Jump to content

OMEGLE: Post your hilarity


Mensan

Recommended Posts

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: horny female by chance?

You: Oh you know it.

Stranger: ha

Stranger: asl

You: 18/f/kentucky

Stranger: 20 m ohio

You: where at in ohio

You: i got some family up that way.

Stranger: cincy

You: that's not too far from me.

Stranger: thats pretty cool

Stranger: what are u doing right now

You: waiting on pa to get out of the bathroom

You: hes been shting in there for 30 minutes already

Stranger: sick

Stranger: are you hot

You: i'm hotter than hell

You: we don't have conditioned air

Stranger: cool

Stranger: pic?

You: why would i give you one of those?

Stranger: bc i have webcam

You: oh?

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: msn?

You: whats that?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

 

I about shit when he said he was from Ohio.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 115
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: Hello.

You: will you kiss my dirty place?

Stranger: depends

You: on?

Stranger: are you a guy or a girl

You: which do you want me to be

Stranger: i dont really care

Stranger: which one are you

You: i'm a girl

Stranger: oh cool

You: trapped in a mans body

Stranger: nice

Stranger: are you hot

You: not really

Stranger: do you have a nice cock

You: well yeah i am

You: i guess it depends

You: what are you into

Stranger: guys, girls

Stranger: traps

Stranger: pretty open minded

You: that's cool

You: a/s/l/cr?

Stranger: 20 m

Stranger: you ?

You: 16 m

Stranger: nice

Stranger: i like younger guys

You: do you?

Stranger: yeah

You: what do you like about younger guys?

Stranger: the way they look

Stranger: and feel

Stranger: and they are fun

You: The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of this chat along with the IP addresses of the participants due to potential violations of U.S. law. Reference no. 2334453436. Your IP address has been entered into our suspect database and may be sent to Child Protective Services. Please wait while memory ref. code 90637895 is entered into the database

Stranger: i dont care im not an american

Stranger: and you're legal in my country

You: i = fail

You: i just can't do it anymore

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

I was laughing too hard to come up with something to say.

I suck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stranger: hey

You: hi

You: ok this is how it work I say something then you say something back

You: its call a conversation

You: try it

Stranger: chill

Stranger: wat do u do

You: internet tough guy

You: pay is goo and there is no heavy lifting

You: good*

Stranger: where r u from

You: whats it matter?

Stranger: nothin just askin

You: what do you want

Stranger: just a chat

You: well what do you want to talk about?

Stranger: nothing special

Stranger: do you have any intersts

You: yeah you

You: asl?

Stranger: m male dude

You: ever have sex with anothe man.

Stranger: so better dont take interest in me

Stranger: no m straight

You: its not gay if our balls don't touch

You: so am I

You: you calling me a fag?

Stranger: no

Stranger: do u want me 2

Stranger: go get a life buddy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: helloo

You: sup?

Stranger: bit worried

Stranger: do u know stuff about sex

You: i invented it

Stranger: oh funny

Stranger: do u know if u can get babies

Stranger: if the guy puts it in ur mouth?

You: yes, but you throw them up

You: it's a beautiful thing

You: so precions

You: precious*

You: so magestic

Stranger: be srs

Stranger: pls

You: i am serious

Stranger: :(

You: you probably have a mouth baby

You: what are you going to name it?

Stranger: never heard of it

 

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

Lol.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: yo :))

You: hi

Stranger: asl please

You: can we have a serious conversation>

You: ?/

Stranger: yeah

You: ok I have a problmes and don't know where to turn

Stranger: ok but first.. asl... i won;t disconnect..

You: 16 m IN

Stranger: ok..

Stranger: soo what are ur problems?

You: last night my girl and I had sex for the first time (we were both virgins) this morning I wake up and have this really bad rash for lack of a better word

Stranger: omg. thats not good.

Stranger: did u use a condom?

You: its swolen up and and there are several (zits) that are leaking puss

You: no

Stranger: ohhh, well u might wanna go to the doctor and have that checked out. :)

You: I cant tell my parents the will kill me and take away my college fund

Stranger: cuz u had sex?

You: isn't there anything I can try first

You: yeah they are strict cathlics

You: catholic

Stranger: idk I'm not a doctor.. take a shower and wash it first of all.

You: did that I even tried to drain the puss out but that kinda made it worse

Stranger: u prolly have an STI or something, sorry to say, but I took a class about that and those are some of the signs of gonnarhea,however u spell it.

You: how can this happen

You: this was both of ours first time

Stranger: maybe she wasn't really a virgin

Stranger: maybe she lied

You: she was I have known her for ever

You: she would lie to me

Stranger: okay it is prolly just all the hormones, the rash will prolly go away in a couple days, not kidding.

You: wouldn't*

You: it really itched bad

You: are you sure

Stranger: yeah.

You: ok

Stranger: u obviously don;t have gonnarhea so rashs go away within a couple days.

You: ok thanks that makes me feel better

Stranger: yepp

You: how long do you think it will last?

Stranger: like a week max.

Stranger: prolly less tho

You: is there anyting I should put on it to help it?

Stranger: idk..

Stranger: medicine for rashs prolly.

You: ok gotta go will see if we have anything for that here

You: thanks

You have disconnected.

 

 

you guys think I wll be ok :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hey

You: are you a woman?

Stranger: whats up?

Stranger: no

You: are you gay?

Stranger: no

You: are you Chuck Norris?

Stranger: yes

You: Hi I'm Bruce Lee

Stranger: i killed bruce lee this morning

Stranger: while i was reading the paper

Stranger: and eating breakfast

Stranger: and doing jessica alba

You: I killed Chuck Norris twice while I ate rice cakes

Stranger: all at the same time of course

You: this conversation is epic

Stranger: no

Stranger: i

Stranger: am epic

You: Only Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee can have a convo this epic.. and only Chuck Norris can say a convo this epic is not epic making it an epic convo

You: So do you like pancakes?

Stranger: i invented pancakes

Stranger: it was the day after i killed hitler

You: Thank you

You: for the pancakes... not for Hitler

Stranger: all i had to do was stare into his eyes

Stranger: he was forced to take that pill

You: You are a pretty cool dude. Want to see me naked?

Stranger: i already have

Stranger: but whats 1 more time

You: Sorry I have to go... the peoples house I broke into are pulling into the garage.

Stranger: kk

Stranger: i thought you were going to let me see you naked?

You: I am, I just have to not get arrested first

Stranger: bruce lee cannot get arrested

Stranger: im female btw lol

You: I lied... Im not Bruce Lee, ARE YOU HAPPY!!!

You: A girl...oh, well I'm gay

You have disconnected.

 

Is this person on CR?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi my name is qwerty

Stranger: asdf, nice to meet you

You: cr?

You: it means nothing

You: so tell me about yourself

Stranger: Well, I'm the big man.

Stranger: And you're a turkey fucker.

You: i do like eating turkey

You: it is true

You: i like chickens better

Stranger: What the hell is that supposed to mean.

You: chickens taste better then turkey?

You: what you don't feel that way?

Stranger: Have you got any scientific evidence for this bullshit you're spewing out?

You: yes try frying each one in oil

You: then eat

You: it will speak for itself

Stranger: You monster!

Stranger: Why would you do that?

You: makes it taste better

Stranger: Turkey's are our equals.

Stranger: *-'

Stranger: We should be making love to them, not eating them.

You: what are your feeling on sheep?

Stranger: It's got a unique taste.

You: i know someone on CR who likes to make love to them

Stranger: What's CR?

You: you ever see a donkey show before?

Stranger: Only in real life.

You: CR is like that

Stranger: Quite nice.

Stranger: How was tennis?

You: sometimes i do CR with no pants on

You: i dont do tennis sorry

Stranger: I do everything.

Stranger: It's my fetish.

You: furries are my fetish

You: like cheetara on the thundercats. she is hot

Stranger: Wai-

Stranger: Wha-

Stranger: Carry on.

You: THUNDERCATS

You: hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Stranger: Let's say you got to go 'one-on-one' with Cheetara, how would that unfold?

You: in her butt?

Stranger: I like your way of thinking.

Stranger: I would hire you if you weren't so anonymous and lacking a picture of yourself naked with a baguette stuck up your bum.

You: that is just how i roll

You: last night i licked a girls asshole for the first time

You: and it was pretty fucking fresh

Stranger: The act or the asshole?

You: i still fucked her afterwards though

You: so what i am saying is if you haven't

You: i mean you got to get a girl who bathes properly

You: you don't want any bull doggin ass

You: you don't want to go there

Stranger: It's OK to go ass to mouth in the heat of the moment.

You: but what im saying

You: if you getting down with a girl... who has good personal hygine

You: you should lick her butthole

You: because it was pretty fuckin fresh and i liked it a lot

Stranger: I'm not really a ladies' man...

Stranger: I'm a turkey man.

Stranger: I'm the big man.

Stranger: And you're a turkey fucker.

You: you should try it at least once

You: at least i am not an uncle fucker

Stranger: Hey, to each his own.

You: no my way is right and you are wrong

Stranger: That's what I said.

Stranger: Totally.

Stranger: How old are you?

You: hey do you like movies about gladiators?

Stranger: Yes.

Stranger: A lot.

You: really?

Stranger: Yeah, have you seen that movie

Stranger: Gladiator

Stranger: And

Stranger: ...

Stranger: And

Stranger: ...

Stranger: Yeah, that.

Stranger: It was pretty good.

You: what about others?

You: You ever been in a cockpit before?

Stranger: Yes.

Stranger: Does World Trade Center ring a bell?

You: have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?

Stranger: Tu-Turk

Stranger: No.

Stranger: I have not.

You: 9/11

Stranger: 11/9 more like it.

You: no that isn't the right date

Stranger: You want to date?

Stranger: I'd love to!

Stranger: Where, how, when?!

Stranger: I thought you'd never ask!

You: Have you ever seen a grown man naked before?

Stranger: ...

Stranger: I guess I've seen my dad?

You: i havent i was just curious

Stranger: Haven't you got a dad?

You: no

Stranger: Aw, man.

Stranger: I'm sorry.

You: yeah it is bad chapter in my life

Stranger: What about your mother?

You: she is a whore i don't talk to her

Stranger: Goddamn, Rorschach, that's pretty hardcore.

You: i killed my dad when he told me my pinewood derby car would never win

You: he was very mean to me

Stranger: But not anymore!

Stranger: Justice has been done.

Stranger: Light once again shines upon the Shire.

You: something like that

Stranger: I must say.

Stranger: You're incredibly boring to talk to.

Stranger: I mean that in a bad way.

You: you are not any better

You: you need to work on it

Stranger: I don't need to be a chef to know the food is bad.

You: i wasn't cooking food

You: are you confused

Stranger: Well.

Stranger: I guess we both need training.

Stranger: I'm going to continue mine, are you too?

You: how can we train together

Stranger: WE SIT UNDER WATERFALL

Stranger: AND TRAIN

Stranger: FOR DAYS

You: that sounds pretty kinky

You: is that normal

Stranger: Yes.

Stranger: Yes, it is.

You: oh just checking i was scared for a minute

You: like i had a mini heart attack

You: must be from all the chicken i eat

You: fried

Stranger: Very blackish.

You: with hot sauce

Stranger: Yummy.

Stranger: Is it male hot sauce?

You: what does blackish mean?

You: is that some kind of racial slur?

Stranger: It's a horse in the lord of the rings...

You: that sounds nerdy

You: i don't follow you

Stranger: Oh, yeah?

Stranger: Gimli gets your spot, then.

You: i have to pee real bad

You: like my teeth are floating

You: but this is so interesting i can't leave

Stranger: Very much so.

You: cr?

Stranger: I don't think it's normal for teeth to be floating.

You: it happens a lot i have a mouth full of pee

Stranger: But pee is-

Stranger: Isn't pee poisonous?

You: u never had pee in your mouth?

You: you can drink your pee once

You: after that it is poisonous

You: didn't you ever watch water world?

You: what country are you in?

Stranger: England.

Stranger: You?

You: USA

You: i know they have movies in England I was there a few months ago

You: they have a lot of Wii avertisments too

Stranger: We have a lot of things in England.

Stranger: We invented your country.

You: i know i saw lots of things when i went

You: even the boston tea party coffee shop

You: that was pretty neat

Stranger: You know your way around, chap.

You: Bath was an interesting city

Stranger: Why don't you start living in the superior country?

You: because every place i ate at they had no idea what the drink Mt Dew was

You: i forbidded myself to ever live in england because of that

You: all you guys drink is pepsi and coke

You: that gets boring

Stranger: You could export it there.

You: that gets expensive

You: also no one had fried chicken wings

You: that is a no no

You: but the fish and chips was awesome

You: over here we don't have pieces of fish bigger then your plate

Stranger: We do try.

You: you guys have French made cars though

You: that is pretty gay

You: it was worse when that was the car i rented for the week

Stranger: Well, we like to make the French make our stuff.

Stranger: It's easier that way.

Stranger: Quality goes down, but it's a work load off our mind.

You: i only saw one ford mustang over there on the M3

You: you guys need to get with the times

You: and get a real car

Stranger: Such as?

You: what city town/village do you live in anyways?

Stranger: London.

You: because i visited about 10 when i was there

You: oh london that place was a rip off

You: it was like being in new york city

You: I wont go back to London when I visit England again

Stranger: YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE QUEEN

You: i might go back to Glastenbury thiough

You: the queen is overrated

You: what is up with the street signs in your country

You: for real

You: there are no directions on them

You: just cities or towns plus the name of the road

You: if you don't know what tiny villages are on your way to a desination then you get lost real quick

You: here we have the highway name plus the direction the road travels.

You: it is much easier that way

Stranger: But-

Stranger: Everyone in England knows every village.

Stranger: It's just you Americans with your big cars and lack of knowledge of the English area.

You: heh isn't that the same for any person visiting your country?

Stranger: Oh, no.

You: we even have a numbering system for our highways

Stranger: I'm pretty sure it's just Americans.

You: Even numbers always run east and west

You: Odd numbers always run north and south

You: oh and the turn abouts or round abouts in your country LOL

You: no traffic lights this is new

You: I must say the street I live on does have a traffic circle

You: but we go counter clockwise around it

You: and you said i was boring at least i am talking

You: hey did you fall asleep on me?

You: or you masterbating too hard to type?

Stranger: adsfä

Stranger: Falling asleep, man.

You: it isn't that late there

Stranger: It's 3:23 AM here.

You: we still have diners open at 3am

You: you guys shut down at 9pm or sometimes earlier

You: what is up with that?

Stranger: Depends on the diner.

Stranger: If there are whores available or not.

You: we have some places that serve food 24/7 i didn't find anything like that

You: not even in Oxford the college town

You: i thought for sure something there would be open real late but i was wrong

Stranger: Well, you know.

Stranger: Err.

Stranger: French cars.

Stranger: And all that jazz.

You: Pegouets?

You: or however it is spelled

Stranger: Peugot?

You: yes that is it

You: remember i r dumb american

You: fat too

Stranger: I bet you are.

Stranger: All Americans are fat.

You: workaholic

You: i am still at work right now

Stranger: You should watch some porn.

Stranger: Lighten things up.

Stranger: Invite the boss.

Stranger: Two fat cocks together.

Stranger: Oil.

You: this is hot enough for me

You: i will watch porn later

Stranger: The boss will be disappointed in you.

Stranger: You might get fired.

You: he isn't here

You: he left 4 hours ago

Stranger: That's what you think.

Stranger: Did you check the cleaning cabinet?

You: no i talked to him on his blackberry

You: he is at home

Stranger: He loves you, man.

Stranger: He totally does.

You: i bet

You: that is why he married someone else

Stranger: He didn't think he had a chance with you

You: well i am going to go to the bar now since work is over

You: eat friend chicken and have a cold pint or 5

You: you know how it is with fat kids

You: alcohol doesnt affect me until i drank 6

Stranger: They have fried chicken at the bar?

You: HELL YES THEY DO

Stranger: That's quite a bar you have.

You: why wouldn't they?

Stranger: Why am I not invited?

You: they have a full 5 page menu at the bar. many choices

Stranger: Y U H8 ME?

You: hop on a plane

You: you are buying the first round when you get here

You: deal?

You: or no deal?

You: i will show you what real pub life is all about

You: respect

Stranger: Why

You: thjen later you can show me your big ben

Stranger: Should I buy the first round?

You: AMIRITE?

You: that is how it works in this country don't ask questions

You: just do it

Stranger: That's what they told me in the toll when I went to America.

Stranger: Then they raped me.

You: sounds normal

You: we like butt sex for sure

You: ok really you are cutting into my drinking time

You: have a good night

You: carry on and whatever you guys like to say

You have disconnected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hi

You: so this one time i was dipping my nuts in this freaks mouth when all of a sudden her dick touched my leg

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: so this one time i was dipping my nuts in this freaks mouth when all of a sudden her dick touched my leg

Stranger: oh shit

You: thats what i said as i instantly ejacualted on her face

You: She made the best waffles

Stranger: right thing to do

You: her name was phillip. i miss her

Stranger: :(

Your conversational partner has disconnected

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: hi

You: whatgs up

Stranger: nothin watching tv

Stranger: u

You: same

You: where are you from?

Stranger: new jersey

You: wow thats unfortunate

You have disconnected

 

This is too much fun. Whoever thought this up is a genius.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hey

Stranger: this is my one chat of the night

You: chocolate rain?

Stranger: what is that

You: some stay dry and others feel the pain

Stranger: i'm going to leave

You: chocolate rain

Stranger: at least i can go to bed now

You: a baby born will die before the sin

Your conversational partner has disconnected

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2234 users online

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: hey

Stranger: what sup

You: whatsup?

Stranger: not much really bored

Stranger: you

You: lol, chilling

You: before bed

Stranger: haha same

Stranger: so tell me are you gonna bullshit me like the last conversation i had with this "stranger"

You: yes

You: ya caught me

You: :p

Stranger: who said he was going to princeton and gave me a fake picture

Stranger: i mean i know its fun

You: haha

Stranger: but gotta just be real sometimes

Stranger: are you a girl

You: are you?

Stranger: well

Stranger: i could say yes

You: well?

You: LOL

Stranger: but really say no

Stranger: see you can lie your ass

Stranger: offff

Stranger: and you could do the same so

You: how horrible!

Stranger: either way i wont know if youre saying the truth

Stranger: are you typing

You: In reality, I am infact Dr. Phil. This is a specifically setup "chat" and I'm confronting you because people who you are close with worry that you have "trust issues". How does that make you feel?

Stranger: I feel like that was kind of clever

Stranger: so props

You: there is a reason why I have a multi-million dollar TV show

You: So, I'm going to be honest with you, this chat is being recorded.

Stranger: i almost believed you

Stranger: you are totally a girl

You: Would you be willing to sign a waiver, so we can use this in my upcoming progam; "internet scamming, an issue of trust"?

Stranger: negative

You: hmm, well "stranger" your family has already signed off on having their images/consults used. Thanks for your time. Look for our little chat on my upcoming show! toodles!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello stranger

Stranger: asl?

Stranger: just letting you know, i'm a male, still interested?

You: SEXYTIME DANCE PARTY!

Stranger: u a fuckin nerd/

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: what's up

You: So this one time...... I was making this girl's pussy so wet it began to drip onto the floor, and I was like "Bitch Goddamn! Don't get that mess on the carpet!". True story

You: How does that make you feel?

Stranger: suck

You: you feel suck? do you have so much mass that you have your own gravitational pull. Are you imploding into yourself?!?!

Stranger: BLABLABLA....

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stranger: Hello

You: good evening

Stranger: How are you doing?

You: i'm fine thanks

You: and you?

Stranger: Glad to hear it. I'm doing wonderful.

Stranger: Would you happen to be an attractive woman with a nice pair of breasts?

You: unfortunately not

You: but my mother is

Stranger: hmm

You: would you like me to send you some pictures of her in the nude?

Stranger: This has a 50/50 shot of being either very awesome or a troll.

Stranger: Am I willing to take the risk?

You: do not know if want?

Stranger: Not sure if want.

Stranger: I mean even if it *is* a troll, you get mad props for effort.

You: i appreciate it, stranger

You: should I go all the way, and go find some generic pictures of women that could be someone's mother?

Stranger: Way ahead of you, sir.

You: ah, well then

You: i'll do my part as well

Stranger: *high five*

Stranger: By the way, the game.

 

 

...I just lost it.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

this thread is old as hell.....but this is too damn fun.....

 

Stranger: hello!

You: i love you

Stranger: no you don't

Stranger: yout hink that's funny?

You: i think i do

Stranger: fuck you

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest tbutera2112

Stranger: hi

You: hola

Stranger: m/f?

You: f

You: sexXxy time?

Stranger: yeaayyy!!

Stranger: i'm male

Stranger: i'm very horny now!

You: me too!

Stranger: blow job pleasee....

You: ok...but just be fragile with your teeth....my penis is very fragile

Stranger: what??? penis?

Stranger: male / female?

You: female

Stranger: hahaha

Stranger: you're very funny

You: ?

Stranger: suck my dick please

Stranger: i'm on fire!!!

Stranger: hahaha

You: fire? sounds like you need a doc...my penis never burns

Stranger: it means i'm very horny!!!

Stranger: do you have a big boobs?

You: my penis isnt "horny" either....that would hurt a girl...like fucking a piece of tree bark

You: they are huge and hairy boobs

You: mmm

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...