WHAT YOUR HOROSCOPE REALLY MEANS (joke)

[lagalaxy8]

WHAT YOUR HOROSCOPE REALLY MEANS

AQUARIS (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be callous & impractical; causing you to make mistakes repeatedly, everyone thinks you are stupid.

PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar20)

You have a vivid imagination & often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI. You have much influence over your associates & people resent your flaunting power. You have confidence & generally are a coward. Pisces people screw small animals.

ARIES (Mar 21 – Apr 20)

You are a pioneer type & hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient & scornful of advice. You are a prick.

TAURUS (Apr 21 – May 20)

You are practical & persistent. You have a dogged determination & work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn & bullheaded. You are nothing but a godam communist.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)

You are a quick & intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are cheap. Gemini’s are notorious for thriving on cheating.

CANCER (June 21 – July 20)

You are sympathetic & understanding to other people’s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That’s why you’ll always be on welfare & never be worth a crap.

LEO (July 21 – Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain & cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are always thriving bastards.

VIRGO (Aug 23 – Sept 22)

You are a logical type & hate disorder. This nit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold & unemotional & often fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus drivers & pimps.

LIBRA (Sept 23 – Oct 22)

You are the artistic type & have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are most likely to be queer. Chances for employment & monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of V.D.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You are shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a plum-perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpions are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 – Dec 21)

You are optimistic & enthusiastic; you have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majorities of Sagittarians are drunks, or dope fiends. People laugh at you a great deal because you’re always getting screwed.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You don’t do much of anything & are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they attract the f-ing pigeons that delight in decorating statues with bird crap.

[flounder]

SCORPIO (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

You are shrewd in business & cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a plum-perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpions are murdered.

HAHA... ME

[Chrome]

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are conservative & afraid of taking risks. You don’t do much of anything & are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for long periods of time as they attract the f-ing pigeons that delight in decorating statues with bird crap

Totally NOT me. this is way off. i hate these facking things. they are never right.

[JohnnyMac]

I'm a Scorpio also, but I do have ethics. Those all are pretty negative, dont'cha think? I do know Scorpios have tempers...

[Chrome]

J mac whats up, long time no see.