chachi1189 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend(248): YES.(614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between usgotta love Ohioans Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockstarhonda Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (edited) Good stuff...try fmylife.com...best stories ever Edited July 25, 2009 by RC51 John Fixed link Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrillo Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction sectionthats a good one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrillo Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Omfg!!(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 i read no more after this one WINNAR!!!!(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder(571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.come on nate keep up man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag. could you imagin he sound taht would make Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likwid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 wow lol, there is too much good shit on this site! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Likwid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.wow you're tiny, I use a hefty bag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 LOLwokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dustinsn3485 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 859): MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.(650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!(408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... (310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dustinsn3485 Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (323): You got in a fight last night?(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? (843): I think im pregnant(803): I think you have the wrong number (540): I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow nerds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 holy fuck!!!!! im fucking crying!!!!(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?(1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 ok i have to quit.........(864): weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RSVDon Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 THIS SITE IS THE ANTICHRIST OF PRODUCTIVITY!!!!!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vulcan_Rider Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 Cleveland area FTW(216): Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?(440): Probably.(216): I'm in. (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account(1-216): damn...impressive bar tab(216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want?(740): 100 blowjobs (440): obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night (440): just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.(440): Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.(330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down(330): when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk(330): now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC51 John Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chachi1189 Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 nice sig Johni'm supposing you're goin off of all the leg humping that goes on round these parts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey1 Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 Omfg!!lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC51 John Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 nice sig Johni'm supposing you're goin off of all the leg humping that goes on round these parts?More like the ladies that join for the attention.Though there may be a crack down on some of the To be truthful it was Ross701's idea and he made one for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whitey1 Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 303): I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund. (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. (805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info. (079): I think we need to take a brake(078): What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC51 John Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 (408): booty call(925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ross Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 (347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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