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Not Brian Rookie

Not Brian

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Posted

Why never to ask favors from the designers

Story goes :

 

Shannon (the secretary) has lost her cat and has asked David (the graphic designer) to help with a lost poster. This is their email correspondence...

Read from top to bottom….

 

------

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Poster

 

Hi

I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image1.png

 

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.

Thanks Shan.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Poster

 

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news.

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Poster

 

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image2.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image3.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image4.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

 

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Awww

 

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter. I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image5.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Awww

 

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Awww

 

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

Regards, David.

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

Please just use the photo I gave you.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image6.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image7.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

 

 

 

 

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm

To: Shannon Walkley

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

http://www.familybiking.com.tw/image8.png

 

 

 

 

From: Shannon Walkley

Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

 

Fine. That will have to do.

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CRed05 Apprentice

CRed05

Posted
Posted

More of that dude's emails can be found here:

http://www.27bslash6.com

 

http://www.27bslash6.com/images/chaplain_letter.jpg

From: David Thorne

Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Permission Slip

 

Dear Darryl,

I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.

Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.

As I trust my offspring's ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to 'Jesus' are replaced with the term 'Purportedly Magic Jew.'

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 9.18am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Permission Slip

 

Hello David

The tick in the box already was a mistake I noticed after printing them all. I've seen the play and it's not indoctrinating anyone. It's a fun play performed by a great bunch of kids. You do not have to be religious to enjoy it. You are welcome to attend if you have any concerns.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 11.02am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Dear Darryl,

Thank you for the kind offer, being unable to think of anything more exciting than attending your entertaining and fun filled afternoon, I tried harder and thought of about four hundred things.

I was actually in a Bible based play once and played the role of 'Annoyed about having to do this.' My scene involved offering a potplant, as nobody knew what Myrrh was, to a plastic baby Jesus then standing between 'I forgot my costume so am wearing the teachers poncho' and 'I don't feel very well'. Highlights of the play included a nervous donkey with diarrhoea causing 'I don't feel very well' to vomit onto the back of Mary's head, and the lighting system, designed to provide a halo effect around the manger, overheating and setting it alight. The teacher, later criticised for dousing an electrical fire with a bucket of water and endangering the lives of children, left the building in tears and the audience in silence. We only saw her again briefly when she came to the school to collect her poncho.

Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your god's promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikkiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry.

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 2.52pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Hello David

While it would be a pity for Seb to miss out on the important message of hope that the story of the resurrection gives, if you don't want him to attend the presentation on Monday then just tick the box that says I do not give my child permission to attend.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

From: David Thorne

Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 5.09pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Dear Darryl,

I understand the importance the resurrection story holds in your particular religion. If I too knew some guy that had been killed and placed inside a cave with a rock in front of it and I visited the cave to find the rock moved and his body gone, the only logical assumption would be that he had risen from the dead and is the son of God. Once, my friend Simon was rushed to hospital to have his appendix removed and I visited him the next day to find his bed empty. I immediately sacrificed a goat and burnt a witch in his name but it turned out that he had not had appendicitis, just needed a good poo, and was at home playing Playstation.

Someone probably should have asked "So the rock has been moved and he's gone... has anyone checked his house?" I realise Playstation was not around in those days but they probably had the equivalent. A muddy stick or something. I would have said "Can someone please check if Jesus is at home playing with his muddy stick, if not, then and only then should we all assume, logically, that he has risen from the dead and is the son of God."

If we accept though, that Jesus was the son of an Infinite Being capable of anything, he probably did have a Playstation. Probably a Playstation 7. I know I have to get my offspring all the latest gadgets. God would probably have said to him, "I was going to wait another two thousand years to give you this but seeing as you have been good... just don't tell your mother about Grand Theft Auto."

Also, is it true that Jesus can be stabbed during a sword fight and be ok due to the fact that he can only die if he gets his head chopped off?

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 10.13am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight. Learning the teachings of the Bible is not just about religion. It teaches a set of ethics that are sadly not taught by parents nowadays.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 2.23pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Dear Darryl,

You raise a valid point and I appreciate you pointing out my failings as a parent. Practising a system of ethics based on the promise of a reward, in your case an afterlife, is certainly preferable to practising a system of ethics based on it simply being the right thing to do.

Many years ago, I lived next door to a Christian named Mr Stevens. You could tell he was a Christian because he had a fish sticker on his Datsun. He used to wave at us kids from his bathroom window on hot summer days as we played in the sprinkler. I learnt a lot from Mr Stevens. Mainly about wrestling holds. The trick is to oil up really well making it hard for the other person to hold you down. I would often lie on his living room rug looking up at the pictures of sunsets behind quotes from Psalms while waiting for him to unwrap his legs from around my torso.

Your job would be made much easier if, after making the school children sit through an hour of church youth group teens dancing, singing and re-enacting Jewish magic tricks, you simply told them that it was just a small taste of what hell is like and if they didn't believe in Jesus they would have to sit through it again.

When I was at school, we were forced to attend a similar presentation. Herded into the gym under the pretence of free chips, we were assaulted with an hour of hippies playing guitars and a dance routine featuring some kind of colourful coat and a lot of looking upwards. Due to the air-conditioning in the packed gym not working and it being a hot day, the hippie wearing the colourful coat blacked out mid performance and struck his head against the front edge of the stage spraying the first row of cross-legged children with blood. Unconscious, he also urinated. There was a bit of screaming and an ambulance involved and everyone agreed it was the best play they had ever seen.

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 2.47pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Hello David

I don't see what any of that has to do with this play. It's important for children to have balance in their life and spirituality is as important in a childs life as everything else. There's an old saying that life without religion is life without beauty.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

From: David Thorne

Date: Friday 12 March 2010 3.36pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

Dear Darryl,

I agree completely that balance is an important component of a child's education. I will assume then that you will also be organising a class excursion to a play depicting the fifteen billion year expansion of the universe from its initial particle soup moments following the big bang through to molecule coalescion, galaxy and planetary formation and eventually life?

Perhaps your church youth group could put together an interpretive dance routine representing the behaviour of Saturn's moon Hyperion, shattered by an ancient collision and falling randomly back together, tugged to and fro by the gravitational pull of Titan, sixteen sister moons, the multi-billionfold moonlets of Saturn’s rings, Saturn’s gravitational field, companion planets, the variability’s of Sol, stars, galaxy, neighbouring galaxies... or possibly not, according to an old saying, there is no beauty in this.

Also, while I understand that the play is to be held outside school grounds, due to the fact that it is illegal to present medieval metaphysic propaganda in public schools, it is also my understanding that you are now required by law, as of last year, to go by the title Christian Volunteer rather than School Chaplain. A memo you may have missed or filed in your overflowing 'facts that cease to exist when they are ignored' tray.

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 9.22am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

 

I'm not going to waste any more precious time replying to your stupid emails. If you don't want your child to attend the play just indicate that on the permission slip.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 11.04am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Permission Slip

http://www.27bslash6.com/images/chaplain_letter2.jpg

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.11pm

To: David Thorne

Subject: No Subject

 

I will pray for you.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 15 March 2010 2.19pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: No Subject

 

Thanks. Mention that I want a Toyota Prado if you get the chance. A white one. With dark grey leather interior and sat nav.

Regards, David.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 9.20am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Re: No Subject

 

I've had enough of your nonsense. Dont email me again.

From: GOD

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 10.18am

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Word of God

 

DARYL, THIS IS GOD. BUY DAVID A TOYOTA PRADO. A WHITE ONE. WITH DARK GREY LEATHER INTERIOR AND SAT NAV.

From: Darryl Robinson

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.35pm

To: GOD Cc: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Word of God

 

I'm serious.

From: GOD

Date: Tuesday 16 March 2010 2.48pm

To: Darryl Robinson

Subject: Re: Re: Word of God

 

OK.

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04silvrz Newbie

04silvrz

Posted
Posted
Caption: Tah Dah!

 

http://cdn-www.airliners.net/aviation-photos/photos/2/9/6/1615692.jpg

 

Look at the deflection in the starboard wing, that's a hard touchdown.

 

 

omg, i would have been FLIPPIN out! i fly ALL the time for work, it feels like they are landing that way a lot, but they aren't. i couldn't imagine what it would feel like if you did come down like that.

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