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120 mile ride with swamp ass


AOW

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For Memorial weekend I figured I would do a farewell tour over to PA to say so long to the family and friends. After getting a small overnight bag packed (sans rain gear pants) I head out Friday morning around 9:30am on the bike to start the 360mile (6hrs w/o stops for fuel per google maps) ride out to Harrisburg, PA. The ride was just awesomeness! My cruising speed was 90mph with occasional burst of 110-115, and I was loving it the entire way, especially on the PA turnpike. I arrived at my final destination at 15:19. I know arriving 11 minutes early isn't all that impressive, but when you factor in the gas stops needed due to a small 5gal gas tank and lav breaks at the same time, quick break at Starbuck's to refuel and relax for half hour w/several other bikers, it adds up to a pretty damn good time.

Friday I stayed at my brother's house where we proceeded to polish off 2 cases of beer and a shite load of chips and chicken. Saturday we head out to make the tour of the rest of the family and just do some cruising together for the last time.

Saturday afternoon go back to the brother's house for "quick" cook out meal w/some friends and the mom, and end up getting on the road at 18:30, when the wife calls me from the Pittsburgh area and informs me our friends out there planned a surprise going away party for us. OH SHIT!!! I'm 3.5 hours away and was supposed to be there at 18:00. Jump on the bike and hit the turnpike. All is good until I come through the Blue Mountain Tunnel on the PA turnpike. It was overcast up until then, but as soon as I got through the tunnel it started to rain a bit, not much, just enough to be annoying while riding w/mesh jacket and pants. No biggie, I've ridden through worse. Just as I think that the heavens open up and it starts coming down in buckets. I know I'm only about 10 to 15 miles from the next service plaza, so I push through instead of pulling off at an underpass. (yes this was dumb). When I hit the rain I had to cut my speed from 100+ down to 80 to keep from hydroplaning off the road, but those Metz tires handled that rain without issue at 80mph. Get to the service plaza, park under the gas pump canopy alongside couple other bikes that got pissed on. Couple of 20 something HD riders w/out any helmets or any gear, so they were waiting out the storm. I grab my dry gear head to lav to change, and that's when I remember that I did not pack my raingear pants.. PHUQ!!!!! Change shirts, put on the rain liner for the mesh jacket, call the wife let her know I'm riding through a flood and won't be there anytime soon, but will be there around 10pm.

Talk to the HD dudes and guy tells me he called his GF that lives in Breezewood (15miles down road), and it is only a drizzle but still 80s there. I say fuck it, throw on the FF and hit the road. Now forced to keep bike at 80mph, but don't care since I'm only stuck in the rain for 10 more minutes. BIG MISTAKE.....160 storming, driving rain miles later the rain stops, and after another 15-20 miles I pull into the Last service plaza on PA turnpike. It's now 80°, but thinks to riding for 1hr 40 minutes in a downpour I'm fucking freezing. I go into Starbuck's for some warming coffee, call the wife tell her my ETA. Go out to the bike, take off the waterproof boots, then take off the soaking wet socks, wring them out, throw my dry-ish set of socks on the hot exhaust pipes to pre heat them, finish my coffee over the next 15 minutes, dumped about a quart of water out of each boot (water got wicked down via the socks thanks to the mesh riding pants), cruise over to the gas pumps and fill her up for the last push to Cranberry Township, PA.

Until that day, I would have never believed that it could be 80+ outside and be able to freeze your ass and nuts off! When I got to the party at 10:15pm I was shivering from being so cold. Pretty sure my core temp drop a degree or 6. Changed out of all my wet clothes, did 2 shots of Vodka, followed by Bass and I was warm again. Just to be sure, I drank another 10 Bass Ales before calling it a night at 3:30am

So folks, the moral of this saga is ALWAYS PACK YOUR FUCKING RAINGEAR if you're gonna take a 800+mile 2 day road trip!!!!

Edited by AOW
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no pix... with all the water flying off the cars and trucks, it was pretty much grey everywhere. I did see a car that slid off the road and flipped over, then a truck that slid off just a couple miles further down.

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try riding with and undertail exhaust on bike that runs a consistant 220f on a 90 degree day............take it from a swamp ass veteren IT SUCKS! hahaha

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pack ur goldbond! is the best thign to cure swamp ass and soak up the duck juice

actually we used to sell this "ANTI MONKEY BUTT" product that was made specificly for this swamp ass problem. works well for horseback riding to motorcycle riding or if you go hogging at the local strip club! hahaha

anti-monkey-butt-powder.jpg

Edited by Ault
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my friends and i did this one night drinking at the Goose Island Brewey in Chicago. It's a fun game....

swalls

swesticles

swagina

swaint (or swaint rub for some people here)

swasshole

swunt

switoris

swoner

swenis

swack

swabia

you get the idea....we're simple people

(and drink if you repeat one)

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hey man you like those metz don't ya. they are great.

With the dunlops in the rain, I could never go more than 60-ish, and forget turning or cornering. With those Metz, I just kept it at 80 and they still handled like a fucking dream.

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actually we used to sell this "ANTI MONKEY BUTT" product that was made specificly for this swamp ass problem. works well for horseback riding to motorcycle riding or if you go hogging at the local strip club! hahaha

anti-monkey-butt-powder.jpg

gold bond has that nice cooling sensation tho! its hard to be on a hot day!

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