My dad has cancer

[scottb]

This is going to be a long post and I will proably hit the word to post limit.

I haven't been out here much and have not been my bike all year. I left out all the emotions and some of the other details. If this can help anybody or you are going through the same thing with somebody you know, please send me a message and maybe we can help each other. I am ok talking about this so please allow me to share.

The next part is going to get deep very quickly. A lot of tears and a lot beers involved in the last 3 months.

Now for my dad, he is only 65 and he has lung cancer and mobility issues due to the tumor on his spine causing his hips and upper legs to not function. There was already a plan in place to have radiation for the spine tumor and then chemo.

Friday May 18th he was released from the rehab place since he was not making any more progress with therapy for his legs / hips.

He was home Friday. Saturday morning things went bad quick. Saturday morning, he was having labored breathing and gasping for air. We called 911 and took him to Hillcrest hospital. In the emergency room, the doctors were able to get his breathing back to normal. They took a lung X-ray and determined that the cancer has spread so much that there was nothing else they could do. Dad has a living will and DNR request.

Now as a side note, the last 3 months while dad was in the hospital and in rehab, every 4 hours, they would administer medicine and take his vitals. This is not the best place to recover since you are not at home, all the back ground noise and the crappy food. So, I think these factors may have been part of why dad kinda back slide a bit.

They set up a bereavement room in the hospital and told us he might not make it through the night. We called all the family to come to the hospital. We were there all day Saturday, Saturday night, all day Sunday, Sunday night and into Monday morning. During that time, we witnessed times where dad was awake and normal, just talking to everyone. Then there was the spells where dad would reach towards the ceiling and talk about seeing his mother who has passed away when he was 19. I encouraged him to go sit with her and his breathing got shallower. Then suddenly, he snapped back and was completely normal and talking.

During this time, we got in touch with the in hospice team from Western Reserve hospice. They explained that there was the option for hospice at home. That was always the goal was to get dad back home. Western Reserve made all the arrangements to get the additional medical equipment that we did not have. They arranged transport to get dad back home and also provided all the medicine, supplies, and a COMPLETE team of nurses, caregivers, training and counselors.

So far, dad is still at home, and has had a great 3 days of being completely normal and talking. Tuesday, to show he was still the dad, he wanted me to get out of his house and cut the grass and wash mom's car.

We also had tears of joy and tears of sadness, forgiving each other talk and what dad wanted for his last wishes.

I have been living hour by hour and day by day.

I am ok so far. I am passed the anger and the why, but I take comfort in the fact that dad will enter into the presence of God.

[granda080]

Praying for you and your family.

[cmh_sprint]

Very sorry to hear this. Enjoy the time you have. Having been through this with my father, the fact that he made it home was a great step and IMO makes a huge difference as far as their will to keep the fight going. My dad had a goal to get just strong enough that he could leave the rehab facility her and make the trip back to his home in Northern Michigan.

[Mykill]

Sorry to hear what you're going through. Thankfully your father had a living will and thank you for honoring it even though it is a very difficult thing to do.

Prayers for your family.

[NinjaDoc]

My prayers with you all, make every second count and cherish every moment

[InyaAzz]

No words can make it any better. I'm sorry you or anyone else has to go through this with someone they love.

I watched someone really close to me get destroyed by pancreatic cancer 2 years ago.

Fuck cancer.

[grapesmuggler27]

Sorry to hear man, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

[Rjettman]

Western Reserve Hospice is a good group of people. They helped us out in the past in a similar situation. All the best to you and your Dad.

[gen3flygirl]

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. It seems like he has had a great life and will be with the ones he loves when the time comes for him to be in peace. I am glad you were able to get him home, if I make it to that age I do not want to be filled with tubes and prods. If there is anything you or your family needs let us know.

[scottb]

Thank you all already. This post is like 10 minutes old already comments. Thank you.

A quick funny story. As dad was getting ready to leave the hospital, he mentioned that he wanted a beer since he has not had one since the beginning of the year. The hospital nurse said he should not mix alcohol with with meds since it is bad for your health.

I was like WTF!! Will it really make a difference.........DUH!!

So for breakfast this morning, dad had apple sauce and morphine pain pill.

For dinner today, dad had mac and cheese and just few ounces of beer. ( I am saving that beer bottle)

[BDBGoalie]

Sorry to hear this. I've experienced more than my share of death in my life, but luckily not a parent. My advice to you is spend as much time as you can with him. Whatever he wants to do, or just talk. Those last few month will be the most powerful and encouraging memories you will have of him. You will feel so much better knowing you were there in every way you could be, and he will love you all the more for it.

As others have said, if you need anything, send me a PM.

[Cheech]

Fuck. Thoughts go out to you, Scott.

[Scruit]

Sorry to hear. If anything is "good" about this, it's having the chance to say goodbye properly. When my mother died it was unexpected and by the time I flew back to the UK (24 hours notice) she was unconscious in ICU and died a couple of hours later with the family around. It was like she waited for me to gather with the family. I would have liked to have spoken with her one last time.

The last time we spoke, the week before, she asked me if I was successful in life *because* of her or *in spite of* her. I didn't answer her.

That one word has haunted me for more than 10 years.

Becuase.

[jbot]

I'm so sorry to hear Scott. I hope things go easier for you and your family.

[Sniper_308]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, Scott.

[chevysoldier]

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad, Scott. Like was mentioned, at least there is some time to saygood bye and make things right if need be. Life is crazy and unfair. Some people will smoke 3 packs a day and live to be 100. Others make all the healthy choices and die of cancer at 20.

Fuck cancer.

I'll share a few things with you. My dad has chronic lymphocytic leukemia. He got real sick and ended up in the hospital about 2 or so years ago. He got bruises and red splotches for no reason. He takes medication and is doing fine right now. I mean he can still get around and works his ass off. We just know that one day it will probably take him. One benefit is that he smothers my daughter, his only blood grandkid, with so much love. She gets away with so much shit that I couldn't at her age. Hell, he showed her how to use their window AC unit to blow bubbles in the house. Lol

Fuck cancer.

My mom's first husband's second wife died from cancer about a year ago. We got along great with her after some of the BS but that's neither here nor there. She was diagnosed roughly a year before she died. She did a lot of things she always wanted to do. She spent as much time with family and friends as she could. Doesn't make her passing any easier.

Fuck cancer.

This past Tuesday I was at the funeral of a friend who died from a brain tumor. About 3 weeks ago he was incapacitated at home with it. Couldn't hardly move or talk. They gave him 2-4 months to live. He died in two weeks. He was a firefighter and was currently working on EMT training with his 21 year old daughter. He was always put his needs above his own no matter what. They radioed out to the mutual aide departments that he was "out of service". That's rough to hear. He was 53.

Fuck cancer.

There isn't much point in me telling you all this other than the fact that you not alone. Life is a bitch sometimes but you've always got to look at the bright and good side even though the pain might cloud your view.

Be tough, not just for yourself but the rest of your family and especially your dad. And in case I forgot to mention it...

Fuck cancer.

Edited May 24, 2012 by chevysoldier

[bandit12]

Prayers sent. <><

[scottb]

THank you everyone. I am glad that he is at home and that we do have this time to get some closure. When he was at the hospital, it felt like a burden to have to go drive there and be there till late at night. My mom has been at my dad's side for at least 16 hours a day in the hospital, and just going home to sleep for a bit and then go back.

Now that he is at home, there is a new "normal" schedule and it is much easier on all of us.

Speedy, THANK YOU for the phone message. I will call you on Saturday. Thank you.

Scruit, thank you for sharing. That has to be tough but I am sure she understands. You did what you could do, so please don't beat yourself up.

Chevy, thank you. I think you don't like cancer either.

The bitch part about life is that you always think there will be time. My dad retired 6 years ago and has always talked about getting a 1955 chevy. He was also practical. When he got a new roof on the house, he said something like, well, there goes my 55 chevy, but at least i get to look at the new roof. The medical bed has a "pull up" bar, and dad said " well, i'll just pretend this the steering wheel of the 55 chevy".

My goal is to build a ramp from the back of the house to the deck so dad can sit out side, for a little bit each day.

If I can swear without getting banned.... FUCK FUCK FUCK.

[snot]

My prayers are with you and your family.

[Helmutt]

Lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer back in 99. Hospice was awesome throughout the ordeal, and I'm thankful for them. He died at 61. Much too young imo, but it happens. He was the smartest man I'll ever know and loved him with all that I am. Sorry to hear this Scott. You're in my thoughts, and if you want to chat please feel free to pm me.

[Jst2fst]

Sorry to hear this about your dad.

[RVTPilot]

Thoughts and prayers for dad, you, and the family, Scott. Cancer is a complete and utter bastard. I hope you have more light moments like the beer/meds one with dad while he endures.

[conn-e-rot]

Sorry to hear this

The people at hospice are amazing I could never do their job

[redbarron77]

thoughts and prayers to you and yours.

[fizzer]

This sucks man, fuck cancer indeed. Cherish the time left you have been given to spend with him, and may his remaining time be as painless as possible.