El Karacho1647545492

Cliffs: 1) (*$(*)(*#$!#(*$%^@^%@# 2) Roommate :jerkit: 3) rant 4) solution? 5) ... 6) profit? Oh goddamnit this is so fucking unkosher. Who the fuck would sit in his bed and spank his hog while another dude is even in the same room?????? MY ROOMMATE, THATS FUCKING WHO!!!!!!! What's worse is this kid is my friend and its not like I don't chill with him all the time, so avoiding him altogether is out of the question. He just puts in his goddamn headphones, puts his laptop in his bed, puts his knee up so he thinks I won't notice anything, and proceeds to make the covers shudder more than Courtney Love in a pharmacy with a blank prescription sheet. And this all happens in my goddamn peripheral vision. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I can't even fathom how blueballed you'd have to be to do this, but goddamnit WHY DOES HE DO IT WHILE I'M HERE? I WAS OUT OF THE ROOM FOR 10 HOURS TODAY. WHY CAN'T HE GET HIS JOLLIES THEN? Then, he goes into the bathroom and talks to me on the way like I DIDN'T just notice him jerkin' his gherkin. Every goddamn night for the past week. Okay, so how do I fucking handle this. Do I just leave from the hours of 12-430 in the morning? Do I just hire him a hooker to give him one good blow to take care of his junk for a couple weeks? Do I secretly videotape it and post all over the internets for you sick fucks to see? How do I A) get it to stop or B) humiliate him? Ideas I've come up with: - start using a nightlight - send an instant message to the girls across the hall to come barging in while he's mid-stroke and rip his covers off - record + leave DVD on his pillow that says "I know" - jump up while he's doing it, turn on all the lights and say "STOP MASTURBATING YOU GODDAMN HORNBALL" - while he's doing it under the covers, put in some porn on my TV, turn up the volume, pull out my pecker and whack off in the middle of the room - tell all my friends, let gossip take care of it - put gay porn on the tv so he can't concentrate - use his computer and get a gay porn virus - get a haXX0r friend to make all porn sites automatically default to goatse - start a website called watchmyjerkinroomie.com and profit this is no :bs:

time to buy a junker?

http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1163920465-1162651140123.jpg

i'm not gonna have internet on the real caturday, so here's my valentine's day present to all of youhttp://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1168705855-motivator7486438.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1171307898-1170589954981.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1171307898-rs017.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1171307898-hunchback-cat-has-lost-his-marbles.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1168702253-1168180216347378.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1168702253-1167593274597.jpg http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1168702253-1167585422649.gifhttp://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/1168382483-116697181987097.jpg more to come when it isn't 3am

holy fuck i just had to take some oxycontin to keep looking at that....there are so many things wrong with this, where do i start. I think its clear that whoever is selling this thing does not have a solid grasp on the English language. No native speaker could make that many disastrous spelling errors and expect to be taken seriously as a seller. That car looks like it was assembled by a trained autistic chimpanzee with an instruction manual from Lego's, bondo'd by someone who clearly believes quantity trumps quality, and interior made by a Parkinson's sufferer on PCP. Also, does anyone else look at the gauges in Images 4 and see only the right turn signal light? I don't see the left one?

and you didn't even have to buy her anything

oh god i wish i could afford these for the apache

yeah, but i'm pretty sure the electron tube from my television assaulted my brain in irreparable ways. Majora's Mask was insane though. I think MGS3 is one of the most fun games ever, because there's so many different tactics you can use. MGS4 is supposed to be ridiculously awesome, where you can interrogate guys after you CQC them, use adaptive camo (Octocamo as they're calling it) and all sortsa shit.

battlefield 2 > *

i wonder if thats what they said about the person that invented the dildo

do go on about your last girlfriends...

not to mention various houshold items...bananas, bedpost, baseball bat, various other round blunt objects that start with "B" because i'm a master of alliteration...

LEGHUMP ALERT. I wish i had a valentine's day booty call...i'm not stooping this low though.

Taken from mustangforums.com http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_01.jpg Materials Lays Stacks (my preferance, holds up better)/Pringles potato chip can Foam rubber Condom 1 1/4'' o-ring Scissors Marker Procedure Empty the chips out of the can. You can use whatever brand and flavor you prefer, but we like the one shown here for the container’s ergonomic shape and durable, colorful plastic. Lay out the foam and trim to fit the length of the container if necessary. The length of the foam can be up to a half inch longer than the length of the can. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_03.jpg Unroll the condom and drop the O-ring inside. If you use a lubricated condom, turn it inside out first, so the lube is on the inner surface. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_04.jpg Lay the condom along the foam with the open end slightly above the edge, and mark across where the O-ring lays in the condom. Cut the foam into two pieces along this line. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_05.jpg Roll up the smaller piece of foam and push it into the bottom of the can. Lay the condom against the shorter edge of the other piece of foam so that the tip and the O-ring are hanging over one end and the open top of the condom is hanging over the other. Roll up the foam with the condom inside. The O-ring should be flat against one end of the foam roll, and the top of the condom should be sticking out of the center of the other end. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_06.jpg With the scissors, make a nick in the tip of the condom, just enough so some air can get through. Insert the foam roll into the chip container, making sure the open end of the condom stays above the top of the foam. Leave about ½” of foam above the rim of the can. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_07.jpg Use a nail or screwdriver to poke a small hole on the side of the can near the bottom. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_hole.jpg Optional: If desired, use a pink or red marker to draw a vagina or lips on the foam around the center hole before covering the foam with the condom. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_09.jpg Carefully stretch the condom around the rim of the can and over the lip so it covers the foam. The lip of the can will hold the condom in place. http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/chips_08.jpg To use your homemade flashlight toy, squirt some water-based, non-greasy lube into the condom and insert your penis. Cover the hole in the can with the tip of your finger to control the amount of “suction” you get. Closing the hole will increase the suction, so leave it open as you stroke in, and cover it on the out stroke. Remove the foam roll and replace the condom after use (or rinse and reuse, if you’re really cheap, I know I am. :dodgy. Use a textured condom turned inside out for more stimulation. Because the condom has a small opening on the end, the foam at the bottom of the can will periodically need to be replaced. Lays: http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/flashlight/img/mouth.jpg

the Metal Gear Solids and Zeldas are responsible for my stunted mental development.

no girl, so i'm just gonna work on getting one for March 14th...steak and blowjob day

we got 4 inches overnight here in boston, now its sleet n rain fucking sideways (gusts 50-60 mph!) and its gonna turn back to snow tonight. yeah, and no one in MA or CT has school off for this.

oh i'm into beer. i'm in the heartland of Sam Adams country, but physical displays of aggression > alcoholism

don't everyone get all uppity on bottlefedfcus...he'll soon realize the girl at the Jamba Juice in florida is a helluvalot hotter than his to-be wife, gives better head, and actually has a job. Thats what divorces are for.

oh man, i feel you there. crazy bitch of an ex girlfriend just incited some mad drama over here so i'm trying to fuggedaboutit, but punching something seems like a good idea...i should get into boxing.

+1 for all of this, especially brushing ALL the snow off your car. In many northeastern states (CT, MA, VT) it is actually against the law not to, because you may cause an accident with flying chunks of snow that plaster someone's windshield. Also, 15-20 mph is only as safe as the distance between you and the car ahead of you. You could be doing 5 mph, but if you don't have enough distance, you're going to hit the fucker in front of you anyways. Keep at least 4 or 5 carlengths between you and the next knucklehead up. If you don't have ABS, don't use the method of "stomp and release" aka "pumping the brakes". Its a useful way to slow down for people who have no nerve endings. If you're any kind of good driver, you'll be able to feel the braking threshold and be able to release a little bit of brake, instead of mashing and releasing. 70% consistent brake efficiency across the board is going to slow you down faster than locking up and rolling over and over and over.

and "New Orleans" is just an anagram for "No Renewals"

willing to ship? i have a friend that may be interested

bumpity bump to the max extreeeeeeeme

for pictars?