Some guys aren't allowed to take the penis on a trip unless the penis protector goes with it. I just leave the penis in a drawer at home so I can go have fun.
1) Sell that fancy Nancy shotgun 2) realize that new Remingtons are shit and search Armslist for an older 870 express w/20" slug barrel 3) buy older (like 10 years+) 870 4) kill innocent defenseless woodland creatures with reliability and precision 5) profit