Things your kids say...

[RC K9]

Do any of you keep diaries or notes of the crazy, hilarious things that fly out of your kid's mouths?

[wagner]

Taught my nephew how to say "suck it" and do the DX crotch chop. My sister loved that

[iwashmycar]

My wife puts them all on Facebook....so I guess they are there somewhere lol

 

example:

 

Parenting #1101:

 

Spawn: Here, mommy. *places 3 nickels on my collarbone* These can be your boobies since you don’t really have any.

 

Parenting #1027:

 

Spawn: Mommy, what are you going to be for Halloween? Do you want to be a bucket head? *proceeds to put popcorn bowl on my head*

 

Me: No, no thank you. *takes it off* What about you? Do you want to be a bucket head?

 

Spawn: Nooo! I’m going to be an Ariel mermaid!...You can be Ariel’s mom!

 

Me: I don’t have a mermaid costume...

 

Spawn:...Then you can be Ariel’s dad instead.

 

Parenting #928:

 

Spawn: Hi Mommy look what I got at school today! *thrusts a tiny finger foam hand at me*

 

Me: oh that’s nice! *Puts it on to finger... immediately regrets decision*

 

Me: Hadley, why is it wet on the inside?

 

Spawn: I don’t know, but I totally didn’t spit in it.

 

Parenting #922:

 

*Walking outside to go to a friend’s birthday party*

Spawn: mommy, where’s daddy?

Me: Daddy’s at the football game with Mr. Greg.

Spawn: but why is daddy there, did he take his truck?

Me: no they walked to....

Spawn: *interjecting* SQUIRREL *points to one on the fence*

 

Lost all train of thought on that convo. I know I usually say that toddlers and children have the attention span of a squirrel but this is ridiculous.

 

Parenting #917

 

Spawn: Do you wanna know a joke?

Me: Um, yes? I guess?

Spawn: *proceeds to tell joke* What is between apples and a watermelon?

Me: :|

Spawn:

Me: :|

Spawn: peanut butter! *proceeds to cackle at her own perceived, astonishing wit*

Me: o_0

Spawn: Isn’t that the best joke ever?

 

Well. I guess we know whose sense of humor she got, and it isn’t mine. LOL

[RC K9]

My wife puts them all on Facebook....so I guess they are there somewhere lol

 

example:

 

lulz. Kid's are freaking hilarious.

[Green Bastard]

My 17 month old daughter got a hold of a mason jar about a month ago. I thought I heard glass break (it was just the lids) so I took the jar from her real quick thinking she may have broken it. She got mad, looked straight at me and called me an asshole. At least she got the context right.

[RC K9]

I'm not proud of the things my kid's ask or say, but it's hard to not laugh sometime. The other day my 6yr old son has this short convo with my wife over dinner:

 

Child: "Hey mom, do women have grundles?"

Mom: *shocked look and trying not to laugh*, "You can ask your wife that when you get married."

Child: "I'll ask her on the way home from the wedding."

[2 Sweet]

Taught my nephew how to say "suck it" and do the DX crotch chop. My sister loved that

 

[Mallard]

I put it on Facebook and was using a unique hashtag for a while (so I could search for them), but then my wife yelled at me because the hashtags are publically searchable lol.

 

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[Lauren]

Two recent ones from my 4 year old

 

At Sunday school talking about trusting Jesus and not being scared

 

My kid: oh im not,scared I'm daddies badass

 

Wife and kid talking

Wife: cuddling with our great dane, oh i love you I'm going,to marry you

Kid: you can't marry him he doesnt have hands or feet

Mommy: its ok I love him so much

Kid: mom you are married to this guy, points at me in a picture. You are not marrying our dog

[RC K9]

Two recent ones from my 4 year old

 

At Sunday school talking about trusting Jesus and not being scared

 

My kid: oh im not,scared I'm daddies badass

 

Wife and kid talking

Wife: cuddling with our great dane, oh i love you I'm going,to marry you

Kid: you can't marry him he doesnt have hands or feet

Mommy: its ok I love him so much

Kid: mom you are married to this guy, points at me in a picture. You are not marrying our dog

 

Ha ha. She's got your back!

[iwashmycar]

Might as well add some more. I guess fall-2017 was a lot about poo lol

 

 

Parenting a toddler #1230:

 

Spawn: Mommy, I want a snack!

Me: *checks time and hears Adam cooking dinner* No, baby. We’re going to be eating dinner soon.

Spawn: *contemplates for a minute* Okay then, can I have a dinner snack?

 

Parenting a toddler #124:

 

Today, I discovered the spawn snorts when she laughs hard enough.

 

Wonder where (or who) she got that from? 🙄

 

Also, apparently being a “stinky diaper” is the highest form of an insult that can be received in pre-school.

 

Parenting a Toddler #1123:

 

Realization: having a toddler relay a message to someone is exactly like playing telephone with 30 people.

 

Parenting a toddler #1021:

 

Spawn: I have too many toys in my bed, just too many. *starts moving toys off the bed*

 

Me: Yes, you do! That's a great idea; why don't you put some of your toys away?

 

Spawn: Ummmm... no. *giggles and throws toys everywhere*

 

:shrug: Well, I tried.

 

Parenting a Toddler #1014:

 

Spawn is currently throwing a full on temper tantrum, complete with sobbing tears, because I closed the baby gate on the stairs behind me so she couldn't follow me upstairs to watch me go to the bathroom.

 

Spawn: But mommy I wanna see your pooop, I WANNNAAA.

 

-_- Toddlers are disgusting.

 

Parenting a toddler #927:

 

Spawn: Mommy I wanna come cuddle in your lap.

Me: Okay baby. Come on up.

 

Spawn proceeds to elbow every rib, boob, and sensitive area on my body until she finally plops down.

 

Spawn: This is nice mommy.

 

*warm good feelings*

 

Spawn: Ah-choo! *sneezes and farts a wet, noxious smelling fart at the same time*

 

-_-

*good feeling's gone*

 

Parenting a Toddler #908:

 

Spawn: Mommy! I'm gonna go upstairs and go potty, okay?

Me: Okay have fun.

 

5 minutes later...

 

Spawn *yelling from upstairs* Mommy!!....MOMMY!!

Me: What?

Spawn: COME LOOK AT MY BIG POOP!

Me: I'm not coming up to look...

Interrupting Spawn: BUT MOMMY ITS SO BIG COME LOOK AT IT!

 

:|

[RC K9]

Might as well add some more. I guess fall-2017 was a lot about poo lol

 

Bahahahaha.

 

Yeah, my kids are on a poop/butthole kick right now.

[Benner]

Me getting my girls ready to leave and getting them dressed.

 

Me: "Peyton, have you seen your sisters pants?"

 

Her: "I don't see them" proceeds to sniff the air. "But i smell em".

 

My wife and i were rolling at her seriousness.

[Mallard]

From last night:

 

4 y/o: Dad, you're like the boss of all of us.

Me: Yea! You're right, I am!

7 y/o: NOOO! Mom's everyone's boss!

Mom: Mom and dad are both the boss. We're like co-bosses.

7 y/o: NOOO! Mom's really the boss of everyone.

 

 

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[Otis Nice]

Huck, our 4 y.o. after watching me set up a new table lamp: "Hmmm...I wonder how that lamp works."

 

Me: "Well, buddy, I just put the bulb in and this little knob works just like the light switch on the wall except you twist it."

 

He turns the lamp on and off a few times.

 

Huck: "Hmmm...I wonder how it WORKS though."

 

I thought I'd blow his mind so I explained the entire inner workings of a lamp/light fixture, showed him the cord and explained how there were 2 wires inside that went to the prongs and that when we plug it in to the power strip it creates a circuit and that the switch opens and closes the circuit.

 

Huck: "OH! ...but I wonder how the electricity gets here."

 

I used a reference from one of his favorite movies, "Big Robok" (Iron Giant), where the robot was getting shocked while eating the power plant. I explained how the power plant works, substations, the power lines taking the electricity to houses and businesses, etc. I mean, the works. I used another few references from the time he got to come visit me on a site when I was a commercial electrician.

 

Huck, seemingly impressed: "OH WOW!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....but I wonder if there are electrons in it."

[Dharris89]

I remember being in the car when my son was young and telling him to stop licking the bottom of his show. At that point I knew my immune system was going to get a workout for the next 18 years.

[Turbs3000]

Huck, our 4 y.o. after watching me set up a new table lamp: "Hmmm...I wonder how that lamp works."

 

Me: "Well, buddy, I just put the bulb in and this little knob works just like the light switch on the wall except you twist it."

 

He turns the lamp on and off a few times.

 

Huck: "Hmmm...I wonder how it WORKS though."

 

I thought I'd blow his mind so I explained the entire inner workings of a lamp/light fixture, showed him the cord and explained how there were 2 wires inside that went to the prongs and that when we plug it in to the power strip it creates a circuit and that the switch opens and closes the circuit.

 

Huck: "OH! ...but I wonder how the electricity gets here."

 

I used a reference from one of his favorite movies, "Big Robok" (Iron Giant), where the robot was getting shocked while eating the power plant. I explained how the power plant works, substations, the power lines taking the electricity to houses and businesses, etc. I mean, the works. I used another few references from the time he got to come visit me on a site when I was a commercial electrician.

 

Huck, seemingly impressed: "OH WOW!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

....but I wonder if there are electrons in it."

In case you have access to Netflix see what he thinks of a show called 'story bots'. They do cartoon full process explanations about how things such as electricity, the ear, sound, rain, work.

 

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[Cordell]

My daughter has grown into a 17 year old smart ass, the way she hates on people cracks me up.

 

Daughter: I hate that teacher, she’s a hoe!

 

Me: you mean she’s a pain in the ass?

 

Daughter: no, a hoe, crazy lady just got divorced and is talking about some guy

 

Me: oh okay then

 

Daughter: she’s a pain in the ass too

 

Wife butts in: I hate that teacher

[Otis Nice]

In case you have access to Netflix see what he thinks of a show called 'story bots'. They do cartoon full process explanations about how things such as electricity, the ear, sound, rain, work.

 

Sent from my SM-G928V using Tapatalk

 

Yup. He's been full into that as well as the YouTube channel, "Okie Dokie Odie," for awhile now. He just walks around telling folks how things work. lol

[RCode04]

My son was around 5 and his birthday was coming up. This was during the Toy Story era. He proceeds to tell us that all he wants for his birthday is a Woody and a Buzz. Right there with you big guy!

[iwashmycar]

LOL!

[RC K9]

My son was around 5 and his birthday was coming up. This was during the Toy Story era. He proceeds to tell us that all he wants for his birthday is a Woody and a Buzz. Right there with you big guy!

 

:lolguy:

[Geeto67]

My 6 year old came home from school last week with the man from Nantucket limerick the other day. My wife hit the ceiling, even though I am pretty sure my daughter has no idea what any of it means.

 

to prevent her from repeating it again in the house I taught her this one instead:

 

There once was a girl from Antietam

Who loved horse turds so much she would eat them

she sat on their rumps

and ate up the clumps

just as fast as the horse could excrete them

 

On the downside, she's probably said it like 20 times this week, on the upside her vocabulary now includes the word excrete. 1st graders, am I right?

[RC K9]

My 6 year old came home from school last week with the man from Nantucket limerick the other day. My wife hit the ceiling, even though I am pretty sure my daughter has no idea what any of it means.

 

to prevent her from repeating it again in the house I taught her this one instead:

 

There once was a girl from Antietam

Who loved horse turds so much she would eat them

she sat on their rumps

and ate up the clumps

just as fast as the horse could excrete them

 

On the downside, she's probably said it like 20 times this week, on the upside her vocabulary now includes the word excrete. 1st graders, am I right?

 

ha ha ha

[DKilbourne]

My daughter has grown into a 17 year old smart ass, the way she hates on people cracks me up.

 

Daughter: I hate that teacher, she’s a hoe!

 

Me: you mean she’s a pain in the ass?

 

Daughter: no, a hoe, crazy lady just got divorced and is talking about some guy

 

Me: oh okay then

 

Daughter: she’s a pain in the ass too

 

Wife butts in: I hate that teacher

 

Pics of said teacher