Top 10 Quagmire quotes: 10. Quagmire: Giggity, giggity, giggity, giggity! 9. Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. 8. Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did. Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on. (They all drink.) Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife. (Quagmire and Cleveland drink.) Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom. (Only Quagmire drinks.) ****About 33 drinks later**** Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Quagmire: Oh God. (Quagmire takes a drink.) Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself. Quagmire: Oh come on! (Quagmire drinks again.) Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics. Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.) 7. Quagmire: Fat chicks need love too...they just have to PAY! 6. Brooke: Quagmire, will you accept this rose? Quagmire: Really? After I drugged you and had sex with your unconscious body? Brooke: What? Quagmire: Yes. 5. Quagmire: "Hey there little lady. Why don't you turn around and show me your Lower East Side." Woman (man voice) : "Sure." Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off! Wait a minute...pre-op or post-op?" Woman: "Pre-op." Quagmire: "Whoa, transvestite, back off!" 4. (Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland are using a radar to listen to what people are saying and they happen to pick up of what Quagmire is thinking to himself.) Quagmire: God this itches! I wonder who I got it from. Probably that skank that I gave a ride to the gas station. Last time I do someone a favor. Oh God! They heard me! Oh god! I heard me! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" 3. Auctioneer: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioneer: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioneer: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. 2. Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you? Connie: 16. Quagmire: 18? You're first. Connie: Mom! Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy! 1. [Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall] Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.