Is this what happens when we get older?

[Tpoppa]

I'm 43.  I have many friends that are right around that age.  I've had way too many friends pass away recently.

 

I've lost 5 people due to suicides in the last 2 years.  These are people that at one time or another were close friends.  Depression, mental illness, and drugs affect more people than I could ever have guessed.   

 

I it just me, or is this what happens when people start approaching middle age?

 

I'm going to another wake this evening. 

Edited January 21, 2016 by Tpoppa

[ScubaCinci]

Holy...I'm your age, have a pretty wide circle of friends/co-workers and don't know a single person that has committed suicide. I know a good number of people I would consider functional alcoholics and a few that do weed but none that I know of (or suspect) are doing heroin or anything like that. Sorry you have to go through all that. Don't let it get you down though, you've always got us clowns.

[ReconRat]

Old guy here. Yes, lost some between 40 and 45-50 years of age. One heart failure, one suicide, one legal over medicated, one struck by illness from hiking in the woods, no drugs that I remember. I think it slows down after that, or seems that way to me. Happens again around 60-65, people had heart failures and cancer. Make it past that, and you're retired, healthy and bored like me.

[Helmutt]

I'll be 43 soon, and have lost a few friends along the way. Only had one friend commit suicide, and that was shortly after graduation...and over a female, at that.

I just keep waking everyday, and enjoy what I can in life. I dont plan on cashing in my chips anytime soon, but since none of us know when that could be...do what makes you happy

[ScubaCinci]

Or as Murphy says...Smile, tomorrow will be worse.

[whaler]

41 and had a friend commit suicide this past summer. He had been on strong pain killers for way longer than he should have been for a back injury. Definitely see the midlife crises starting to creep into friends and family in my age range. At the same time some are taking stock and embracing what they have. Sociatial pressure sure has a way of working some people over.

[Tpoppa]

The wake I'm going to tonight is for someone that was mostly a childhood friend.  I still saw him occasionally as we have some of the same friends. 

 

He was a father, had a good group of friends, owned a business.  Not at all something I would have expected.  I guess you never know what other people are dealing with.

[ScubaCinci]

I guess you never know what other people are dealing with.

QFT!

[smccrory]

41 and had a friend commit suicide this past summer. He had been on strong pain killers for way longer than he should have been for a back injury.

 

Having gone through a dark period myself with multiple level neck issues, I can sympathize with your friend's back injury.  Spinal issues are very serious, no matter how much we'd like to think we're invincible or have all the medicine we could ever want in the US.  The fact is, the best procedures with the best outcomes are NOT what most insurance plans cover, even "platinum-level" ones).  What they do cover is a cascading slide of one fusion or discectomy into another into another until you're a broomstick, and that still doesn't reliably rid you of the pain.  While some do great, fusion success rates are appallingly low overall, and many patients end up on life-long pain management regimens which results in a drugged-out existence of restricted mobility and pain, pain, pain.  Your world narrows and shrinks.  You think dark things.  You wish not to lash out at everyone around you seen through filters of pain and inevitable decline.  You wish to remove your "problem" from the burden of others.

 

If anyone reading this knows friends or family going through chronic spinal issues, please keep an extra eye on them and help them get MULTIPLE opinions from orthopaedic and neurologic specialists with track records of positive experience.  I personally chose to go to Germany to have 4 discs in my neck REPLACED, OUT OF POCKET to break the cycle I describe above.

 

It's a serious thing.  Our bodies (mine at 48) are past their original expiration date and we're no longer mating fodder, so lots of things are changing.  Many of our children are becoming adults and our relationships are changing.  We're having to compete with younger, more physically able men and women.

 

It's time to retool, to rediscover who we are and what we want to get and give out of the rest of our lives.

 

And that's a GREAT thing as long as we recognize it and do a bit of letting go of what we expected.

[sprocket226]

I just lost my little brother on the 8th of this month.

49 years old. Liver failure.

But I'm 51, good shape/health, riding a sport bike...

[whaler]

I just lost my little brother on the 8th of this month.

49 years old. Liver failure.

But I'm 51, good shape/health, riding a sport bike...

 

Sorry for you loss.

 

Lost my sister 18 years ago the 16th of January.  She died from heart failure do to Anorexia.

[smccrory]

Sorry for you loss.

 

Lost my sister 18 years ago the 16th of January.  She died from heart failure do to Anorexia.

 

Ditto, I'm sorry sprocket and to the others who have lost friends and family.

 

Brian, I'm particularly sorry for your loss, even if it was 18 years ago.  One of my deepest fears while my daughter grew up was Anorexia because it is such a hard disease to treat.  Thankfully we didn't go through that.

[smccrory]

^^^^^ Love it!

[Tpoppa]

Thanks for sharing Paul.

 

You might not guess it, but I'm one of those eternally positive people.  I always think things are going to be OK, pretty much no matter what.  I can adapt to most any situation.  I really don't waste time sweating the small stuff. 

 

One of the principals I live by is:  "Life is too short to spend time worrying about things you can't change."

Edited January 21, 2016 by Tpoppa

[smccrory]

If I'm not careful, I'm going to run out of "Vote Post Up" quota points for the day. 

[Wojo72]

Right on IP! I need to find something like this. I've been walking to control my blood pressure and reduce stress but I certainly don't enjoy it. Life certainly feels like one step forward and two steps back lately.

I know this sounds dumb to most folks, but that stupid bicycle has given me a new life. What was once mundane and ordinary, has been washed with struggle, pain, exhaustion, accomplishment, pride in myself, camaraderie with fellow cyclists (there are some that don't suck, btw) and just general enthusiasm for being outside and taking the long, slow rode. Seriously, climbing the Cherohala Skyway last summer was one of the most incredible things to ever happen to my esteem. That was hard work, but I had something to show for it when I was done. Most days, I just work hard and have no feeling of satisfaction. The bike never makes me feel that way. I always feel amazing on the bicycle, even when I feel like I'm going to die on the side of the road.. it's nothing like I've ever felt. I will always be on a bicycle from now until the day I die. I have something worth doing. I have something that's pushes me to the edges of my physical ability and rewards me for fighting a battle of wits against myself every time I tackle a hard challenge. My brain used to have one mantra. "You're not good enough." My brain now has two personalities. "You're not good enough." and "Yeah? Fuck you and watch this shit go down!"

I've found something that invites me to push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of doing. I have never done any other sport that is as demanding and life changing as cycling. It's also inspired me to pursue joining a soccer team this year. Well, trying out for a soccer team, rather. The last time I put on a jersey was my senior year in high school. Now that I'm able to run without knee pain, foot pain, back pain, fat pain... I want to do it even more.

The bicycle saved my life. I wasn't suicidal, but I could have been in a few years from what I've read in this thread. My existence was less-than-fulfilling and now that's all behind me. I've said it before, but I want to say it again. I would sell every motorcycle in my garage, all my riding gear, tools and even walk away from motorcycles completely before I ever stopped riding a bicycle. It means that much to me. It's not a hobby. It's what I do. It changed me and it saved my life.

I watched my father being killed by cancer in 2008. He died at the age of 51. He worked his entire life and didn't even get to enjoy the fruits of his labor. As with most memories of my father, I've taken something from his death. I won't fall into that same trap. When Isaac graduates, and moves away for college, I'm gone. My work here will be done and I'm selling everything that won't fit in a small U-Haul. I'm moving somewhere that feels like home. Ohio is not that place. No more roots keeping me in place. I will be charging forward until I die. None of this sitting on the couch, watching television and dying of a heart attack with a pile of potato chips on my fat stomach. Nope. Not this asshole. Something much worse is going to have to come for me than heart disease or obesity. I would be ok with crashing and burning on some wicked switchback descent in the Swiss Alps. Motorcycle or bicycle.. either works for me.

We're all gonna' get ours, someday. It's how we live that really matters. I've been given a new perspective and a healthy way to fight off internal demons that would constantly tell me I wasn't good enough. I feel like a new person and I will not forget how hard it is to get out of a depressive state and even get out of bed at times. I remember what self-loathing feels like and I'm not going back. When it's time for me to go, I want to know I'm ready. I want to know I've lived my life doing what I made me feel alive. If you don't feel alive, you need to find that spark that moves you. When you find it, don't stop chasing it. Live your life before you can't.

Sorry for the long rant. I am not trying to steal the show, but I know I'm a changed person. I know I was heading down a dark place and had been on that trail for quite a while. The bicycle brought me home. Find what brings you home and accept the things you cannot change, but don't give up because it's hard. Don't give up because it's sad. Just don't give up.

Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk

[snot]

ok, so for me it's my motorcycle. At one point in my life I found a bottom and I had 2 choices, I would never consider one (can't do that to my loved ones). 2nd one was to get out so,Hellmutt ended up saving me from a bad life style. Then I rode bitch for a while and that was a good fix. Finally got my bike and I love riding, it calms me. I have found it relaxes me and the world disappears.

To pay for this love I am back in school.

The goal I have is to have a career where I can make some cash. Cash is so we can play hard and ride more. I love being outside and I love it more on 2 riding with hellmutt. I am 40 no midlife crisis just finally found what I want to do.

Edited January 22, 2016 by snot

[max power]

Rubbing one out helps.

What are we talking about?

[sprocket226]

Nice write-up IP. Glad getting on a bicycle does so much for you. Been a few years since I've had mine out.

Any ideas where you'll end up after your son heads out?

[okeefe01]

I can relate to this topic. When I got married, there were four guys in the wedding party counting myself.  I'll be 50 this year, and there are only two of the four left.  About 5 years ago, one OD'ed on pain killers and the other committed suicide.  It seems like it hit all of us at about 45.  You finally grew up a little in your 30's and started to be more responsible.  Then you realize in your 40's that you are working your butt off most of your waking hours, and what is it getting you?  You're putting money in your retirement fund, helping your kids with college, and trying to save money wherever you can.  If your not careful, the weight of life can really drag you down.  I have to work really hard to force myself to take time out for myself.  I hate to admit this, but I haven't been on my bike in two years!  I've worked on it, but haven't had the time for any rides.  I have to fix that this year!

[zx3vfr]

When I was 16 a sophomore in high school, we had 9 kids commit suicide in one year.

Majority did it with sleeping pills

One jumped over Niagara Falls

And a couple gun shots

Edited January 22, 2016 by zx3vfr

[HeavyDuty]

After I got out of the army there was a group of 10 that hung out and rode everywhere together now there are only 2 of us left the harsh reality is I now live by this saying.

Never look forward to the day when you stop suffering. Because when it comes you will know you are dead. And I'm good with it.

[smccrory]

After I got out of the army there was a group of 10 that hung out and rode everywhere together now there are only 2 of us left the harsh reality is I now live by this saying.

Never look forward to the day when you stop suffering. Because when it comes you will know you are dead. And I'm good with it.

 

Since suffering is a given with our aging bodies, I love your philosophy.

[ReconRat]

I know this sounds dumb to most folks, but that stupid bicycle has given me a new life...

Agreeing with IP (omg). I hammered bicycles from early teens through college. It makes you very strong, both physically and mentally. The benefits and strengths will last and pay off over a longer life time. Having said that, I intend to fix up my bicycle and get with it again. Maybe even a new bicycle or two, who knows.

 

Swimming is also an excellent all around sport/exercise. Just more difficult to find and participate in.

[Tpoppa]

I enjoy riding bicycles.  Mostly with my 2 year old on the back.

 

I totally get what Pauly is saying.  I got all the self torture, limit testing, and confidence building I needed from Sr. Drill Instructor Staff Sgt Ellington.