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Q's about adoption


Green Bastard

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my wife and I are getting ready to adopt a baby (due in oct). we have almost gotten burned once doing this but we had not made payment when the mother backed out before. my question is, is there a way to adopt and avoid lawyers. I don't want to pay nearly 10k and have her back out at the last second. she seems pretty set in stone in not wanting the baby (she is a long time family friend), but I just don't want to throw a lot of money away. so is it possible to just have her sign over legal rights and have something of an open adoption? or do I have to go through the process of getting a lawyer? I don't mind going the lawyer route, but like I said, I just don't want to get burned at the last second. please keep opinions to yourself, I don't want talked out of it, we are prepaired to have a child. I'm just looking for facts from someone who may have gone through it or knows what they are talking about. tia
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my wife and I are getting ready to adopt a baby (due in oct). we have almost gotten burned once doing this but we had not made payment when the mother backed out before. my question is, is there a way to adopt and avoid lawyers. I don't want to pay nearly 10k and have her back out at the last second. she seems pretty set in stone in not wanting the baby (she is a long time family friend), but I just don't want to throw a lot of money away. so is it possible to just have her sign over legal rights and have something of an open adoption? or do I have to go through the process of getting a lawyer? I don't mind going the lawyer route, but like I said, I just don't want to get burned at the last second. please keep opinions to yourself, I don't want talked out of it, we are prepaired to have a child. I'm just looking for facts from someone who may have gone through it or knows what they are talking about. tia

 

I know you don't want other peoples opinions but dude you're asking for a massive headache.

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lawyer up

 

^^ This. I'm not sure what the ultimate costs involved are but adoption isn't something you want to do without ALL bases covered.

 

Think about it; it's not just what could happen in the beginning, it's about down the road. Is it worth risking a couple 2-3 years from now something popping up that could remove your child from your custody or cost you tens of thousands to fight later.

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A very close friend of mine in FL and his wife adopted a little girl from a messed-up young woman in town, and it was a nightmare. He and his wife are successful business people so they certainly had a lawyer, but I remember some of the horror stories they went through in adopting Bella. All is good now, but there were court hearings and the baby momma ended up being a f**king freak show.

 

Unless you want to take care of any legal disputes 100% by yourself down the road - including any possible legal documentation mcsteaks - get a lawyer. This is not buying a $1,500 car; it's ensuring that the legal responsibility of that child is yours...well documented and court-supported!

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I know you don't want other peoples opinions but dude you're asking for a massive headache.

 

This.

 

As dumb as it sounds, I suggest the OP watch the 16 and Pregnant where the girl lets a family member/close family friend adopt her child. She literally keeps taking the child back and then giving it back. All kinds of lawyer battles and so on. It's pretty messed up.

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Is Phil the dad and the girl selling her baby your brother's ex? Serious question.

 

as outrageous as that sounds, it is completely and utterly possible. i say that with the straightest face i can maintain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://gifsforum.com/images/gif/lol/grand/nxkih3.jpg.gif

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Is Phil the dad and the girl selling her baby your brother's ex? Serious question.

 

no.

 

 

to everyone else who has been helpful, thank you. I want to do it through a court, I just didn't know if the lawyer was needed. ill start doing some research for a lawyer now though.

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Yes you will need to get a lawyer to get get the custody of the child switched over to you. My wife and I tried this about 4 years ago. After spending the weekend with the baby in the hospital, an hour before we were set to go home, the mother changed her mind. So I wish you luck and hope and pray you do not have that happen to you or anyone.

 

As for the costs, I have a good friend that is a partner at a law firm that pratices family law as well as other things. He was pretty much working for free, so our retainer was only $3k, and he said if all things go smooth that is all it should have costs. Court costs alone were close to $1,500. Luckly, he was able to get the largest portion of the money back for us since we were not pursuing another adoption at the time.

 

Let me know if you are interested in his info.

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we will have no financial problems raising a child. the child will never go without anything it needs, and my wife and I are willing to sacrifice things we want.

 

That is commendable.

 

I hope you both are prepared for the drama that will ensue due to the fact that you guys have a personal relationship with the mother.

 

My wife and I have thought about adopting, but it would have to be a situation where we did not know the mom, and there would be no other contact with her whatsoever after the child is ours.

 

If you feel the potential drama in this siuation is worth it, more power to you, and like I said before, your point of view is commendable.

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thanks rc k9, the mother came to us and asked if we would adopt. my wife and I have not discussed weather or not its going to be an open adoption, I'm assuming it will be, being that its a friend of the family. prolly wont be open for the first year at least though.
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we will have no financial problems raising a child. the child will never go without anything it needs, and my wife and I are willing to sacrifice things we want.

 

Not to be a dick, but I imagine you are underestimating the costs associated with having a child.

 

If your sacrifices are: not putting a cam in your Camaro, Keeping the 42" LCD instead of upgrading to a 55", or cutting out that $1,000 vaca you had planned, prepare to be fucked and in need of government assistance.

 

If your sacrifice is something more like not buying that brand new GT500 you were about to pick up, then maybe.

 

Do you have an extra 20k sitting around? I hope so cause you will need it.

 

Look for an added 300 per month to upgrade your insurance to family plan. Probably 2k worth of copays in the first year.

$1,500 worth of formula

clothes, bedding, toys, etc...... you get the idea

 

 

 

Again, I am REALLY not trying to be a dick. It just seems like the 10k worth of legal BS involved is almost a buffer to weed out the people that shouldn't adopt. Yes, I am of the opinion that if you require gov assitance to raise a child, you should not be able to adopt

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ya, I understand the costs involved with children, its definately a long term commitment. I already have family coverage at work, and I'm not really worried about things like a new tv, or going on vacation. Im also willing to sacrifice my car if need be (though id rather put it in a garage for a few years lol). another thing they use to weed people out is bankruptcy. if you have ever filed, you cannot adopt.
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