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? For People Who Been Dating Someone For Awhile....Getting Bugged To Get Married

CJINOHIO03

By CJINOHIO03,
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CJINOHIO03 Rookie

CJINOHIO03

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I have been with my current gf for a few years. It is a up and down relationship. She now has been bugging me to get married. I said we fight now what would being married change accomplish etc.

 

Do all women do this? I have never been married and dont really feel the need to. Maybe it is because my parents are divorced or maybe in the back of my head I feel I can do better etc.

 

Am I crazy about all of this?

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Science Abuse Newbie

Science Abuse

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I have been with my current gf for a few years. It is a up and down relationship.

How many years? Ever seriously think about leaving? All relationships are up and down, if you "glue" has been strong enough to go through 5 years of dating, marriage may not be out of the question.

 

Warning: Thinking you can do better will leave you a lonely old man. Everyone thinks it from time to time.

 

One thing is for sure: Once marriage has been brought up, one of two things will happen:

-You will get Married

-She will leave you because she wants a husband.

 

No one here can tell you which of those is better for you.

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copperhead Rookie

copperhead

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The divorce rate in the US is stupid high. Marriage won't help pre existing problems. I've had several friends jump into it, only to see it fall apart quickly (and usually right after having a kid). I'd say bail on it unless you feel very strongly that she is the one for you and that it WILL work.
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Reed44 Newbie

Reed44

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Yeah its normal. If she will be faithful and has good qualities I say go for it. I have been with mine for 4 years and have a baby on the way. Sounds like marriage is next for me.
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Nitrousbird Newbie

Nitrousbird

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Dump her. And this is coming from someone who was in that situation.

 

I dated a chick for 3 years (about a year too long). After about a year, she started pushing for the engagement thing, and during the 3rd year really started pushing it.

 

We had some problems, fought a lot, and neither were truely happy. If she has to push you, you DO NOT want to marry her. Period.

 

As much as I thought about the time invested, how she wasn't a bad person, and all that BS...in the end, the best thing we did was end the relationship.

 

And now...I am engaged. To a wonderful woman that never ONCE pushed anything marriage wise. Hell, she has made damn sure I'm comfortable with it. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and knew I wanted to get married.

 

You shouldn't have to fight regularly. You shouldn't ever feel pressured to get married. Anyone who says otherwise is an idiot.

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smokin5s Rookie

smokin5s

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How many years? Ever seriously think about leaving? All relationships are up and down, if you "glue" has been strong enough to go through 5 years of dating, marriage may not be out of the question.

 

Warning: Thinking you can do better will leave you a lonely old man. Everyone thinks it from time to time.

 

One thing is for sure: Once marriage has been brought up, one of two things will happen:

-You will get Married

-She will leave you because she wants a husband.

 

No one here can tell you which of those is better for you.

+1

 

How long have you been together and how often do you fight? In Any Relationship, people will fight.

 

Actually, a better question would be, can you see your life without her? If you can, then you should bail... When you find the right girl, you will know that you want to spend your life with her and you won't be making stupid posts asking people if you should get engaged. :)

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Big Chief2011647545501 Newbie

Big Chief2011647545501

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I just got out of a 5 year relationship with my college "sweetheart" the first week I felt like shit thinking I couldnt live without her yadda yadda. Then I realized I've had more sex and fun in the past week then I had in the entire 5 years I was with this girl. You'll find someone else, If shes pressuring you into getting married and your reluctent than that means something.

 

 

On a side note get a prenup.

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Smokey Enthusiast

Smokey

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question for you. If she hadn't brought it up, would you have thought of asking her to marry you? By the post you wrote I would say no....and that should be your decision on the marriage as well.

 

I don't presume to know you or your relationship other than what you posted, but I have a couple of friends right now talking divorce. They're both very much still in love with their partners and don't really fight...they just grew apart and it isn't really working anymore. When I asked why they got married, the answer was "it seemed like the appropriate next step"...which is the vibe you're giving here.

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twistedfocus1647545489 Newbie

twistedfocus1647545489

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Statistically, 100% of divorces start with marriage. ;)

 

(coming from someone getting married in less than 4 months)

 

I think that deciding to get married should be something that you don't have any doubts about.

 

I was in a relationship for a couple of years that was similar to your situation, except we didn't even fight. We got along pretty well and were "good together", but there was no love and I don't think either of us was truly happy - just content. We had even talked about marriage and buying a house together. We were just going through the motions. I'm glad I wised up and ended it, for both our sakes. :gtfo:

 

With my fiancée, I just knew marriage is what I wanted. That doesn't always mean it will work, but I'm confident it will.

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SpaceGhost Enthusiast

SpaceGhost

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I think when the wife and I talked about being married, we agreed no divorce, one of us would be "the survivor", Wait, oh shit, I am not in the best physical condition right now! She can take me....http://www.columbusdiscgolf.com/images/Smilies/ohnoes.gif
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Putty Grand Master

Putty

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Prenup ftw. If shes still down, go for it.

 

 

nothing from nothing equals.....

 

 

Oh, yes, all woman do it....I have this very issue myself. Although, i am not discussing it.

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Science Abuse Newbie

Science Abuse

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Then I realized I've had more sex and fun in the past week then I had in the entire 5 years I was with this girl.

And eventually you realize that "fun" doesn't mean shit and doesn't make yo happy. Hopefully one realizes it before they reach an age in which it is impossible to find and secure the right woman.

 

Take some time to establish your needs vs your wants. Once that's done, put your needs first and you'll have a much better chance of being happy.

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Guest 78novaman

Guest 78novaman

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News flash: women don't change once they are married. If she is bugging you about it all the time now and you cave, she will just nag nag nag and always make sure she gets her way.

 

Another little bit of food for thought: If she doesn't make you happy now you will be miserable once you consider yourself "stuck" in the marriage.

 

 

My girl and I dated for 5 years. We're getting married in a week, and we have NOTHING to argue over. We've sat down several times in the last few months and cleared everything up so we both know exactly where we stand and what we expect out of the marriage. It's probably helped that we've lived together for 3 years already and know each other's personalities thoroughly.

 

 

You just need to take a step back and look at the big picture. Does she make you happy? Do her little quirks constantly get you upset? Does she see things your way and vise versa, and come to an understanding? Just a starting point as it gets rather complex at a startling rate.

 

 

p.s. that picture was my life 6-8 years ago, depressing as hell but really funny now

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