad now although I still hear his voice in my head and he passed 3 years ago. I wish I could say that the death will get easier with time but it doesn't. You just don't think of it as much but that doesn't mean that the pain isn't just as fresh when you do. Don't be afraid of chemo. they've come a long way since years ago. They now give you meds to help with the sickness and you don't always loose your hair (I didn't.... in my defense the hair on my head was gone long ago) Hearing the word cancer can quickly take much out of you and you feel defeated, he needs you to push to fight it and help him stay positive. Try to take trips in between treatments and make sure to do things with him. Don't put them off until next weekend or you will soon get the call and be filled with tons of regret. The most important thing is to make sure that he never feels alone in the fight. It's always WE have this... WE will beat it. the feeling of defeat and loneliness with cancer is the hardest part of the battle. If you keep his moral up, win or loose, his quality of life will be the best it can be. Also prepare yourself now, cry, read up on it... this will be an ugly battle and watching him go through this will put you to the limits of what you can emotionally handle. PM me if you have any questions or need someone to talk to. THIS.ALL OF THIS. I will quote this post for the rest of my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acklac7 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 Spot reserved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buck531 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 My dad passed away 3 years ago. It wasn't a quick process either. He had Parkinsons and slowly deteriorated for 10 years. That was the hardest part. Then one day he stood up out of his chair at home and either had a stroke or whatever but passed out, smacked his forehead on the hardwood floor, had bleeding on the brain/stroke Wasn't sure if the fall caused it or it happened before. He recovered but was really never able to speak, have any emotion, anything. We all just slowly saw him die. By the end of the 9 months of him being in either hospitals, assisted living, I had emotion but I already prepared myself and knew it was going to come sooner or later. It's life, it sucks, and eventually you move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BStowers023 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 What Hospital/Doctor told you this Fought my Dad back (tooth and nail) from Stage 3 Colorectal Cancer; he's been cancer free for almost 6 years now. My Uncle got Diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer roughly 5 years ago; he's been on Chemo for the past 4 years and doing pretty damn good. (He walks 3 miles everyday). I'd get a Second Opinion. I can't say enough good things about The James. Not sure of your Financial situation, but if you have the Money Fly him out to MD Anderson in Texas - Probably the best Cancer Hospital in the Country. They worked Miracles for my Uncle. Miracles. Pancreatic Cancer is very aggressive... I believe it is one of the worst, but with the advances in medical technology and treatment, anything is possible. I definitely wouldn't give up no matter what the doctor told me. I'm really sorry to hear about this Brian. I know we screw with you a lot on the College Football thread, but that's all in good fun and it's sports. I've been to far too many funerals in my short time here. It never gets easier, but like others have said, just enjoy the time with him you have left. Do fun stuff if he's able. Cancer is a real threat to all of us, and I really hope we can find a real cure because it has taken way too many people way too early. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted December 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 Hey guys thanks for the thoughtful posts. I appreciate reading everyone's replies. My dads situation is not good. We have several opinions and even from mayo clinic. His cancer has metastasized in his body. Started in pancreas and now in colon, liver, stomach, lymph nodes and pancreas. Luckily it hasn't hit lungs or brain yet. He has zero energy. Has about 2/3 good hours a day. He also lives in Florida so this is even tougher. I'm flying down in a week to spend time with him and then hoping to fly him up here for Christmas depending on how he is doing. If you aren't aware pancreatic cancer is literally the worst cancer. There isn't really a survival rate with it. The only hope is catching it at stage 1 and if it can be surgically removed. His is t able to be surgically removed and it's spread to far in his system at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 A couple instances I can share with you: My fiancée's father committed suicided 3 days after she and I met for the first time. He was dating a girl who had gotten into some shit and he thought she was going to pull him into it and couldn't bear going to prison again. It turned out to be nothing but the damage was done. She never got to say goodbye. Don't hold anything back. Don't be afraid to say things you've held back. Every once in a while I'll see her break down next to his ashes which are on our mantle because there were many things she wanted to share with him. A former colleague of mine was diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. His lungs are turning into scar tissue, and he's slowly going to suffocate to death over the course of a few years basically. He bought an RV and traveled the country, played some rounds of golf at some bucket list courses like Pebble Beach. Find out if there's anything your dad wanted to do and see if you can make it happen. Even if it's just spending time on a beach somewhere. Don't let there be any regrets when he passes. Grief, anger, etc are fine, but do everything you can to not regret what you did with the time you have left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V8 Beast Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 I live every day being bored and doing nothing about it. I imagine finding out that I'm going to die soon would wake me up and I'd go do cool shit for the rest of my time. You should take part in that as much as you can so when he's gone you can look back with a smile. It's better than him passing unexpectedly leaving you with regret. This. I lost my Dad to liver cancer. He found out with about 3 weeks left before he passed away and was a little too sick to have fun. I wish I had some extra time to help him smile before he left. If he's able to get out and enjoy some things I would heavily advise to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acklac7 Posted December 1, 2016 Report Share Posted December 1, 2016 Hey guys thanks for the thoughtful posts. I appreciate reading everyone's replies. My dads situation is not good. We have several opinions and even from mayo clinic. His cancer has metastasized in his body. Started in pancreas and now in colon, liver, stomach, lymph nodes and pancreas. Luckily it hasn't hit lungs or brain yet. He has zero energy. Has about 2/3 good hours a day. He also lives in Florida so this is even tougher. I'm flying down in a week to spend time with him and then hoping to fly him up here for Christmas depending on how he is doing. If you aren't aware pancreatic cancer is literally the worst cancer. There isn't really a survival rate with it. The only hope is catching it at stage 1 and if it can be surgically removed. His is t able to be surgically removed and it's spread to far in his system at this point. Sorry man, did some research and quickly found this out Where in Florida is he? Health care in Florida is Horrible. Health care in Southwest Florida is downright Criminal. I'd try and get him back up here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsm_sleeper Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 Sorry to read that. There seems to be some good info here: Treatment: http://www.dr-gonzalez.com/treatment.htm Survivors: http://www.dr-gonzalez.com/pancreatic.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 Anybody ever lost a parent before? Was it expected or unexpected? My father went into the hospital two weeks ago for back and stomach pain. He was hospitalized for two weeks. Monday he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It has spread to stomach and lymph nodes as well. Doctors have given him 6 months to live. There is nothing they can do for him. So now I have to prepare myself with the fact my dad is going to be passing away. I'm grateful for the man he is and grateful he has got to spend a lot of time with my wife and kids in these past two years. It really sucks there isn't anything I can do for him. I'm not ready for him to be gone In my case I cared for my father the last 12 months of his life. Moved him to Columbus and had to leverage a fabulous assisted living center. His death was expected but we were fortunate enough to know it was likely not weeks but months to years. I'll try and bullet point a few random thoughts but am always open for a cup of coffee as this is a pretty near/dear subject. Painful for me honestly. It's been 2.5yrs but I'd be lying if I said I didn't break down every now and then. Time helps though... If he's well enough to go places within reason and it's not too terribly difficult, do it but only if it's his thing. My dad wanted to sit on a beach and feel the sand he said during a silly conversation one time. I drove him to Virginia Beach and we lived like kings even if it was only for four days. I regret not having enough time to just sit and watch a baseball game with him, talk sports and listen to his stories of what life was like growing up one more time. Others have mentioned perhaps the most important thing and in my case the conversation one day just went down the path of soul bearing. Dad shared things with me that blew my hair back at times. Things and personal items I never knew. Not jsut about him or me or my family but events in his life. I will never forget that moment and feeling as I don't know if it was him internalizing and accepting his own death but that night was about 36hrs before he passed. Lastly I will tell you the very most intimate moment and one that makes me tear up even as I type, is that I was with him and by his side for the entire last two weeks of his life. Most importantly those last two days. I showered at the hospital and stayed with him through his last breath. Perhaps the hardest moment of my 46yrs. He chose to remove his oxygen mask and pass on his terms. He faced it like the soldier he was in the day and I will never forget the heartache flet but I just try and remember that he was ready to go and it was pure respect and bravery and love he exhibited right up to the end. Be there with him for him and for you. Don't try and prepare as you can't. Remember though time does help. I don't think it will ever heal the wound you'll feel, but it softens the pain. Good luck to you man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tractor Posted December 2, 2016 Report Share Posted December 2, 2016 My wife lost her mother unexpectedly and her father dealt with bad health for decades. Its hard either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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