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The "Im still talking about D. Wiggs 4 years later" thread


D.Wiggs

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That's very kind of you to say, but in my case, the compliment is undeserved. Truth be told, I suspect I know less about cars than D. Wiggs does.

 

However, I know that I'm ignorant in many areas and I'm blessed to have knowledgeable friends who are generous with their time in helping me with my cars and are patient enough to teach me enough to (generally) keep me out of serious trouble with them.

 

Despite his vastly superior resources compared to mine, and despite his greater knowledge in many areas, I suspect he either doesn't have the quality of friends I have or else is so full of hubris that he doesn't heed their advice.

 

I've never met the man, but it would be hard to imagine that he has as much fun with his lavish toys as I have with mine which are so paltry by comparison.

 

*golf clap*

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That's very kind of you to say, but in my case, the compliment is undeserved. Truth be told, I suspect I know less about cars than D. Wiggs does.

 

However, I know that I'm ignorant in many areas and I'm blessed to have knowledgeable friends who are generous with their time in helping me with my cars and are patient enough to teach me enough to (generally) keep me out of serious trouble with them.

 

Despite his vastly superior resources compared to mine, and despite his greater knowledge in many areas, I suspect he either doesn't have the quality of friends I have or else is so full of hubris that he doesn't heed their advice.

 

I've never met the man, but it would be hard to imagine that he has as much fun with his lavish toys as I have with mine which are so paltry by comparison.

 

 

This is how you define happiness.

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Well... When I was 13 years old I began to get really, really curious about sex and all things similar. People say that when boys approach that age they begin to get very horny.

I was the exact same way as most boys, except I was willing to go a little bit further than just masturbating. It started out as masturbating, then when that started to get boring I'd start to masturbate in front of them without trying to get caught. You know, in the car under a blanket, in my room with the door open, etc.

One time I even masturbated at my Grandma's family birthday party while I was sitting right next to my mom.

But anyways, that's just some backround on how daring I would get.

By the time I was 14 I had even started to get bored with some of the riskier stuff and I was desperately wanting to lose my virginity so I decided I'd go get a prostitute.

It was the middle of summer and I lived in somewhat of a run down neighborhood. I was still middle class but many of my neighbors were definitely poor. It wasn't that hard to find a streetwalker, I'd seen them all the time and knew where their general spot was where they liked to hang out.

I snuck out of my window and began to make my way down the street to a certain street corner where prostitutes liked to hang out. When I got there, there were two prostitutes walking around. I walked up to them and they gave me some strange looks.

"How much for one of you?" I asked the younger looking one. She didn't take me seriously and kept telling me to "Go home, kid."

I persisted for about 5 minutes and eventually she realized I wasn't kidding, I really wanted to buy her. She told me her price, I gave her some money (It was just recently my birthday, so I had some birthday money saved up as well as some from doing chores) and I told her to follow me.

I walked back up the street to my house and we snuck in through the same window I had exited out of.

Soon, I was on my bed losing my virginity to a prostitute. I had totally forgotten that my parents were home and just sleeping, so I didn't even think about the noise that was being made.

Right before I finished I heard my mom or dad get up and turn on some lights. I began to panic.

The thing I remember most is the prostitute kind of cared. I would have expected her to not care, she'd been paid. But she kept asking if I should hide in a closet or something since she didn't want me to get caught.

I heard one of my parents coming down the stairs so I told her to get in the closet as she had suggested. Just as the closet door shut my dad walked into the room.

"Thehealeroftri, were you masturbating?"

My parents were religious, so this would have been a big deal for them. I played dumb, and acted like I didn't know what masturbation was. My dad sat down and awkwardly told me what it was all while the prostitute I had hired was still in the closet. This is by far the most awkward moment of my entire life.

My dad told me goodnight and started to walk out of my room. The prostitute apparently thought it was a good idea to leave my closet at this time.

She opened the door and walked out of the closet, not knowing my dad was still in the room apparently. My dad heard this, turned around and saw her then started screaming at me and her.

"What the fuck is this tramp doing in my house? What the hell are you doing Thehealeroftri?"

I felt awful, I still do, not because I got caught but because the poor prostitute was near tears. My dad was a really religious man, and this was the first time I'd ever heard him swear so much. The whole thing was just unreal. He exited the room screaming while my mom was asking what was going on.

"I'm calling the fucking cops, right now, you stay right here, whore!"

I kept telling the prostitute to exit through my window and run away but she said she wanted to take the fall so I wouldn't get in trouble. I was shocked, why would someone, especially a prostitute, do this?

The prostitute started talking to me, "My older brother did almost this exact same thing when he was your age, he got in so much trouble and I think that it mostly could have been avoided if his hooker had just stayed and taken some of the fall."

"I don't care, you're not even supposed to be here, I paid you, you can go." I kept saying as she stood there waiting.

By this time my dad was waiting in the hallway and said some officers were on the way.

The prostitute kept trying to give me a life lesson, "Let me tell you, don't get caught up with hiring prostitutes all the time, can you do that for me? Make this your only time, can you do that?"

"Yes, I can do that." It was really awkward, because I really just wanted her to go. I didn't even know her and she was making the moment a lot more emotional than it needed to be.

"Before I get arrested and try to take the blame, I need you to promise to never hire another prostitute again."

"Ok", I replied. "I can do that."

She walked towards the door after we heard a cop car pull up into the driveway. She said, "Before I go, I need something else from you."

"What do you need?"

"I need about tree fiddy."

It was around this time I realized the prostitute was 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the paleolithic era. That goddamned Loch Ness Monster had gotten me again!

"GODDAMNIT LOCH NESS MONSTAH, I ain't givin' you no tree fiddy!"

And that's my story. My parents never did look at me the same after that and were always cautious about me whenever I was alone in my room. I'm pretty sure they still don't trust me.

We never did mention it again though, and I never did tell them what the prostitute was doing while waiting for the cops.

tl;dr: Hired a prositute at 14, I get caught and it gets really awkward

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Well... When I was 13 years old I began to get really, really curious about sex and all things similar. People say that when boys approach that age they begin to get very horny.

I was the exact same way as most boys, except I was willing to go a little bit further than just masturbating. It started out as masturbating, then when that started to get boring I'd start to masturbate in front of them without trying to get caught. You know, in the car under a blanket, in my room with the door open, etc.

One time I even masturbated at my Grandma's family birthday party while I was sitting right next to my mom.

But anyways, that's just some backround on how daring I would get.

By the time I was 14 I had even started to get bored with some of the riskier stuff and I was desperately wanting to lose my virginity so I decided I'd go get a prostitute.

It was the middle of summer and I lived in somewhat of a run down neighborhood. I was still middle class but many of my neighbors were definitely poor. It wasn't that hard to find a streetwalker, I'd seen them all the time and knew where their general spot was where they liked to hang out.

I snuck out of my window and began to make my way down the street to a certain street corner where prostitutes liked to hang out. When I got there, there were two prostitutes walking around. I walked up to them and they gave me some strange looks.

"How much for one of you?" I asked the younger looking one. She didn't take me seriously and kept telling me to "Go home, kid."

I persisted for about 5 minutes and eventually she realized I wasn't kidding, I really wanted to buy her. She told me her price, I gave her some money (It was just recently my birthday, so I had some birthday money saved up as well as some from doing chores) and I told her to follow me.

I walked back up the street to my house and we snuck in through the same window I had exited out of.

Soon, I was on my bed losing my virginity to a prostitute. I had totally forgotten that my parents were home and just sleeping, so I didn't even think about the noise that was being made.

Right before I finished I heard my mom or dad get up and turn on some lights. I began to panic.

The thing I remember most is the prostitute kind of cared. I would have expected her to not care, she'd been paid. But she kept asking if I should hide in a closet or something since she didn't want me to get caught.

I heard one of my parents coming down the stairs so I told her to get in the closet as she had suggested. Just as the closet door shut my dad walked into the room.

"Thehealeroftri, were you masturbating?"

My parents were religious, so this would have been a big deal for them. I played dumb, and acted like I didn't know what masturbation was. My dad sat down and awkwardly told me what it was all while the prostitute I had hired was still in the closet. This is by far the most awkward moment of my entire life.

My dad told me goodnight and started to walk out of my room. The prostitute apparently thought it was a good idea to leave my closet at this time.

She opened the door and walked out of the closet, not knowing my dad was still in the room apparently. My dad heard this, turned around and saw her then started screaming at me and her.

"What the fuck is this tramp doing in my house? What the hell are you doing Thehealeroftri?"

I felt awful, I still do, not because I got caught but because the poor prostitute was near tears. My dad was a really religious man, and this was the first time I'd ever heard him swear so much. The whole thing was just unreal. He exited the room screaming while my mom was asking what was going on.

"I'm calling the fucking cops, right now, you stay right here, whore!"

I kept telling the prostitute to exit through my window and run away but she said she wanted to take the fall so I wouldn't get in trouble. I was shocked, why would someone, especially a prostitute, do this?

The prostitute started talking to me, "My older brother did almost this exact same thing when he was your age, he got in so much trouble and I think that it mostly could have been avoided if his hooker had just stayed and taken some of the fall."

"I don't care, you're not even supposed to be here, I paid you, you can go." I kept saying as she stood there waiting.

By this time my dad was waiting in the hallway and said some officers were on the way.

The prostitute kept trying to give me a life lesson, "Let me tell you, don't get caught up with hiring prostitutes all the time, can you do that for me? Make this your only time, can you do that?"

"Yes, I can do that." It was really awkward, because I really just wanted her to go. I didn't even know her and she was making the moment a lot more emotional than it needed to be.

"Before I get arrested and try to take the blame, I need you to promise to never hire another prostitute again."

"Ok", I replied. "I can do that."

She walked towards the door after we heard a cop car pull up into the driveway. She said, "Before I go, I need something else from you."

"What do you need?"

"I need about tree fiddy."

It was around this time I realized the prostitute was 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the paleolithic era. That goddamned Loch Ness Monster had gotten me again!

"GODDAMNIT LOCH NESS MONSTAH, I ain't givin' you no tree fiddy!"

And that's my story. My parents never did look at me the same after that and were always cautious about me whenever I was alone in my room. I'm pretty sure they still don't trust me.

We never did mention it again though, and I never did tell them what the prostitute was doing while waiting for the cops.

tl;dr: Hired a prositute at 14, I get caught and it gets really awkward

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