I'm too lazy and tired to read everyone's responses. I believe it's a little bit of both. There is a big "grey" area here. The important thing is....are you able to apologize and forgive one another when hurtful things are said? Even if it is the truth forgive, forget, and move on. The first year of marriage is the hardest. I wish I would have made it past my first year. Unfortunately there wasn't much forgiveness of both our parts. Marriage is a gift and it takes much, much more than love to make it work. Even when you say hurtful things the effective communication afterwards is what gets you through the rough spots. That's my 2 cents anyways for what it's worth.