nurkvinny Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Copied from EHOWA.com Chuck Norris was going to spend a relaxing day watching television when one of those commercials for Trix cereal came on. Angered by what he saw, Chuck Norris spent the rest of his, what was supposed to be a relaxing day, punching every child he came across. He would then shout at them, “Trix are for Chuck Norris.” Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky". When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. As a teen Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. The sun doesn't actually rise or set. Chuck Norris simply claps twice. Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon. You do the math. Chuck Norris cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own ass. The result was the second ice age. Rather than "good intentions," Chuck Norris paved the road to Hell with the mangled corpses of the Viet Cong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coty061885 Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Haha, all of them are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohio_wookie Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 thank you Chuck Norris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orion Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 damn. that chuck is one bad dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheHaze Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buck531 Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Mr. T once ate four 72 oz. steaks in 12 minutes. He spent the first 5 minutes laughing at the fact it takes Chuck Norris fifteen minutes to eat three. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinner Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
93berettagt Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 A few of my favorite from that site When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'." Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjackson Posted January 9, 2006 Report Share Posted January 9, 2006 yes, but did you know that when not in combat, Ninjas collect sea shells? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cougar1647545494 Posted January 10, 2006 Report Share Posted January 10, 2006 Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaSSon Posted January 11, 2006 Report Share Posted January 11, 2006 chuck norris told vin deisel to go fuck himself, god is afraid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gergwheel1647545492 Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx?type=1 hahahahhahaa "Boys will be boys" What the fuck is he talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokinHawk1647545499 Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 Downs syndrome is not a birth defect, its actually kids that get a swift roundhouse kick in the face by chuck norris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Science Abuse Posted January 13, 2006 Report Share Posted January 13, 2006 Rather than "good intentions," Chuck Norris paved the road to Hell with the mangled corpses of the Viet Cong. hehehehe He's capitalizing on this to try and sell books, how cute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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