Think the concensus here is that quite a bit of us have been where you are, or are where you've been - either way, you have empathy here. With the music equipment you've stated, sounds like you have some skills as a musician......pick up a weekender's dream gig playin' covers and originals at a local club, the occasional lime light will definitely make you feel better about yourself through positive attention and compliments as well as give you a hobby throughout the week learning/writing music - I love it! If you're passion is in motorcycling, search out aftermarket companies needing electrical tech's/engineers to design and build things the market has demand for......maybe even design new goodies to help make a new trend? You've got options man, and the "target fixation" analogy is spot on - I have done this very thing myself and it's a tough cracker to swallow at times......but if you focus on your "positives" and the darkness goes away more and more. Also, take IP up on his offer for some herbal enhancement.......in a medicinal capacity of course You never know, it may bring good things to light -- a stoner epiphany if you will Good luck in your endeavors and chin up about your life.......at least you didn't squander an Engineering education on working in a truckshop for the last decade like I have - but I'm happy enough with my living thanks to all you truckdrivers out there who like to break shit!