thoughts on dating a girl with a kid

[evan9381]

i figure what better place to get some guys thoughts and opinions on this, and im sure there will be a wide variety.

 

what's your thoughts/opinions/past experiences? i've never wanted kids, i'm good with them, but i like to be able to give them back. its the best thing about being an uncle. i've had my own rule of not wanting to get involved with girls with a kid/kids...recently, i've been out with 2 different girls, both of which had a kid. for the most part, it didn't seem bad, but the kid situation was still sitting on the top of my mind. so i was kind of rethinking my stance, and im trying to weigh pros and cons. i know theres nothing wrong with having a kid, but it seems like there could be a decent amount of bullshit to have to deal with with an ex, let alone getting far enough into a relationship that you'd basically HAVE to be somewhat involved with someone elses kid since he/she would always be around.

 

so, lets hear it. im interested to hear from all sides.

[Furloaf]

If I don't want children myself then I for damn sure do not want someone else's.

[Browning]

this thread will weed out the children from the men. Unless she's wanting you to be daddy it shouldn't be a problem.

 

Pros: Kids can be awesome

Kids bring out the kid in yourself

 

Cons: If/when you and the mom break up, it'll suck if you're attached to the kid

Dealing with the kids father

[RedRocket1647545505]

The girl I'm currently dating has a 3yo girl. It's definitely a different experience. Myself, I've never wanted kids and that isn't changing any. I have just come to accept the reality that as I get older, so are the girls who I'll be dating and that increases that likelihood that they might have a kid.

 

I've come to the realization that you rarely get any 'alone' time. My GF and I are both nurses, working 3x12hr. shifts per week. She works days, I work nights. Her and the baby daddy have shared parenting, which is great for the kid. But it also leads the GF to want the kid every time she isn't working, which is understandable, but it also leads to us not being able to do anything by ourselves. If I want to spend time with the GF, then 95% of the time, the kid will be there. Can't really go out and see any movies or do 'adult' things. Everything I plan has to be kid oriented. It's definitely different and I'm still not sure I even like it.

 

The kid is great. She is extremely intelligent for her age, but she is also 3 years old and being that age, she can be a giant pain in the ass. I get aggravated at my GF sometime because of the way she disciplines (or doesn't...) the kid. "1-minute of timeout for every year of age'' is what she tells me. In my opinion, it should be 1 lashing for every year. But I don't dare state my opinion for fear of momma bear making an appearance. So I find it best to shut up and mind my own business. But it does get annoying when the kid is in a whiny/crying mood and all I want to tell her to do is to shut the fuck up. I constantly have to remind myself that she's only 3 (again, this is new to me). I also get annoyed when her mom feeds into it.

 

The kid's dad is an alright guy. Has a job. Buys her things. Pays for half of the babysitting cost, but I think he hates me; not that I give a shit. The kid, for whatever reason, absolutely adores me and talks about me constantly, even when she's with him. I can understand him being a bit jealous, but I personally think he should be happy for her. It's not like I'm some deadbeat who beats her and her mom.

 

Anyways, if the relationship ended tomorrow I wouldn't be too sad. The kid is great overall, but I'm just not much of a kid person. Never have been.

[2pointslow]

in b4 dover.

[Rustlestiltskin]

Way I looked at it was a girl with a kid is damaged goods in my eyes. There's plenty of women out there without kids.

No need to settle for a woman who had some guy jizz in her and have a kid pop out that's not yours. Fuck that. Now if you just want to get you hump on then have at it. single moms will put out alot just to try and keep men with them.

[Rustlestiltskin]

Way I looked at it was a girl with a kid is damaged goods in my eyes. There's plenty of women out there without kids.

No need to settle for a women who had some guy jizz in her and have a kid pop out that's not yours. Fuck that. Now if you just want to get you hump on then have at it. single moms will put out alot just to try and keep men with them.

 

Oh and inb4 Dover

[Trouble Maker]

this thread will weed out the children from the men.

 

Explain please.

[Rustlestiltskin]

Explain please.

 

Hes trying to make himself

Seem like this grown man because he's dating a girl with a kid while guys who stray away from single moms are kids. I always lol at guys who date women with kids. Single moms are classic examples of what we call "hot potato's". They always get passed around alot but nobody wants to get stuck with them. Least that's how my buddies and I looked at them before we all got married (to kidless women btw).

[Browning]

Explain please.

 

because only a child would say something like

http://www.columbusracing.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1546802&postcount=6

[Browning]

Hes trying to make himself

Seem like this grown man because he's dating a girl with a kid while guys who stray away from single moms are kids. I always lol at guys who date women with kids. Single moms are classic examples of what we call "hot potato's". They always get passed around alot but nobody wants to get stuck with them. Least that's how my buddies and I looked at them before we all got married (to kidless women btw).

 

wrong but nice try at being clever

[John Bruh]

I'm in the opposite as you. I have a three year old son, and my g.f doesn't have any. It definetly shows how much she cares for me.

 

The thing you need to realize is like what Austin said. I have shared parenting (for now Atleast until court in may, then I should have full custody). When I'm off work I have my son, except for a couple times like Wednesday night and every other Friday and Saturday. So chances are actual going out on dates will be challenging. Unless she has a strong family network that will babysit at the drop of a hat. My family isn't close in distance, and the ones that are it's pointless to ask them. So basically dating will most likely be taking the girl out with her daughter. So think family every time.

 

I have the crazy ex to deal with and it does complicate things. Because if she does something stupid with my son (i.e. parenting completely wrong, shit with her bf, pick up/drop off complications) Then a lot of the time it puts me in a shitty or short mood. This will affect your relationship if she's not understanding. My gf is amazing with my son and her family is as well. I think if things weren't this great we wouldn't be together still. And it's nothing wrong with her it's just I'm 24 with a failed previous relationship and don't want another long term one. But the relationship between her and her family is worth risking another long term relationship over my previous insecurities.

 

When I met my gf she told me she never wanted a kid, just as your stating. Which was perfect for me. My son has a sister so he's not an only child. So since he has a sibling to play with, so I'm done with having kids. We've been dating for a year and the longer and longer the better and better things are between all of us. Now here's the complication. Things have gotten so well she's changed her mind from not wanting to have kids to wanting to have one with me. I still haven't changed so we've had a few fights over this.

 

Basically there are good things and bad things as to dating someone with a kid. If you do date you need to sit down with her and go over everything. Be realistic and able to compromise. Also don't get so comfortable with spending a lot of time with her and her kid. Make the effort to get a baby sitter and take her out. She's not just a mother she will need this too.

 

If I were to break up with my gf it would make my son pretty sad. And it his is something I don't want to do, but something that could happen. If I were to ever break up with my gf I don't think I would date someone with a kid. There are too many variables to change shit.

 

 

Also don't fall for a gold digging whore. A lot of girls just want someone to be the father of their kid. You end up getting so attached with the kid they treat you like shit. This is happening to someone I know now.

Good luck.

[Not Brian]

My girl has two kids and she's more mature than some bar skank who has never had responsibilities. Just depends on the girl I guess.

[HotCarl]

i figure what better place to get some guys thoughts and opinions on this, and im sure there will be a wide variety.

 

what's your thoughts/opinions/past experiences? i've never wanted kids, i'm good with them, but i like to be able to give them back. its the best thing about being an uncle. i've had my own rule of not wanting to get involved with girls with a kid/kids...recently, i've been out with 2 different girls, both of which had a kid. for the most part, it didn't seem bad, but the kid situation was still sitting on the top of my mind. so i was kind of rethinking my stance, and im trying to weigh pros and cons. i know theres nothing wrong with having a kid, but it seems like there could be a decent amount of bullshit to have to deal with with an ex, let alone getting far enough into a relationship that you'd basically HAVE to be somewhat involved with someone elses kid since he/she would always be around.

 

so, lets hear it. im interested to hear from all sides.

 

Ok I'm going to reply without reading anyone else's reply so excuse me if i sound repetitive. I've dated alot, and I've dated women who had kids aswell. My experience is that you have to understand the order of importance and that you will ALWAYS be 2nd or 3rd. So if your the type who wants/needs someone's full attention then keep walking.

 

A rule I always had was I didn't want to meet the kid until 1 year into the relationship. This prevents me from being just another dude their mom dated and was in and out of their lives like all the rest. If your to the point of meeting the kid (and it doesn't have to be a year, that's just what i use, I'm sure there are other extenuating circumstances) then you should be pretty committed to that person.

 

As for raising a kid that's not yours. That's up to you. This isn't the 50's/60's anymore the modern family is a lot different than it use to be so who cares that the kids isn't biologically yours? Then again if you view children as more of a nuisance than anything then maybe you should stay away from them all together, it definitely takes a level of maturity that some guys just don't have. (not insinuating that's your case, just making a point)

[Crossle]

Ask yourself this: Do I want kids? If yes, then think am I mature enough for this big step? At that point, your not only dating the girl, you have to think about her and her child. I don't see anything wrong with it but it's all you!

[Patterson]

My Wife and oldest were a "set" when we met. That was 12 years ago (this year will be 10 married) this weekend. I won't say it hasn't been a long road, with lots of baby daddy drama but I learned a ton along the way, realized my parents werent complete idiots. Nathan and I bicker constantly but he and I are pretty much best friends. It wont be wine, legos, and roses but its a great time. And you'll learn patience. Best way to judge it is see how excited she is when the kid is gone, or if she uses him as a block from the world. Too much of either is a bad thing.

[verse]

If you honestly don't want kids, then it's a no brainer. You're going to get less alone time, your money eventually will go towards the kid and taking care of it, and you will need to be responsible. Honestly though if I didn't have a kid I'd be weary of relationships like Austin spoke about. If you can't agree with her about how she's raising the child, it'll probably never change. You'll bite your tongue so many times that eventually it's going to bite you in the ass. The girl will side with what's best for their child 100% of the time.

 

I am a single father and I've had a few girls say they don't want kids/guys with kids. This doesn't bother me, just makes me think they are much to irresponsible to care for a child.

[Sturg1647545502]

start picking up girls at the abortion clinic. you know they put out and you know they take care of business if situation arises.

 

All things being equal, i cant find one reason that dating a chick with a kid that would trump dating a chick who hasn't had an 8lb bowling ball through her vag or c-sectioned out. I'd be one thing if youre dating 30 somethings...but youre what 26?

 

Maturity has nothing to do with it. Do you want to subject yourself to potential baby mama drama or not? Before you know it you broke up but you have to move back in with her and kid for financial reasons... shes out gangbanging CR members and you're getting e-crucified in the kitchen.

 

relationships can be hard enough....risk avoidance

[BDHG940]

John had good points.

[Trouble Maker]

because only a child would say something like

http://www.columbusracing.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1546802&postcount=6

 

Ok, because I thought you meant one could only be considered a man if he would want to take care of the kid, or any kid in general.

[Littleguy]

Before you know it you broke up but you have to move back in with her and kid for financial reasons... shes out gangbanging CR members and you're getting e-crucified in the kitchen.

 

:gabe:

 

As far as the topic, I've had sex with plenty of women with kids....I just wouldn't date one. :megusta:

[kirks5oh]

if you have absolutely no intention of being a father or having kids, then, for the child's sake---stay away. no point in messing around with a single mother, meeting the child, having them become attached to you, only to ditch both of them when you confirm the fact you don't want to be a parent. sure, the mom might be able to move on, but that fucks kids up.

[Diamonds]

i would not do it.

 

no joke, but... there are plenty of other fish in the sea with less baggage (kids).

 

its actually kind of like buying an already-built car. i'd rather do it on my own terms. you know?

 

You dont want to be the chump thats picking up someone elses problems....

 

 

 

CLIFFS NOTES - "damaged goods"

[Johny Utah]

Being with a Woman that has a kid is so hard if you have different veiws on how to discipline her kid. It will not work out in the end. It will rip your relationship apart.

[TTQ B4U]

i figure what better place to get some guys thoughts and opinions on this, and im sure there will be a wide variety.

 

what's your thoughts/opinions/past experiences? i've never wanted kids, i'm good with them, but i like to be able to give them back. its the best thing about being an uncle. i've had my own rule of not wanting to get involved with girls with a kid/kids...recently, i've been out with 2 different girls, both of which had a kid. for the most part, it didn't seem bad, but the kid situation was still sitting on the top of my mind. so i was kind of rethinking my stance, and im trying to weigh pros and cons. i know theres nothing wrong with having a kid, but it seems like there could be a decent amount of bullshit to have to deal with with an ex, let alone getting far enough into a relationship that you'd basically HAVE to be somewhat involved with someone elses kid since he/she would always be around. so, lets hear it. im interested to hear from all sides.

 

If you don't want kids and find yourself as you spend time with them you still don't want them, then leave her alone for the sake of the kid. The moment a child is in the picture, but all accounts, the world revolves around them and certainly not you. I'm a father and very happy and that's the way it is and should be. We didn't change a whole lot between how my wife and I interact or what we do, as we expect the "family" to partake in events. However, no doubt, a child comes first.

 

If you find yourself in love and enjoying her company and the above paragraph doesn't apply to you, then focus on her. She's not likely going to judge you just on how you treat her, but likely how you and the child interact first. If you two don't click, but you and her do, you're likely still "out"

 

Kids are awesome and as a father, I will say even I didn't know that until I made the commitment to my wife to make the leap. I'd do it all over again just the same, only I'd likely have them earlier.

 

I don't what to say but to hold true to my signature for Gabe, I must say one last thing. I suggest you talk with her about things up front and define needs and expectations on both sides. It is somewhat a business decision for both of you as there's a third party involved.

 

Good luck, have fun and enjoy the moments man. I personally wouldn't let a child come in between me and someone I enjoyed. Believe it or not, it could be one of the best things to happen to you and might just bring you up a few levels in terms of life's lessons and growing up. Not that you're immature, but believe me, having kid in the picture changes you. Changing you for good or bad is up to you not a fault or result of the kid.