Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the Archangel, found Him, resting on the seventh
day. He inquired of God, "Where have You been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made!"
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be
a hot spot. And over there I've placed a continent of white people,
while over here is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing
to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid, while
this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land
mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's West Virginia, the most glorious place on earth.
There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and mountains. The people
from West Virginia are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and
they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely
sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known
throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about
balance, God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm putting around
them in Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Maryland.