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Guest hotrodmama024

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Guest hotrodmama024

So i got this on Myspace today. Thought it was really dead on. What sign is everyone here? I have to split it up into a few threads. Sorry if this offends anyone..

 

 

Hornyscopes!!

 

AQUARIUS

 

Jan 21 - Feb 19

Ruling Planet: URANUS. The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns

 

Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical

Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than

an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship,

it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.They are very

entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the

signs.Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which

means that ########### gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like

sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene

and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.

 

FAVE POSITION

Mutual masturbation.

 

BEST SEX TOY

A #####. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some

fun with this.

 

AQUARIUS MALE IN BED

He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control

himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything

too. Role playing, #####, posing nude in the backyard at 5am... he's just

not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved.

He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.

 

AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED

She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she

finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her

out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come

 

across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS

Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the

ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for

giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up,

down and all around. Anywhere above

the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your

Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not

laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most

definitely lead to some action!

 

PISCES

 

Feb 20 - March 20

Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE

The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual

fantasies

 

Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want,

anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who

will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then

Pisces is for you!

 

When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than

pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic

and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also

gets them in the mood.

 

One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very,

very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale

romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.

 

FAVE POSITION

Pisces is all about Oral affections!

 

BEST SEX TOY

A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything

 

PISCES MALE IN BED

He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The

girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be

a bit flighty.But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old

school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's

showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!

 

PISCES FEMALE IN BED

She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be

held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between

the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when

she knows there are more exciting options at hand.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES

The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your

Love Slave, start with a warm, scented

footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them,

cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly

through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to

the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get

a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off

and lightly massage peppermint oil all over

their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY

gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss

each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in

baby!!!

 

ARIES

 

March 21-April 20

Ruling Planet: MARS

The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!

 

Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is

often in the chase more than the

actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate,

they do not want a submissive

partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only

comfortable with the missionary position,

go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy

pretending you're a human Twistie,

then you've found paradise with an Aries.

 

FAVE POSITION

Always on top and always in charge

 

BEST SEX TOY

Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!

 

ARIES MALE IN BED

The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n

grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by

candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original

5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning

types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat

unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!

 

ARIES FEMALE IN BED

She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy

romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's

like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand

with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not

remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to

her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts

you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man

enough to handle her?

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES

If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair

is an awesome starting point!

And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going

too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!

 

Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming

 

I am a Leo! GRRR

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Guest hotrodmama024

TAURUS

 

April 21 - May 21

Ruling Planet: VENUS

The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex

 

Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled

by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover

desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness.When a typical

Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the

world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off

so they will happily cook dinner, buyflowers, and light candles for

someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take

everything, including sex, slowly.

 

FAVE POSITION

The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so

unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical

and this is the most comfortable.

 

BEST SEX TOY

A battery powered "###### massager"

 

TAURUS MALE IN BED

The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make

love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he

LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and

can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before

 

rolling over to sleep.

 

TAURUS FEMALE IN BED

She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of

lovemaking.Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch

is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she

too can go for hours at a time, days on end.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS

There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and

their earlobes nibbled.Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck

followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with

delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.

 

GEMINI

 

May 22 - June 21

Ruling Planet: MERCURY

The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of

ultr-extreme raunchy talk

 

Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close

second.Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite

sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for.They need a lot of

variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop

doorway,

 

serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant.

A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of

the same sex.

 

FAVE POSITION

As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they

must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can

come up for air if they need to.

 

BEST SEX TOY

Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild,

new ideas

 

GEMINI MALE IN BED

He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive.

He's a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few

subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.

 

GEMINI FEMALE IN BED

She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect

the intellect, then satisfaction is not possiblefor her. She may sleep

around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most

faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet,

in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car....

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI

Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for

the good books. They love a good

massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their

fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine!

Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips

and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps,

then you know you're doing something right.then, move onto the fingers,

slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the

killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll

almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!

 

CANCER

 

June 22 - July 23

Ruling Planet: THE MOON

Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water

sign's many mood swings!

 

Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love

before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty

after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies,

especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or

take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents!Cancers become

sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home

cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the

dream partner!

 

FAVE POSITION

Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their

back with all their sensitive areas exposed!

 

BEST SEX TOY

A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!

 

CANCER MALE IN BED

He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own.

He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild!If the Cancer guy

decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep

his lover happy in and

 

out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!

 

CANCER FEMALE IN BED

She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will

win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so

beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl

would work on a Cancer woman?

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER

Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them

going.Start by kissing and brushing up against them.

Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but

don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.It's the complete

opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the

point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing

off the walls in no time!

 

LEO

 

July 24 - August 23

Ruling Planet: THE SUN

Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of

themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!

 

Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they

don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget

about them as they secretlyhigh-five themselves for scoring again! Leo

does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants

love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get

into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show!

They like to perform... and they take requests!

 

"Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty

damn good at it, but they need constant praise

for their outstanding performance.

 

FAVE POSITION

Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!

 

BEST SEX TOY

A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring... or

perhaps you can use them both together!

 

LEO MALE IN BED

You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You

are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are

sexy and have an aura of sexiness

 

that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your

partner has to make the effort or you will pad

off to your next Lioness!!

 

LEO FEMALE IN BED

You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women

want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command

respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most

men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it.

You're a once in a lifetime experience!

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO

A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to

roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the

top of the ass to the base of the skull.

 

I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a

REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch!

After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey

pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know

Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a

gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't

let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time

to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!

 

VIRGO

 

August 24 - September 23

Ruling Planet: Mercury

The God in charge of intellect and speed... but don't worry because

Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!!

 

Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen.

They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are

definitely NOT!However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not

a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm

and sublety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!!

Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in

housework and things like that, which

 

can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are

definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead"

sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.

 

FAVE POSITION

Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!

 

BEST SEX TOY

It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a

bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're

told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!

 

VIRGO MALE IN BED

You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a

woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your

perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky

ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion!

You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get u into the habit

of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?

 

VIRGO FEMALE IN BED

You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do

fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and

crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll

take what you can get!

 

You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have

strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for

someone to unearth it!

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO

Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them

putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from

the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have

anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all

times!!

 

LIBRA

 

September 24 - October 23

Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and

stirring sensuality

 

Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't get

what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious

for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in

the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you",

even when

 

they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else!

Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big

heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac.

 

Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies.

They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass

you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell

you exactly what they want.

 

FAVE POSITION

As long as they are lying down, they're happy!

 

BEST SEX TOY

K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!

 

LIBRA MALE IN BED

The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to

do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy

if there's a chance he might

 

get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you

can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can

be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer

his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate!

 

LIBRA FEMALE IN BED

The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between

their legs!Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs

her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting,

and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to

2nd base.Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your

Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not

'faking it'.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA

Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and

pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing,

reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back,

starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take

your time

 

and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of

the term 'Rimming'???Does it surprise you that a high percentage of

Libras are gay?

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Guest hotrodmama024

SCORPIO

 

October 24 - November 22

Ruling Planet: PLUTO, The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings.

Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any

relationship.

 

Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at

another hottie across the room.But they can be relied on to always be

there for you if you need them.

 

You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because

to them, Knowledge is power

and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any

emotion they are feeling.Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get

them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it

out.

 

FAVE POSITION:

Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.

 

BEST SEX TOY:

Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys

 

SCORPIO MALE IN BED

His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky

enough to be with a Scorpio boy,you will always be satisfied!! There's a

rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as

a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing

you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he

doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex.

 

Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!

 

SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED

She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a

wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom.Just don't piss

her off either, coz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man, and she

has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play

hard to get, because she will get u back, and it's a game

 

of one-upmanship you will never win.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO

Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan

zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind)

is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will

get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the

magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.

 

SAGITTARIUS

 

November 23 - December 22

Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God of money, luck and good times between the

sheets.

 

Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild,

and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary

of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything they

tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'.Sagos probably make

better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter

with them,be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before!Sagos are

spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it

somewhere public.

 

When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the

commitment is returned.

 

FAVE POSITION:

They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.

 

BEST SEX TOY:

Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll

be surprised at what happens next!

 

SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED

Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks.

It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him.

Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah!

 

He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me"

attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it,

and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere

else.He will either amaze his partner with his sexual expertise or be

absolute trash in bed!

 

SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED

The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she

shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the

strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no

problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can u handle her

open-minded sexuality?She will hide her emotions from you, but don't

make the mistake of hiding yours from her.

 

She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical

since she can be very untrustworthy herself.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS

Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on

massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be

afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to

tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh

in a public place!

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Guest hotrodmama024
Ummm... where's Capricorn?

opps. it was to large, cut it out. Capricorn's are not important!! ghhessh!

 

 

CAPRICORN

 

December 23 - January 20

Ruling Planet: SATURN - The God who oversees time, discipline and

dedication, which means Capricorn can go the distance - with major

staying power - in bed and beyond!!

 

Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to

tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash,

you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is

turned on by money.

 

Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability

to go all night if they want to!

 

FAVE POSITION:

Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.

 

BEST SEX TOY:

An office desk to "bond" on, or an ###### video will loosen up the randy

goat.

 

CAPRICORN MALE IN BED

Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect acrobatics

in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint

dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too.BUT you can

definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.

 

CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED

She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut

to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave

position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations,

so experiment with

 

different venues to keep it interesting.

 

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN

Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up

will take a bit of effort. Believe it

or not, their ###### area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs,

paying close attention to the knee region.

Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming

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I am a Scorpio and so is my girlfriend. Everything above is true.

 

Oh here is some related reading about keeping a man and women happy that this didn't touch on.

 

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20070606.l-genex07/BNStory/lifeFamily/home

 

Summary = Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day.

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Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at

another hottie across the room.But they can be relied on to always be

there for you if you need them.

 

You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because

to them, Knowledge is power

and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any

emotion they are feeling.Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get

them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it

out.

 

FAVE POSITION:

Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.

 

SCORPIO MALE IN BED

His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky

enough to be with a Scorpio boy,you will always be satisfied!! There's a

rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as

a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing

you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he

doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex.

 

Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!

 

Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will

get them ready and randy in a flash!!

 

Truer words have never been written. So... who wants to get laid? :leghump:

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