kawi kid Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Yeah, I'm sure they were thinking about you at the time. I bet atleast one of them was thinking of me at that time lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chevysoldier Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 I bet atleast one of them was thinking of me at that time lolYeah, Ben might have been... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kawi kid Posted January 7, 2011 Report Share Posted January 7, 2011 Who ever it was, it must have worked lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C-bus Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 Lesson 11. Go to the grocery store.2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.3. Go home.4. Pick up the paper.5. Read it for the last time.Lesson 2Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...1. Methods of discipline.2. Lack of patience.3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.4. Allowing their children to run wild.5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.Lesson 3A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.4. Set the alarm for 3AM.5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.Lesson 4Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.4. Then rub them on the clean walls.5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?Lesson 5Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.Time allowed for this - all morning.Lesson 6Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.Lesson 7Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.Lesson 81. Hollow out a melon.2. Make a small hole in the side.3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.Lesson 9Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.Lesson 10Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.Lesson 11Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.Copy and paste job.... not mine. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alex985 Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 felicidaes hermano! i wish you newborn a whole life of great health and lots of maintenance on your bikes when u become old and sprinkly hehegod bless your home Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fonzie Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) Lesson 2Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...1. Methods of discipline.2. Lack of patience.3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.4. Allowing their children to run wild.5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers. The only thing more annoying than first time parents, are D.I.N.K's/wannabes & dog owners who think they're parents Lesson 4Can you stand the mess children make? To find out...1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.4. Then rub them on the clean walls.5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?3 of my kids are teenagers... And I think they almost drive me more crazy with the messes than my 4yr old... Because they're old enough to know better anymore. Plus... How many friggin' times do I have to tell them the same thing over & over & over?!? Lesson 5Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.Time allowed for this - all morning.Or getting them ready for pre-school in the morning when they don't wanna get up even... Let alone actually goLesson 6Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.Leave it there.2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.And then when they get older... Try not to throttle them when they complain about how embarrassed they are of your messy car/van Lesson 7Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.3 teenagers in our house... 2 of which are boys. It's like being in prison... I'm fully ready at every/any meal to shank anybody who looks at my plate suspiciously. 4yr old's to the point I can't hardly take him to the store anymore, 'cause he wants me to buy everything he sees. Now that I think about it... Teens are the same Lesson 9Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.It's not Noggin anymore Nick Jr nowI actually prefer the Noggin name betterThe logo was better too Lesson 10Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.^ ^ TrueFlorida trip 2 years ago Lesson 11Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room. Can't remember the last time I had an uninterrupted conversation, or actually slept in bed with my wife... By ourselves/just the 2 of us Edited January 8, 2011 by Fonzie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OsuMj Posted January 8, 2011 Report Share Posted January 8, 2011 when u become old and sprinkly idk why but this got me this morning. i can't stop giggling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CbrGirl Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you everyone for the kind words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gen3flygirl Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I avoided this thread because I thought it was something political again. I knew things got bad around here in the winter but DDAAAMMMNNNN!!! j/k congrats! I am sure you too will make great parents and you have an entire family here to support you guys in the next adventure in your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beegreenstrings Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 i always get a kick out of it when I see a post like this!Congrats for doing your woman! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max power Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you everyone for the kind words.Who is CbrGirl? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitani2126 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Thank you everyone for the kind words.If you or Casper ever need anything just let me or Chebby know. Congrats again and Hope all goes well for you and your new addition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chevysoldier Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 If you or Casper ever need anything just let me or Chebby know. Congrats again and Hope all goes well for you and your new addition.Shouldn't you be doing housework or something? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meanie Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Shouldn't you be doing housework or something? Doh...your going to get hit with the club reserved for midget Todd. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jporter12 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Shouldn't you be doing housework or something? Or making sammiches and delivering to your husband and his co-"workers"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chevysoldier Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Doh...your going to get hit with the club reserved for midget Todd.Or making sammiches and delivering to your husband and his co-"workers"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rick37 Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Congrats on the new addition.......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KruelHouse Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Congratulations guys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RSVDon Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 This thread was epic. I approve. Congrats Ben and Carrie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RFM Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Here are some good child bonding excercises... And really cool music!!!http://www.thealmightyben.com/?p=644 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Disclaimer Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Casper - what not to do, lesson 4: Hold on to your damn phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chevysoldier Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 Oh geez, poor kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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