Some of my favorites:
Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their
spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML
Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was
my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML
Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML