Your dearly departed's cherised things

[Orion]

So, I can't beleive I am about to ask CR to help me with something that actually has real emotional signifigance to me, but, here we go.

 

 

The condo that I own has basically been inherited by me, twice. My Grandmother purchased it in 2002, and she and my mother moved in then. In 2003, my Grandmother passed away from COPD, and I moved in with mom and assumed the mortgage so that she wouldn't have to go to some pip style place (she was disabled and on government income of $600 a month) and live in squalor.

 

When I moved in, the only things I brought were my bed, my computer and desk, and my clothes. That was the extent of the things that I owned at that point. The condo was already fully furnished with pretty much the combined legacy of the entire Nicholson Family, including the Ethan Allen furniture I have been trying to sell, as well as numerous and sundry other beautiful things from our family's history.

 

For seven years I lived there, paid the bills, and took care of mom. Many of you know that my mother passed away in the spring of this year, and I inherited to sum total of all of the things in the home, part and parcel.

 

Herein lies my dilemma, what the heck am I supposed to do with these things? When I pick up a piece of artwork that was lovingly crafted and given to my mother from my grandmother, what do I do with that? (I mean besides struggle not to break down in tears like the little bitch that I am, god help me ) Those who have been to my home know that it is literally FULL of little keepsakes that were gifts from one now dead person to another now dead person, both of whom I cared a great deal for.

 

Up to this point, I have given bags and bags of things to charities that my mother and grandmother supported, I have given away as much of the things as I could to the remaining family members, I have sold or am attempting to sell the things that I cannot bring myself to give away due to their perceived value (like the furniture), but I am left with a home full of little knickknacks and keepsakes that are sometimes addressed to specific people, and always carry some emotional signifigance.

 

CR, I ask you, what would you do with these things?

[Sparky]

Keep the most significant, give some to other family members and give away the rest as you're emotionally ready to.

[Casper]

Wow. That's a hard one. I know Carie hasn't been able to let go of things like that from when her father passed. We or her sister still have almost everything he left behind. Most is wrapped in bubble wrap and stored in the basement. Other than that, I really don't have any input. I myself don't think I could keep them.

[Sully]

I was in this situation a few years ago. I inherited a bunch of stuff from my great-grandparents (over 70 years worth of stuff). I started off by get rid of or selling things that did not mean so much to me. As the years have went on, I have been slowly letting other things go. When I decide to let more stuff go, I have a contact that take things on consignment. Once I have some stuff boxed up, I call him to come pick it up. I've been contacting him about once a year.

 

If you decide that you might be interested in going this route, send me a pm and I'll give you his contact info.

[SpaceGhost]

Dude if they are knicknacks and stuff you like, but have a hard time keeping out because of decor then pack them all up and store them, you are still young, maybe you will have a littler girl in the future that down the road she might want them. Plus you can explain the history and significance of them to her. Kids and children like that stuff. Especially if they never get to meet them. Don't just piss it away. No shame in saying items have a meaning to you and you keep them. My .02

 

My dad tells me stories about my grandfather when I go out to see him, He died when I was 5 and I so wish I could have spoke to him as an adult. I have a few things of his, and will pass them on and tell the same stories.

[Guest 614Streets]

My Dad loved to get into bidding wars on ebay with his new found hobby of collecting very old Gas engine plastic planes. They are rare and collectible , my mother used to leave them out and dust them but they were very fragile. Years ago we boxed them up in bubble wrap.

 

I would say over time you will hold on to a few keepsakes but yes most of it can be clutter if you don't have space for it or do not see a need to store long term.

 

Be glad you don't have a loser herion addicted thief brother in law like I do that decided to Raid my mother and fathers safe to pawn off old coins and jewlery that were passed down generations.

[NTHER91]

All I can say is allthought it is hard don't be in a hurry... Take your sweet time and when you feel it's right then make the choice. But like Stillman said just pack them up

[Orion]

A lot of it HAS been packed up, unfortunately, there is SO much of it that my entire arage is full, AND I still have stuff all over the house. Anyone know of a storage area that can be rented for a reasonable expense?

[Richard Cranium]

A lot of it HAS been packed up, unfortunately, there is SO much of it that my entire arage is full, AND I still have stuff all over the house. Anyone know of a storage area that can be rented for a reasonable expense?

 

Man, I understand where you are coming from. Both of my parents are gone and the same for my girlfriend. Getting rid of stuff is hard. It's difficult to deal with the emotions that get attached to items. The only thing I know is I am happier living in a house that is not full of clutter. Don't make yourself unhappy holding on to things to try and make others happy. I'm assuming the items you are talking about only have sentimental value. Open the option to any and all family members/friends/etc... who want to pick through and take the things that matter to them. You grab a few things that matter to you. The rest of it goes, one way or another. I've held on to too much stuff for too long. I wish I had gotten a dumpster years ago and just started pitching stuff. I'd rather miss one or two items than try and live with hundreds of items boxed up and taking up living space. It sounds like as things stand you would never be able to find anything you were looking for in those boxes anyhow. Which means you probably won't ever do anything with them. If you're not going to do anything with them, then they have no direct value in your life. You could pay for a storage garage, but is it worth spending 600 or 1200 a year to keep items that you don't value enough to have in your home?

[Snowflake]

Keep and store all of it. Give it to family members and friends along the way as gifts for Christmas and birthdays. You cant put a price on sentimental stuff.

[Patterson]

My wife and I kept an entire house full for several years after her GP passed years ago. It's a long process. Agonizing at times, but she has slowly worked through it. Much of it went as donationw towards the illness that took him, he would have wanted it that way.

 

You will make the final decision. Your family will respect that. Put it in storage, and work one box at a time. It's taken Monika six years to work it to a manageable level.

 

Ps. There is more to CR than Ti***es and beer. I think.

[El Karacho1647545492]

Don't burden yourself with possessions that remind you of them; burden yourself with the grief you feel at the loss of a loved one. You won't be sad about getting rid of something that reminds you of them, you'll be sad because it pains you to think of life without them.

 

You know your mother and grandmother would gladly put those things in the trash if they thought it'd make it easier to cope with their passing, wouldn't they? Of course there are some things that you shouldn't get rid of, things that will mean something to later generations of family, but it is no disrespect to their memory to allow others to enjoy what only brings you sadness. When we leave this earth, all that endures is memory and the rippling influence of our lives in the world. Whether or not it is recognized by anyone, you can help your mother and grandmother make the world slightly happier by letting someone else derive happiness from their lives.

[schmuckingham]

I honestly could not make that decision, and having someone come in and do it would be out of the question.

[Otis Nice]

I'm a little different than most. I don't really have any material items of my lost loved ones because they're just that. Material items.

 

I hold onto the things nearest and dearest. Memories of good times and maybe some pictures.

 

I understand not everyone has the same outlook as I do though. One day I too will be gone and all of my material items will be worth only what my loved ones can get out of them monetarily ...and I hope they see it the same way.

[Buckeye1647545503]

Just remember that a person is the thought, memories and such that you remember, not the things they leave it does not mean you love them less to get rid of surplus stuff. I would box the ones you don't plan to keep and make one large donation to a charity that has a retail store, this way most of it will find a new home and you can "rip the band aid off" once.

[nurkvinny]

You know your mother and grandmother would gladly put those things in the trash if they thought it'd make it easier to cope with their passing, wouldn't they?

 

Well said.

[Danielle]

We've been in this situation in my family too often over the past few years...

 

My dad just got around to going through my Grandmas stuff a couple weeks ago.. over a year later. But, best advice I can give you.. pack it up until you're ready to go through it.. And there will come a time, eventually.. Where you feel like you are ready to go through the stuff, and keep in mind.. They wouldn't want you to keep anything that was going to make you sad, keep things that you really like, that remind you of the good times with them. Good luck with everything..

[TTQ B4U]

Man, I feel you on the situation. My parents have a 5,500 sq ft house packed with stuff. I dread the day I lose them both, but more so the thought of having to relive every memories from all those items as I have to go through them with my siblings.

 

FWIW, your story just gave me a whole new perspective and outlook on something as simple as that desk you and I PM"d about. The stories alone and sentimental value would certainly carry forth with my family as I would openly share the story with my kids. In turn I know my son would understand and respect that story look at that simple desk daddy brought home as much more.

 

You can't do that with every item, but you know, it might just help to know that for the select items that you do part with and even share just a bit with the new owner, your loved ones and their memories will continue on with the new owners. May sound silly, but having just lost my father in law that I've known and loved for over 20 years, I have some great stories to tell about his life and belongings.

 

I"m rambling and don't have all the answers, but in the end, keep what means most and take your time.

[smokin5s]

I'm a pack rat and would box it up and put it in the basement which is probably what I will do when my parents pass... but with that being said, everything that I've held onto and don't use, I feel better once I get rid of it. Hell I have a whole storage unit full of shit that more than likely half of will end up going to charity because I have no use for it.

 

don't sit and harbor on their loss... move on with your life. Remember energy never dies, it just changes form. I at least find a little comfort in that.

[NOS50]

I have a traffic light (1'x2") hanging from the light on my ceiling fan in my great room.It's on the chain that turns the light on and off.No even notices it but it came from my Grandma and Grandpas house.He would hold me up when I was little and I'd turn the light on and off.To me it's truly priceless.Keep what you want and get rid of stuff as you are ready.

[Dr. Pomade]

DJ, whoa, I am so sorry for your losses. I've been away and didn't know.

 

I'd think there are a number of agencies (e.g., Goodwill, The Kidney Foundation) that could assist you. Maybe they'd be willing to come out and take out all of the things you're ready to part with, and it's a win-win-win situation: a charity gets something, you get to know that you're giving something worthwhile to an agency/people that need it, and you honor their memory in the process by doing something noble.

[Veritas]

DJ, I didn't even know your mother passed man. Spring was a busy time for us and I took a step back from pretty much everything, my heart goes out to you regardless how much time has passed.

 

As for your mothers and grandmothers belongings, it depends on what kind of space you have and if there is anyone else in your immediate who could help store some things for you. Other than that there are some storage systems I could suggest/help with setting up if you want a hand (been watching a lot of home and garden tv and stuff... sigh)