Hey honey you want to go Amish?

[Guest powers]

IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE TONIGHT -- THE AMISH WAY

 

By ANGUS FENWICK

 

ALLENTOWN, Pa. -- You can improve your sex life just by following the traditions of Amish people!

 

Experts say you can have great sex simply by adapting selected aspects of the values and lifestyle of a centuries-old religious sect.

 

According to Dr. Milton Ayres, 44, of The Society for the Cross-Cultural Study of Sexuality, "The best sex starts with getting down to the basics -- and there are few societies on Earth more basic than the Amish."

 

"Their approach to sex is very old-fashioned -- just standard missionary position, with no fancy bells and whistles."

 

Ayres notes the Amish people also have a very horse-oriented rather than car-oriented culture.

 

"Hook those horses up to a buggy or carriage like the Amish do, and you've got your classic, romantic horse and carriage ride around Central Park," he suggests.

 

Dr. Ayres observes that the Amish lifestyle is more conducive to good sex.

 

"Most American couples wait 'til the end of the day, very late at night, to have sex. Both partners are usually tired and not at their best.

 

"But the Amish go to bed early and get up early. They have plenty of energy, alertness and enthusiasm for their sex lives."

 

Dr. Ayres notes that almost every aspect of Amish culture serves to enhance a couple's sex life.

 

"Amish people don't drink, so they don't need liquor to put them in the mood. An Amish man doesn't need to see sexy lingerie to get him excited. He can be aroused by simpler things, like the sight of his wife churning butter or milking a cow."

 

Overall, Dr. Ayres concludes, "Amish sex is a purer, deeper kind of sex than what we are used to.

 

"You really haven't lived 'til you've tried sex Amish-style."

[SlowZ06]

(Imagines Olsen twins churning butter) It's not working - Oh, wait a minute... smile.gif

[OGRE]

Originally posted by BIG PAPA:

"Amish people don't drink, ..."

 

Bullshit, i grew up 20 milews from Milersburg (the official amish capitol. no i'm not shitting you)

 

Those people are no more wholesome than anyone else, they just hide it well.

[BloodRed]

Originally posted by mesteno:

Bullshit, i grew up 20 milews from Milersburg (the official amish capitol. no i'm not shitting you)

 

Those people are no more wholesome than anyone else, they just hide it well.

100% agree. I grew up in Utica, at the edge of Ohio's Amish country and yeah they came in to the store I worked at and bought wine all the time. Of course there always came the question, can you card them?

[OGRE]

My wife grew up south of mansfield and she didn't believe me, intill we were filling up at the gas station in danville (a victim of amish sprawl) and a group of young amish guys left with 4 cases of beer and loaded up thier 3 horse&buggies and left.

She said, "i'll never think od amish the same way again"

I replied, "what, you think i was lying to you?"

[Bracketracer13]

[/qb]

Bullshit, i grew up 20 milews from Milersburg (the official amish capitol. no i'm not shitting you)[/qb]

 

Where u from, Mesteno? I'm from millersburg. My amish cleaning lady will have a wine cooler every now and then. And lots of times, there are amish parties with about 200-300 drunken amish! Good wholesome folk!

[Science Abuse]

Originally posted by mesteno:

Bullshit, i grew up 20 milews from Milersburg (the official amish capitol. no i'm not shitting you)

 

Those people are no more wholesome than anyone else, they just hide it well.

+1

2 words: Fox Hole

[Guest FBody Addict]

i hear they got good weed too

remember when them amish kids got busted for peddlin pot a few years back?

 

as for the actual topic, don't they get bored with the missionary position? i know i did

 

best position

girl lies on her back

one or both leg(s) on your shoulder(s)

that'll make it real tight

[OGRE]

Originally posted by Bracketracer13:

Where u from, Mesteno? I'm from millersburg. My amish cleaning lady will have a wine cooler every now and then. And lots of times, there are amish parties with about 200-300 drunken amish! Good wholesome folk!

Grew up in greer. Went to danville. used to go to the millersburg pool in the summertime growing up. Am-roids smile.gif

[Guest jpurdy2003]

They are the fine line between church and cult.

[OGRE]

Originally posted by Golden Brown Jack Trump:

They are the fine line between church and cult.

how do you know? I thought you grew up "in da hood"

[Guest jpurdy2003]

Originally posted by mesteno:

how do you know? I thought you grew up "in da hood"

Numerous published studies, rural cousins, and other ways.

[Guest powers]

Originally posted by Golden Brown Jack Trump:

They are the fine line between church and cult.

I think they would argue that they are not a cult just a way of life. And that you are an idiot for saying something you know nothing about.

[Guest Tony_K]

Harrison Ford broke some Amish cherry in the movie "Witness".