Mojoe Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 "Per wife approval I should be able to come" I read this today and am having a hard time with it. You are a grown adult, male or female. Not on house arrest and living a responsible life. All curtsies put into play; such as, letting the other know you want to go do something and making sure it does not conflict with a prior plan. All that said; why in the hell do so many people have to get a hall pass just to hang with some people or got to an event? If you get the downer guilt trip every time you want to go do something fun, thing's are way out of balance. Can anyone shed light on this for me. I'm not trying to single anyone out. I just get frustrated for the person in this situation. Where is the balance? Is it made up in the bedroom? The bank account? I'll leave you and take the kid's? Discuss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jelloman4571647545499 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 hold me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
excell Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 I think Joe needs some sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BIG SHAFE Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Because guys give up their right for sex. End of story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Apex Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Pussy owns us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotarded1647545491 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Oh wait, I know who this........nevermind. Joe, You know how lucky I have it, but you have to realize there are different types of relationships. I have an old friend who has the shortest leash known to man. Yes it is an extreme case, but some women will do almost anything to seperate thier man from the rest of the known world. Especially if they don't have the kohones to stand up for themselves, or have a past which cast jealousy or doubt about thier intentions. Let me digress and state that this probably is not the case in your associate's situation. You more than likely have left off several mitigating factors such as several small children, or other agreed upon responsibilities that need attended to. Relationships, for the most part, are like banks. You make deposits into an "emotional bank account". These can be anything from a simple gesture like saying "you look beautiful", to other things like suprising her by taking her out for dessert after she's made dinner, to buying her something nice (yeah jewelry works well). Throughout a period of time you also make withdrawls. Now get this though, things you may think are insignificant can be HUGE withdrawls. A simple smart-ass comment, taken the wrong way, can empty your account in a hurry. Remember, they are women and it'll never make complete sense. Now lets use the previous info in an example. John Dough has a wife, 3 kids under 10 years old and a nice house in a quiet neghborhood. He works 50 hours a week, is in night school for an advanced degree. He still has his Mustang he built and raced before he met his wife. This means he has very little one on one time with his wife after his normal day, which means his "emotional bank account" normally teeters at a zero balance. No matter what deposits are made, even small things, like going out into the garage to tinker, can cause an overdraft. Bigger things like an evening out can nearly bankrupt him without some serious planning and forethought. This all being said, you must adjust your paradigm to understand what each person has on their plate, and how it affects their world. P.S. You NEVER say you need to ask the wife. Most of us have the courtesy to ask/tell them, we just neglect to mention that part to our buddies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson1647545504 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 "Per wife approval I should be able to come" All that said; why in the hell do so many people have to get a hall pass just to hang with some people or got to an event? If you get the downer guilt trip every time you want to go do something fun, thing's are way out of balance. Can anyone shed light on this for me. I'm not trying to single anyone out. I just get frustrated for the person in this situation. Where is the balance? Is it made up in the bedroom? The bank account? I'll leave you and take the kid's? Discuss. There is no balance ... its a divorce waiting to happen unless he is "stuck" (kids/house/money). Thats how my ex was/is. My divorce was finalized a few weeks back ... and freedom has never been so sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam1647545489 Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Just say who it is so we can all make pussy whipped jokes.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitrousbird Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Marriage should not be a prison. No wonder I've had a couple very long term relationships, but have never even looked into getting married. The day I am put on lockdown is the day I escape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinner Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Very well put Mike. I have gone out a handfull of times this year. Some meets and some just hanging out with friends and what not and my wife understands that I like to get out as well. Hell she goes out with her friends too. With us we always ask/check with each other first if its ok to make sure the other didn't have plans. Also since we work completely differnet hrs the only time we really get to sit down, hang out, or do whatever is @ or after 10 pm and thats only if my boys are not up fussing or what have you. Before we had kids I was able to do more and had a bit more freedom. I can't speak for the other people on the board but for me if I didn't run me going out past my wife to make sure she or we had plans would not be a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evan9381 Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Just say who it is so we can all make pussy whipped jokes.... http://www.columbusracing.com/showthread.php?t=31040 hahahah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojoe Posted November 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 I really don't know the guy that well. I have met him and been around him, maybe 2 times. So, calling him out is pointless. I don't know his situation at all. But, when I heard the" "check with the wife" come up, it just really made me think about how often I hear that. Mike, You are dead on as I see things. So, with us having a shared point of view, I still wonder how one finds them self in these situations. Does the other partner have no hobbies or interests to follow on there own? Lack of money, understandable. I know kids can come in to play on this. But I can only think that there is some sort of lack of communication/effort for a couple to have over bearing issues like this. Checking with them and letting them know this or that is going on, is a must. But, you can tell some people are always shut down for what seems like no reason at all. That is what I'm frustrated with. I hear what some of you are saying with the "sex is power". With out medical reason's, no fucking way is holding out on sex acceptable. Dangle a fucking carrot and make the other one do trick's, fuck that. The respect has to be on both sides. I'll if it is just emotional selfishness form a socially inept person trying to hold the reins of there partner. Please continue with the input. And Chris, I always need sex. But that's just me, 24/7. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Karacho1647545492 Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 i'll wait for the real shrink (tilley)to chime in with his professional opinion, but here's the stupid college student psych 101 version of it: naturally, women are configured to want a man to provide for her and to protect her and her children. men are geared to "spread the seed", but the incentive to stay with a single woman would be to ensure that he is the only father of his children. therefore, women are more concerned with keeping the man close. any truth to all this shit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhobs Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Ok from a females point of view. Since me and my husband have been married we have learned a lot from these types of situations. For instance i used to go out every friday nite with the girls. That made him mad bc of guys hitting on me. He said I dont want you to go to bars anymore. So i had the courtesy to stop going out and drinking with out him bc i knew that it bothered him. It means more to me to make my hubby happy then to get drunk at some stupid bar. Yes he does things that Im not to crazy about but that doenst stop him ever from doing things that he wants to do. We both make sacrafices but there is a time that you need space from each other and we both understand that. I used to get mad over things that he would do but thats dumb bc he doenst care when i want to go do something so he should be treated the same. thats how you make a relationship stay sane. We both have opposite schedules so M-F we both do our own thing basically and on the weekends we pretty much spend them together since i dont see him all week. Ok ill stop rambling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Removed Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Divorce :nod: :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojoe Posted November 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 FC500, I'm glad you took the time to share your situation. I talked to a female tonight on this topic, and I was pleased her views were open minded like yours. I'm not a big fan of "just get divorced". I'm very familiar with "take your time before you get married" though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desperado Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Hmmm, I have another side to this. I personally can't keep a schedule. If I don't tell the wife about appointments and shit like that I don't go because I forget them, it's just the way it is. Also, family with me comes FIRST! But refer to what I said before, there can be plans to do a family thing that I will have no memory of being told about for a specific date and time and will make other plans. Of course then I look like a fucking idiot (more than normal even). I don't know this guy at all so I can 't say if that's his deal as well or not. For me it's not a sex thing, or a being whipped thing, it's a "I don't ever remember what I am doing from one day to the next thing." Now I will say that early on in tha marriage, shit was pretty much her being possesive. And that shit didn't fly with me but I figured what the hell, then I ended up screwing an old GF and running off the wife for a month or so. But that is anpther story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Removed Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 I'm very familiar with "take your time before you get married" though. thats it, unless you've done something too break her trust. then you'll be playying "hunny im going ______." for a while. fact! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrblunt Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 P.S. You NEVER say you need to ask the wife. Most of us have the courtesy to ask/tell them, we just neglect to mention that part to our buddies. AMEN to that. My boss is constantly saying he needs to ask his wife, it drives me up the f'n wall. My wife expresses discontent with a majority of the things I want to do and it always puts me in a rough position. I'm asked to go out with friends at least a few times a week and I have to make the decision on weither or not to deal with a bitchy wife or to simply stay at home to keep the peace. What sucks is that I encourage her to go out with her friends and I can honestly say in the 9 yr's we've been together I've never told her she couldnt do something. I'm just much more passive and don't really give a shit. Your friend may be in a similar situation. He may have a wifey that wants to spend time with him (most women think you dont spend enough time together, imo) and gets bitchy if he goes out w/o her. If they have kids it gets very difficult to get away w/o a fight. I think most guys want time with their friends to just chill but they have to pick their battles. Give him the benefit of the doubt as he may have just chosen his words unwisely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nate1647545505 Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 I'm gay, so none of this really applies to me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boost-n-Juice Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 throw a kid into the equation, wife with no friends or hobbies and is in her prime and wants sex every day. Try getting out of the house then. Seroiusly, you gotta give the respect to ask. It looks different from your buddy's eyes though, but if he never makes it out to hang and always has excuses, well then he's a sucka. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bhobs Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 FC500, I'm glad you took the time to share your situation. I talked to a female tonight on this topic, and I was pleased her views were open minded like yours. I'm not a big fan of "just get divorced". I'm very familiar with "take your time before you get married" though. Thanks....I know that when we were first together i seemed to be untrusting in where he was going and i think that has most to do with the wifeys not wanting the hubbys going out bc of the trust. I realized this guy married me for a reason and if he decided to be untrusting and go out and cheat then thats his loss. I am definately getting better on not caring what he goes and does. But the shitty thing is the opposite schedules and i only really see him on the weekends and shit i do his laundry and clean the house i think i deserve some lovin on the weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokin5s Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 it's not really asking... it's making sure that she doesn't have other plans, or whatever... it seems that alot of the time, we use the phrase where it's not really meant the way it sounds. I say, "I gotta ask the boss" all the time... is she my boss or do I have to ask? Hail no... naturally though you should want to be with your family and kids... not out at the bar getting drunk... if you say that you would rather be at the bar then either you aren't ready or should re-evaluate your situation Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mojoe Posted November 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Guys/gal(lol); for one, I'm very impressed with those of you that have shared your personal relationship experience and success. CR has some very happy couples; good to hear. desperado, your memory just scares me. Boost-n-Juice, I think I could handle that type of home life. Is she freaky? Don't answer that, I'm just kidding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devils Advocate Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Hearing someone refer to hoblick as a hubby is downright frightening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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