Vasectomy fun

[Scruit]

This is a story from about 18 months ago. Posting it now as a response to the vasectomy story in the funny pics thread - but I didn't want to jack the pics thread. I'll link to here from there.

April 2010:

So I'm past the point where I want to subject the world to any more little clones of me - decided to get a vasectomy.

Did the research and had a pretty good idea of what to expect when I went in there. Still, the anxiety was pretty high and the 5mg valium they gave me 1hr before the procedure didn't seem to help.

Got to the urologist's office and was taken to the room. Dropped my pants and skivvies and was told to lie back. The urologist started on the left side. The local anesthetic into the scrotum was unpleasant but no worse than pinching the skin hard. After a few seconds the incision was made without any pain. They he said he had to withdraw the vas deferens and that I might feel a pulling sensation.

ALMIGHTY FUCK!!

He got the vas pulled out and jabbed an local anesthetic into it - pain went away - total time of pain about 5-10 seconds. In my typical British way I apparently said; "I'm not really enjoying this bit, just so you know." ("We'd think you were weird if you did")

He clamped and cut the vas, cauterized the ends which smelled pretty bad (If you 've even had a ladybug die inside one of those tall bowl-shaped halogen lights - the smell is EXACTLY the same). I didn't even feel the suture going in. He was done.

On to the right side. "Wow, your vas is really deep here."

After 5 minutes of manipulation through the scrotum he finally got the vas to a place he could make and incision and reach it. Local anesthetic again, ouch, whatever. The incision was longer but numbed up totally.

"This time the vas is gonna hurt more as I take it out."

ALMIGHTY FUCKITY FUCK!!

He had to struggle for at least 30 seconds to get the vas withdrawn to a point he could get the local anesthetic in. "You may feel a stick and burn." "I don't care, get that anesthetic in there NOW!" Felt like the vas was connected to my diaphragm and he was pulling all intestines out through my mansack.

The nurse said; "Wow, I've never seen one as thick as that, and I've been doing this 8 years." Doc said; "Not the thickest I've ever seen, but right up there in the top 1%." I managed a wry comment; "Thank you, I'm proud of it. Oh wait, you're talking about the vas deferens?"

The rest of the procedure was uneventful except that the doc and nurse kept going over how thick the vas was, and how much bleeding was happening as a result of cutting so much tissue. I asked to see but the doc wouldn't let me (turns out many men pass out at the sight).

The vas was so big that the incision required to pull it through the scrotum took 5 sutures to close.

Funnily enough, after the procedure the nurse had to remove the blue sterile paper the surrounded the area they were working on. It was sticky on one edge like a post-it note. I figures it was as sticky as a post-it note. The nurse said removing the paper would hurt. I said; "After the pain of withdrawing the right vas, I say BRING IT ON, how bad can it b..FUCK!!" Damn, that was like duct tape. Gave me a fucking Brazillian right there. She had 4 sheets to remove and I was alternating between shrieking like a little girl and laughing what-was-left-of-my balls off.

Prophetically, the doc and nurse both said "You cna expect your right side to be a difficult recovery"

This was a friday morning. I went home after that and got started on the percocet. The paid was definitely post-icision pain. Got sat onthe sofa with a stack of DVDs to watch and figured I'd be back to work monday.

Sunday morning I got up and hed trouble peeing, had to really force it out. This caused massive pain in my scrotum and I got very dizzy and I thought I had better s...

I became aware that I was now on the floor of the bathroom.

As I fell I didn't hit my head on anything, but I fell against the wall in a sitting position so the loss of blood to my head (which caused me to pass out) was not resolved in it's normal way (lying down with prejudice) so I was still extremely dizzy. I managed to crawl to the bathroom door and yell for my wife. The next parts of this story are a collection of disjointed memories...

Now I'm face down in the hallway, Amy is talking to me. I said "Something is seriously wrong. Please call 911"...

Now I can hear my wife on the phone in the other room; "I don't know what's wrong..."

Now I'm hearing sirens... Seemed like only seconds had passed. Was 10 minutes.

Now some guy I don't know is shouting my name... I'm able to give my name.

Now some lady is asking how many percocet I took and if I took too many. "The bottle says 1-2 every 4-6 hours. I took two every 4 hours I was awake. I didn't finish the bottle because the pain went away."...

Now I'm being pull up to a sitting position; "His blood pressure was 150 over 110 lying down." I respond with; "My blood pressure is normally 125 over 85 at rest." As they get me sitting up I get really dizzy again; "His blood pressure is dropping..."

Now I'm REALLY dizzy like motion sickness. I'm in a chair being carried down the stairs.

Things are becoming less disjointed, and I'm remembering things in a more linear way.

I am taken to the hospital by ambulance and hooked up to all manner of machines. They take blood, urine etc. I get an ultrasound of my scrotum.

After about 6 hours I'm discharged. They tell me the 'bearing down' to pee and the sudden extreme pain triggered a vasovagal syncope. No clue why it took me two hours to come around fully, although my wife said she heard a thud (me falling) and it took at least two minutes for he to hear me calling her - so I was passed out sitting upright with low blood pressure for two that time, so I suspect that's the cause of the longer recovery time.

So they booted me from the hospital and told me 3 more days of bed rest.

Now as we're on day 5 since the vasectomy the pain is getting worse and worse. There's a obvoius swelling which is either a hematoma or something like that. It's painful to breath and walking is pretty bad. I'm headed back to the urologist now for an emergency appointment to figure out why the pain is getting worse, not better.

So, who else wants a vasectomy?

[Josh1234]

Holy shit, dude. I thought they were a LOT simpler... Outpatient, and a couple days of being careful going up/down stairs was what I heard

I guess "your mileage may vary?!"

[Pokey]

Did mine on a Friday morning......had a nice shot of valium.......my shaved scrotum was quite nice.......no pain whatsoever.........went through a few bags of frozen peas all weekend.....went back to work on Monday. Jerked off on Tuesday just to make sure things still worked.

[Scruit]

It was about 5 days before I dare test things out. The joke I had with my wife was that nothing would stop me wanting sex apart from death or horrible testicular injury. Well, 'horrible testicular injury' is no longer on that list.

[Howabusa]

Had mine done years ago, a little pain & some bruising. Sounds like you really had a bad experience. As bad as it has been it is well worth it. Not having to worry about fathering another child is PRICELESS!

[jporter12]

My wife has had a c-section for all 4 kids. On the last one, they snipped her while they were in there. I dodged that bullet!

[chevysoldier]

Yeah, in the future, not so sure I wanna go this route anymore...Damn...just damn...

[Gixxus Christ!]

I blame socialized medicine and shoddy British workmanship. See also: Lucas electronics.

[Scruit]

I blame socialized medicine and shoddy British workmanship. See also: Lucas electronics.

Does that look like a British ambulance in the pic?

[SWing'R]

Jerked off on Tuesday just to make sure things still worked.

:wackit:

[Helmutt]

Got mine done, wasn't bad at all.........in the beginning:D

After a few weeks some friends and I went dirtbikin' in southern Ohio -- wore a jock thinking that would suffice -- BIG MISTAKE

You don't want to be rolling them around on a bike seat when you're "stapled" instead of cotterized or stitched.........the swelling came back and more pain than was initially dealt with.

Edited December 2, 2011 by Hellmutt

[conn-e-rot]

My wife asked me if I was going to get snipped after our son was born I said sure if your going to let me cut your tits off. She got snipped and tied instead.

[imagineer]

I got fixed about 11 years ago. No complications, minimal pain. The most remembered discomfort was from the nut hair growing back. The technique used was called the "non-scalpel" method where they don't actually cut the skin open with a blade, but [those of you that might be a bit frail should hold on to something] poke a hole through the scrotum using the sharpened end of a set of surgical needle nose pliers. Of course I'd been given a happy pill and shot of local anesthetic, but I honestly felt nothing. Even when the doctor opened up the pliers to expand the hole (taking advantage of the stretchy nature of nut sack skin), I barely felt a thing. The cutting, tying and cauterizing of the vas deferens also went unnoticed. The only hint that i was getting worked on what the mild sting from the superglue used to seal the openings.

I got to sit on the couch with an ice pack for the rest of the day and the next day woke up feeling like I'd taken a solid kick to the cubes, and two Tylenol cured that.

The real fun started a week later...Per the doctor's instructions, I had to "run the pipes" at least once a day, then bring a sample back in a week to look for live swimmers. Because my wife was in the room with the doctor, nurse and me during the vasectomy, he told her she should "assist" in the "exercising of my plumbing so as to limit the potential physical trauma possible from "manual manipulation".

Best week ever!

Edited December 2, 2011 by imagineer

[gen3flygirl]

I <3 you guys

[snot]

I watched them snip hellmutt it was really neat to watch...I asked many questions so he got double stapled...I don't want any oops.

[Pokey]

I got fixed about 11 years ago. No complications, minimal pain. The most remembered discomfort was from the nut hair growing back. The technique used was called the "non-scalpel" method where they don't actually cut the skin open with a blade, but [those of you that might be a bit frail should hold on to something] poke a hole through the scrotum using the sharpened end of a set of surgical needle nose pliers. Of course I'd been given a happy pill and shot of local anesthetic, but I honestly felt nothing. Even when the doctor opened up the pliers to expand the hole (taking advantage of the stretchy nature of nut sack skin), I barely felt a thing. The cutting, tying and cauterizing of the vas deferens also went unnoticed. The only hint that i was getting worked on what the mild sting from the superglue used to seal the openings.

I got to sit on the couch with an ice pack for the rest of the day and the next day woke up feeling like I'd taken a solid kick to the cubes, and two Tylenol cured that.

The real fun started a week later...Per the doctor's instructions, I had to "run the pipes" at least once a day, then bring a sample back in a week to look for live swimmers. Because my wife was in the room with the doctor, nurse and me during the vasectomy, he told her she should "assist" in the "exercising of my plumbing so as to limit the potential physical trauma possible from "manual manipulation".

Best week ever!

That was how mine was done, and I was higher than a kite from the Valium he gave me.

[Steve Butters]

I got fixed about 11 years ago. No complications, minimal pain. The most remembered discomfort was from the nut hair growing back. The technique used was called the "non-scalpel" method where they don't actually cut the skin open with a blade, but [those of you that might be a bit frail should hold on to something] poke a hole through the scrotum using the sharpened end of a set of surgical needle nose pliers. Of course I'd been given a happy pill and shot of local anesthetic, but I honestly felt nothing. Even when the doctor opened up the pliers to expand the hole (taking advantage of the stretchy nature of nut sack skin), I barely felt a thing. The cutting, tying and cauterizing of the vas deferens also went unnoticed. The only hint that i was getting worked on what the mild sting from the superglue used to seal the openings.

I got to sit on the couch with an ice pack for the rest of the day and the next day woke up feeling like I'd taken a solid kick to the cubes, and two Tylenol cured that.

The real fun started a week later...Per the doctor's instructions, I had to "run the pipes" at least once a day, then bring a sample back in a week to look for live swimmers. Because my wife was in the room with the doctor, nurse and me during the vasectomy, he told her she should "assist" in the "exercising of my plumbing so as to limit the potential physical trauma possible from "manual manipulation".

Best week ever!

[Jsin]

Man you guys must have some shoddy doctors!

I went in and had mine done in August, The doctor, a doc in training and a nurse were there. I felt a light pinch when he injected the anesthetic and didn't feel nothing after that. I never took the percocet I was prescribed.. didn't need it. I waited a week to get on the bike for a short ride and the SO gave me crap for going out so soon lol.

Just went back Friday and gave my sample got the call at 6:45 last night, no kiddos for me!

I think the worst pain was the second day and I got everything done for me I just got to sit and watch some movies. The peas helped a ton though, I still am a bit lopsided down there though.

[standout]

Had it done then had sex two days later (wife stayed in birth control until it was official). U guys are pansies.

Just kidding. I read tons of horror stories before I got mine done but 10 times more stories about how simple it was. A weekend watching the first 3 seasons of lost and a bag of peas then back to work on Monday. No drugs needed.

[Das Borgen]

[SAMBUSA]

You gheys want snipped, I'd do it for ya for free. Do it to the lambs every spring :sheepfucker:

[Beegreenstrings]

Good lord... I am never going and doing this! It would be my luck, I would repeat the entire story! just my luck