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Not a good day for me...

hollywood3586

By hollywood3586,
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hollywood3586 Grand Master

hollywood3586

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Well Today marks the three year anniversary of the death of my best friend and my closest family member to me. It was my brother Gary T. Cook jr. He was the one of the first people to get me into riding motorcycles. It was his katana back in the day that gave me my first taste of what freedom really felt like. He was the smartest person I knew but had no common sense.lol

Now for the reason he passed away, it started with a surgery he had on his back two years before he passed away. The doctors gave him oxycodone to help make his pain tolerable. Gary wasn't one for pain so he keep taking the pills to make his back feel better. I don't know if any of you ever had a back surgery but from what he was telling me it was pretty painful. Well one thing led to another and he got addicted to the pills fast. Within 9 months he was hooked. He came to me upset cause he didn't know how to deal with the pain but get off the meds. So we looked around and found an outpatient clinic close to his house. This was a methadone clinic. Not sure if anyone knows about methadone bit it is a powerful drug (technicaly not a narcotic) that helps patients get off an opiate addiction like said pain killers. About a year and a half later Gary becomes very I'll, not realizing that in that time frame the doctors were raising his dose. I never in a million years would have suspected that this drug was killing my brother. It was shutting down his organs. The last week he was alive I was going to take him down there to lower if not get off these meds. I saw my brother on wednesday before that Sunday he passed. He told me he thought he was dieing and that he loved me. Well I'm like shut up Gary your 25 and you'll be fine. Gary had just lost his job and found out his girlfriend of 9 years was cheating on h with his cousin. My mom was in Myrtle beach at the time so she hadn't seen him in a week. Well basically he drowned from his blood filling his lungs.

I feel better about getting it out and I know it must sound kind of jumbled together but it's been a rough morning for me. I appreciate you reading this. It didn't help that my Internet was out today and I'm posting this from my iPhone. I'm going to go out and get shiity faced tonight and not have a care in the world, cause who knows how long any of us will be here. There is slot more to the story so of you'd like to know just ask. :)

Edited by hollywood3586
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Tony07R6 Rising Star

Tony07R6

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Holly, I'm so sorry for your loss. I've never had anything close to that happen, so I'm not going to be the one to tell you it gets easier with time, cuz I really have no idea if it does. If you and Matt need anything tonight you have my number.

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hollywood3586 Grand Master

hollywood3586

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How did the methadone kill him? I don't understand how the pills made his lungs fill with blood.

Like I said this story probably doesn't make sense cause I left a lot out but he died from methadone toxicity, his organs shut down and he was bleeding internally. There was no where else for the blood to go. Also it wasn't pills he was taking he was an outpatient and in akron they give you the fluid form of the meds, easy enough to take so you can't leave the office and sell your dose. If you want to know more there is a website called HARMD.com and they explain it better then I can.

Edited by hollywood3586
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hollywood3586 Grand Master

hollywood3586

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Congrats to you and you amazing feat. But methadone is technicaly not an addictive drug, or so the doctors say, I say bullshit.. I too was into that downward spiral with Gary until I met matt.

21 years is quite and accomplishment. I will cheers to you. :)

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Todd#43 Grand Master

Todd#43

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Congrats to you and you amazing feat. But methadone is technicaly not an addictive drug, or so the doctors say, I say bullshit.. I too was into that downward spiral with Gary until I met matt.

21 years is quite and accomplishment. I will cheers to you. :)

When something is classified as "non-habit forming" I'm quite certain they don't put the alcoholic/addict mind into the equation.

We (addicts) are NOT like other people when it comes to shit like that. Sadly, most doctors dont understand that.

By the way, its not really an amazing feat. I made a simple decision 21 years ago and I continue to make the same decision every morning.

Do be careful tonight.

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jporter12 Grand Master

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When something is classified as "non-habit forming" I'm quite certain they don't put the alcoholic/addict mind into the equation.

This.

We (addicts) are NOT like other people when it comes to shit like that. Sadly, most doctors dont understand that.

It is scary what some doctors don't understand.

By the way, its not really an amazing feat. I made a simple decision 21 years ago and I continue to make the same decision every morning.

Do be careful tonight.

My dad did the same with alcohol when I was 14 or so, then with cigarettes when I graduated high school. Fortunately, I did not get the addictive personality passed on to me. I had worried about it for a while, and had to prove to myself that I was in control of it. I now have the occasional drink, and have no worries about it being addictive.

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Pedro Veteran

Pedro

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Sorry to hear about your loss. It's tough losing someone and even worse when it's family.

Painkiller addiction is crazy. I was on Percocet and then switched to Vicidin for 10 weeks. I didn't realize I had become addicted to them until it was time to stop taking them when my injuries healed. It was a rough week without them but it was necessary.

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Todd#43 Grand Master

Todd#43

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It is scary what some doctors don't understand.

That's why they call it "practicing medicine". Most of it is guesswork in a white coat.

I had worried about it for a while, and had to prove to myself that I was in control of it.

Some would say that if you have to prove you control it, its already beyond your control.

Thanks but for you being sober for 21 years is amazing to me. You having the will power to be clean for that long takes a strong person. I will be careful tonight I'll be with the ones he was closest to.

I don't want to turn this thread into something it isn't, but it has absolutely nothing to do with will power or being a "strong person". If anyone wants to know more, please feel free to send me a PM.

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jporter12 Grand Master

jporter12

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That's why they call it "practicing medicine". Most of it is guesswork in a white coat.

And the government wants more involvement, and to take away some of the incentive that doctors have to be better. I'll stop there, this is not the thread for that discussion.

Some would say that if you have to prove you control it, its already beyond your control.

Point taken. I no longer have any need to control it, as it is truly something I only do on occasion now. Thanks for the insight though, and looking back, that was exactly right.

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jbot Grand Master

jbot

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i don't think i could be as coherent as you, even 3 years later, if my sibling passed away. you get lots of respect from me for being even functional.

sorry for your loss.

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hollywood3586 Grand Master

hollywood3586

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I'm not sure is I'm even handeling well at all.. Im only 24 and could not imagine my life being over next year. But I take one day at a time. I just wish I had more family to fall back on but my mom is it.. Growing up Gary was my father figure, since y mom worked many jobs to supportnus, he was all I have known. But the more I say the better I feel. Ideally need to go get another tattoo today! Damn I need money. Lol

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jsheikh Community Regular

jsheikh

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There is slot more to the story so of you'd like to know just ask. :)

If you dont mind i'd like to know more. I don't mean to sound creepily entertained its just stories like this help, me and im sure other ppl, get a reality check. Plus I guess i kind of admire the fact that your letting your feelings and story be heard. Its a sensitive subject and im interested to know more

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