CRed05 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Does spanking teach boys to not break things? Does spanking teach boys to not go where they are not allowed? Does spanking teach boys to not do things they are not allowed / supposed to do? Yes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koolrayz Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I believe he resents your being there instead of his father and blames his mother for his father not being there. He then lashes out at his mother. Spanking or other disipline will probably not work because I doubt he consciously understands why he is mad. He has Daddy issues and they are brought to the surface when you are there. There is alot more to this story and I am sure you cant post or dont know. Get this poor kid some help so he can adress his issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinner Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Does spanking teach boys to not break things? Does spanking teach boys to not go where they are not allowed? Does spanking teach boys to not do things they are not allowed / supposed to do? KillJoy PS - How's the new TV? TVs fine they were never spanked after breaking either TV. I will never spank my boys out of anger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillJoy Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I will never spank my boys out of anger. So, you only spank them out of love or hate? KillJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RC K9 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Weird since you are not his dad but my parents were on the same page...It was established and understood from an early age for me and my brother's and sisters if you asked mom if you could do something and she said no, then you asked dad and he found out you asked mom first and she already said no, you got spanked. There was no division in my parents marriage and we kids learned that early on so there was no favortism when it came to us listening to one parent and not the other. Both were authoritative figures and we understodod that. Reasoning with a 3 year old is NOT going to work. He is 3! "It makes me sad..." means nothing to the kid. I watch this ish with my firend's kids and it's hilarious and frustrating because they spend all this time arguing with a child and it's not fair to the parent or the child. You tell the kid what you expect, he/she disobeys, he/she gets spanked, kid learns there are consequences to both good and bad behavior, and life goes on after 3 mintues instead of 30 minutes of arguing and everyone is happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRed05 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 http://www.southparkstudios.com/guide/1007/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 She has been spanking him. He still keeps on doing it. all she's doing by spanking him is telling him that physical punishment is okay too. bad move. hitting is never the best way to solve anything with dogs, kids, adults, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Reasoning with a 3 year old is NOT going to work. He is 3! "It makes me sad..." means nothing to the kid. I watch this ish with my firend's kids and it's hilarious and frustrating because they spend all this time arguing with a child and it's not fair to the parent or the child. You tell the kid what you expect, he/she disobeys, he/she gets spanked, kid learns there are consequences to both good and bad behavior, and life goes on after 3 mintues instead of 30 minutes of arguing and everyone is happy. You're right in that you can't reason with a 3 year old. However, you're dead wrong in that spanking is the way to go. It does zero to encourage good behavior, builds fear, reinforces that hitting is okay....it's not and does zero to to teach anyone about real-consequences. If expectations are not met, consequences follow, but this parent doesn't condone hitting. Never had to with either of my kids and while they aren't perfect, they are very intelligent at ages 4 & 7 when it comes to what consequences mean and why they need to listen to mom and dad. They also know much more intelligent ways to solve problems than hitting. Believe me, I studied martial arts for over half my life and the key it teaches isn't just being able to physically take out an opponent. Hitting your child leads to fear, lower self esteem and just teaches that as they grow that in order impose their will on someone, it's done through through intimidation and physical punishment. Never a good thing. Kids who are hit are shown to have much higher rates of aggression, suicide and self induced injuries than those that don't. Same thing goes for parents who constantly yell. They end up raising kids who constantly yell. Dogs get put down for growing up with that traits like I've mentioned above. You don't train a dog through punishment and you certainly don't raise good kids by doing it either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRed05 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 You're right in that you can't reason with a 3 year old. However, you're dead wrong in that spanking is the way to go. It does zero to encourage good behavior, builds fear, reinforces that hitting is okay....it's not and does zero to to teach anyone about real-consequences. If expectations are not met, consequences follow, but this parent doesn't condone hitting. Never had to with either of my kids and while they aren't perfect, they are very intelligent at ages 4 & 7 when it comes to what consequences mean and why they need to listen to mom and dad. They also know much more intelligent ways to solve problems than hitting. Believe me, I studied martial arts for over half my life and the key it teaches isn't just being able to physically take out an opponent. Were you spanked as a child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Jones Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Branding, it's not just for cattle anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Were you spanked as a child? yes...and while I love my parents, I don't condone being hit by my Old-world Italian father as something I would do to my kids. Nothing good ever came nor will come from his laying a hand on me. Nothing. my older brothers were hit too and I can tell pages upon pages of stories as to how they have had their lives impacted in a very negative way because of it. My son is a typical 7 year old too...but he's smart as a whip. intelligent is the word I use. He not only understands right and wrong, but understands consequences too. Most of all though, he respects his parents. Remember, respect is earned, not demanded. Unless you respect someone, you won't value what they say nor care about what they do. Hitting your child doesn't instill respect. It instills fear, anger and reinforces many different types of negatives that will no doubt manifest over time. Kids won't forget you hitting them either and will never respect you for doing it. Never....and that's an awfully long time. My son was three when a friend at school told him that his dad yells a lot and spanks him. Nicholas still remembers that kid. I do too. His dad was pretty cool....but at home, he obviously wasn't the best dad. I feel for that kid. Just think, at age 3, he's telling my son about being spanked and yelled at. Very sad. I'm pretty passionate about the subject as you can tell. To me, if I die in a car wreck today, I know for a fact my kids will always remember me as the best person they know and someone who never hit them and hardly ever raised his voice in anger. Contrast that with this other boys dad. He will never, ever be able to hear that said about himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiColin Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I disagree I was spanked and I know right from wrong. Im a very mellow person and I dont see myself getting aggressive and trying to use intimidation and physical punishment on others as you put in order to impose my will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I disagree I was spanked and I know right from wrong. Im a very mellow person and I dont see myself getting aggressive and trying to use intimidation and physical punishment on others as you put in order to impose my will. I'm sure you're a great person and as with anything, there are no absolutes as the mind is so vast. However, if you condone hitting a child, you'll never convince me that it's right. On a list of 100 things to do to help raise good kid, hitting them won't ever be on my list. It's completely unnecessary and brings way more baggage than it ever will at solving a problem. If you don't already have a kid...wait.....when you spank him for the first time, remember me and look him dead in the eye. Remember that day too, because that will be the day he/she won't ever forget and it will be the beginning of a change in their life. Same can be said for a dog. I can tell upon meeting someones dog if they've ever been hit. It changes them. Adults too. We're all a product of our past in some way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STEVE-O Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I agree there is a solid line between a spank for punishment and beating your child... Why do you think the army/ military etc still yell like hell at soldiers??? because they know it will get the point across and they damn sure will listen... What if we only talked to them nicely and told them if they did not do what they were told there would be punishment??? they would probably all laugh and walk away jsut like a child would do and show you no respect Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillJoy Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 What if we only talked to them nicely and told them if they did not do what they were told there would be punishment??? they would probably all laugh and walk away jsut like a child would do and show you no respect Care to meet my Daughter? My Neices? One of my best friend's 8 year old son? My Best Friend's 5 year old? None have been spanked, and they are ALL ERY well mannered. :thumbup: In the end, it comes doen to the Parent's ability to reason and handle the situation. KillJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I agree there is a solid line between a spank for punishment and beating your child... Why do you think the army/ military etc still yell like hell at soldiers??? because they know it will get the point across and they damn sure will listen... What if we only talked to them nicely and told them if they did not do what they were told there would be punishment??? they would probably all laugh and walk away jsut like a child would do and show you no respect Conditioning and training a military grunt who is a product of their past 18 years of life is a far cry from raising a child. I can elaborate on it for days, but won't. The military doesn't train recruits to respect, they train them to take and carry out orders without quesiton. Typically folks going into the military need discipline and training and have baggage (past 18 years of life as I noted above). If you have a mass of 18 year old kids with guns in battle, they need to be reactionary and conditioned to do a job or get themselves and others killed. I choose a different route. I manage my employees and raise my kids to respect and be thinkers. To be leaders. To lead you need to earn respect through means other than fear and conditioned responses. Some believe to train a dog to stop barking by conditioning them to respond to a shock collar....barking is wrong thus a shock. Mine are trained to know that they don't get what they want by not expressing certain behaviors. Barking doesn't get them anything, thus they know I'm pleased when they great guests by not jumping or barking. I have zero issues with our two boxers and that's not an easy feat. At 6 months our pup had the run of the house day and night. Zero issues. You'll never get that from a boxer if you challenge or hit or shock them....and if you do, you won't have the same personality boxer we have. Same holds true for kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRed05 Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 yes... Well I think you turned out OK The father at your son's school is obviously over doing the yelling and hitting. I believe in spanking, but only when it's necessary, when a kid is deliberately being disobedient. I respect my parents and grandparents, even though they spanked me. I was even spanked in school, something that was accepted in South Africa until I was in like 7th grade. A lot of the times the teacher would give you an option if you wanted to get hit, or if you wanted them to let your parents be notified. I always went with the first option, and so did everyone I know. We were never abused or beaten. I'll tell you that we never had any problems with kids shooting up schools or anything like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Putty Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 GET IT UNDER CONTROL NOW!!!!! We didn't with my step-daughter and now she is an absolute NIGHTMARE.... seriously, fix that behavior now before it's too late! I agree. Start with spanking his ass. None of that time out shit. He disrespects or does what you tell him not to...lay into his ass right then. A spanking is not abuse in my eyes. The shit works. I will never spank my boys out of anger. You don't spank because you're pissed off at em. You spank as a retort to an action that they aren't suppose to do. You don't have to be upset or mad at the time. You're doing it to let them know if they do such things there will be results...other than sitting in a corner laughing holding a toy or time out. There's no time out when you're away from home and you find yourself embarrassed like crazy cause your kid is unruly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Well I think you turned out OK as do many. the human body and brain is very resillient to healing itself, but just because I'm okay doens't mean I'm the same person as I would have been if I wasn't spanked. the point I'm making is that the OP said the child has been spanked, not beaten of course, but spanked and while others are condoning it, I'm clearly showing that it's not helping. the child here has a conditioned response that mom spanks him, but doing so doesn't teach him anything. quite simply, it's not working and never will, thus don't do it. I can run my car on 89 octane too. The ECU will adjust and the car will run, but not perfectly. Over time it will likely cause damage too. Same thing in this case if the mother continues to spank the child and the child is never brought to realize how to act. Their kids guys....you don't hit kids. Period. Kids aren't mentally developed and mature to understand hitting. Think about it...anyone over 30 has looked back and at some point reflect on something they did as a kid that they can't believe they did and survived. Why? Because as a kid you can't process the consequences or actions like you can when you're an adult. There's no way in hell a 3-5yr old will ever understand why you're hitting them. Not to the level that you and I do. By the time they do, they've lived 10-15 years with the lack of comprehension in their brain about why they were hit. I agree. Start with spanking his ass. None of that time out shit. He disrespects or does what you tell him not to...lay into his ass right then. A spanking is not abuse in my eyes. The shit works. The shit works?.......it's a band aid that will only lead to more problems. I can't hit my dog if she starts to bark while I'm on the phone all week long. $5 says she still barks when I'm on the phone next week. Hell, look at the OP and the kid here. It's manifesting itself to the point where it's being posted on CR. No different. Hell, keep spanking him....I have another $5 that he won't get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clifford Automotive Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I wanted to know more about your relationship, because your asking for advice. I want to know things like: How long you've been together? Is the father in the childs life? How often are you in the childs life? Are you part of disciplinary actions with the child? As a "friend" to the child, do you back her up when she is trying to discipline? What are you interactions with the child? I could keep going...but some people have hit it already. In any relationship with children I strongly believe, you should be there friend before being there father. Because then you have established trust with the child. Don't be there father if you don't plan on being around for awhile. Attention is a big factor in this. A single mother and child will interact perfectly when they are alone. And as she has told you, he is fine when they are alone. When you are there, you have taken that attention from him that he is used to getting. He will get it from her however he can. Good or Bad. When you are together, you and her need to have interaction with the child together as a main focus. When the child is occupied or asleep is when you have your personal time with her. I dont want to go on a tangent because I as other here no nothing about the childs situation or your relationship with her... When you read my original post and wondered "whats that matter", its everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTQ B4U Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 Here's another example.....no font plate ticket...costs what.... $110? Big deal. What if after 3 of them you lost your license for 3 months...zero tolerance. Change your mind about mounting it yet? How about if you lost your license and it jeopardized your job thus your ability to pay the bills you have? hmm...changes your mind a bit more I bet. All you're getting today is a hand-slap. Doesn't change your mind. However, if the law impacted your way of thinking long term it would change your mind. See as adults we can realize that shit. As a kid, a 16yr old...they have no clue that something like shoplifting will be on their record to impact their college acceptance or even being hired for a job down the road. They aren't thinking with an adult brain yet. Hit them all you you want spankings and punishments....but if you don't help them see the "right way to act" you won't help the situation regardless of what "negatives" you throw at the someone. Spanking a child has no impact on helping them see what the right thing to do is. It only exposes them to the conditioning that the wrong thing results in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crossle Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I was not spanked at all, or hit out of anger. I was sent to my room...I did not have a TV in my room until I was like 17, nor did I have a Gameboy or anything. I hated being in my room, so for me it sucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiColin Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 dude stop you already said once that no ones going to convince you it works, blah blah top 100 list not on there well your not going to convince those who thinks it works that it doesnt. take your own advice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KillJoy Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 dude stop you already said once that no ones going to convince you it works, blah blah top 100 list not on there well your not going to convince those who thinks it works that it doesnt. take your own advice Do you have kids? KillJoy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.cos Posted March 3, 2010 Report Share Posted March 3, 2010 I believe he resents your being there instead of his father and blames his mother for his father not being there. He then lashes out at his mother. Spanking or other disipline will probably not work because I doubt he consciously understands why he is mad. He has Daddy issues and they are brought to the surface when you are there. There is alot more to this story and I am sure you cant post or dont know. Get this poor kid some help so he can adress his issues. this sounds more along the lines of whats happening but maybe not in an anger issue way. I almost wonder if he is mimicking you in some way, or trying to please you in some way. How exactly is he "mean" to her her. Does he bite her? Does he say he doesnt love her?What exactly constitutes mean from a 3 year old. Oh and answers to all of Copperheads Questions as well... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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