How do you stay positive?

[TTQ B4U]

Serious question for everyone:

 

Life is tough, throws a lot of pressure, stress and demands on us all. Sometimes it just bears down on us all and just sucks the life out of us.

 

What do you do to stay positive?

How do you fight focusing on the negatives and hard times?

 

Share what works. I could use the good reads. Sure many could.

 

Thanks.

[Guest tbutera2112]

go for a spirited drive

[KillJoy]

Play with our Daughter......

 

Then a good drink when she goes to bed.

 

:thumbup:

 

KillJoy

[Dan1647545506]

go for a spirited drive

 

thats mine.

 

i love driving it calms me down and i can think straight. doesnt have to be a certain place just anywhere

[TTQ B4U]

http://www.columbusracing.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1066530#post1066530

 

:D:D:D:D

[kirks5oh]

i will go for a drive, work on one of my cars, or play with my girls. i also have a list of obstacles in my head, that i've overcome in my life--different failures that i've dealt with and made it through. i'll recall those events and realize that what i'm going through at this time is nothing compared to what i made it through in the past--this works well

[SpaceGhost]

Every time when I pick up my daughter from daycare and she runs to me and jumps in my arms is all I need. It reminds me of what is really important.

[Snowflake]

What keeps me going is thinking about however bad I have it right now. Someone else not to far away has it worse.

 

I'm happy just surviving...

[Littleguy]

Having been through a few difficult times I can tell you that from my experience there are a number of things that you can do. For myself, I can tell you that the times in my life that I have had the most difficulty have brought me a lot of pain and worry, but I have been able to look at what I do have at those times.

 

When I came to live here in Ohio I came after a bad relationship where I literally lost almost everything that I had worked hard to get for many years...my job, my house in Houston, my savings, my credit, flat screen tv, all of my physical possessions in the world except for a few things: my car, 2 shirts, 1 pair of pants, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pair underwear, 3 pair socks; Literally, everything else I owned was gone, and I only had about $5 to my name. When I got here having come from making 90K last year and having that all taken away from me along with the shit I was put through in the relationship I was pretty much at rock bottom.

 

I am not ashamed to admit that I have cried a lot this year, more than any other in my life, even when my father died. But, a lot of those tears have been of joy after coming to Columbus. Some people I know from this site, along with others were so kind to me when I got here; helping me start over, giving me a bed to sleep in, and letting me eat with them when I literally had nothing to give back. The kindness of these people and what it means to me is too much to express with words, and having lost everything it made it so much easier to see how lucky I really was to have these people around me. So I guess my first piece of advice is to ask for and accept help from people around you that you can trust (don't take advantage of course). Before this year I hated to ask for help from anybody for anything, but I have learned that even having someone that can just listen to you or give you a hug when you need it can make a huge difference. The people that care about you want to help you, so let them.

 

Another thing I can say that helps when things are overwhelming is meditative prayer (or whatever you want to call it if you aren't religious). For me the nights are the most difficult times. Durring the day it is easier to distract yourself from your problems with work, friends, etc....But at night when you are by yourself is when negative thoughts can eat away at you, and for me it is like a black hole that can just suck you lower and lower. Meditative prayer or ceaseless prayer is just picking a short, positive phrase that you can say to yourself over and over without stopping. When you do this your brain almost doesn't have time for the negative thoughts, lol. Sometimes this helps for me, sometimes it doesn't.

 

I won't write all night, but the last thing that has helped me is faith. NOT TRYING TO SELL GOD TO ANYBODY HERE, SO DON'T THINK I AM!! With all the negatives in my life some are literally overwhelming, these are the ones I give to God. I think about the problems, I do everything I can to solve them, and after I have done what I can I let it go (much easier said than done). Faith maybe something for fools, but it can also be a light at the end of the tunnel when everything seems dark and overwhelming. Is the light real? I don't know, that's why it's called faith. What I can tell you for sure is that real or not it helps to have it there.

 

I don't know if I'm ignorant, stupid, or lucky but for me, the darkness helps me to appreciate the light even more. Thank you to the people who have been lights for me, you know who you are.

[verse]

Anyone who has read any of the threads I've started the last year or so would know I've been through a lot this past year. I've broken down to the point where I thought life wasn't worth living anymore(at one point I had my USP at my head ready the pull the trigger...I don't care if I get flamed), then I just look at my son and everything is put back into perspective.

 

Now I'm actually getting back onto my feet and I'm glad that I could never put my son through a selfish act like that. I'm getting my bills caught up, should be able to keep my house, and I've found a new girl who is amazing. My son still doesn't have a grandmother, but I'll make sure he knows how much he loved her when he was young and how awesome she was.

[TTQ B4U]

Your new name is LittleBigGuy. Great insight and advice. Sounds like you can definitely relate. The parents growing old part is tough for sure. Certainly not something that I'm strong at. However, I am being tested.

 

I owe you a beer. Kevin Clifford too. Call me on that guys.

 

Having been through a few difficult times I can tell you that from my experience there are a number of things that you can do..............<snip>

[gillbot]

Play with our Daughter......

 

:thumbup:

 

KillJoy

 

[cNeutron]

I have lost both of my parents and staying positive is hard. I would like to think though i am really positive. It helps a lot to have a good friend base. I can always count on them and they were with me through everything during both times. Mentally I remain good because of what my parents made me become. They built me right ever since I was a little kid and know it pays off. I never dove into drugs or drinking.

[Zeppelin]

I just think of how it used to be. Scraping up enough cash for gas money for the week, and still having enough for a few drinks on the weekend too. BARELY making it to work on Friday, running on fumes, because I was cruising around a little too much the previous Saturday night buzzing the ave in Norwalk until 2 am (a 20 minute drive from where I grew up). Then getting layed off from the welding shop not too long after I got married, and having to work at a meat cutters spraying the equipment off after they left with scolding hot water to melt the fat off the equipment. Had to pay the rent, ya know. Now I have a daughter graduating high school this year, and have been married 22 years. Even on the bad days, life ain't so bad now.

[Aaron]

Grab hold of the ones you love, and squeeze. My wife can make finding out my brother has a brain tumor to my dog needing knee surgery to stubbing my toe manageable.

[HAOLE]

About 9 years a ago I started going through some serious depression. I was drinking on a nightly basis, and I thought I would loose my wife soon after we married. At time I would sit in my recliner and cry for hours at a time. On the outside it seemed like I had it all, nice cars, making loads of cash, very successful practice within a year of graduating. Inside I was hurting. The funny thing is I am not realy sure why, I just hated life. Several time I though of ending things but I was too chicken I guess.

 

In 2003 I got saved. My friend invited me to church and and I started attending regularly for several weeks. The pastor gave an invitation for all those that were not 100% sure if they died today, they would go to heaven. On April 18th 2003, I received Chirst as my Lord and Savior. On that day it felt like someone took a ton of bricks off my chest. Since then I have have no problems with depression at all.

 

That's my story.

[wnaplay1647545503]

I have always struggled with stayong positive. Depresion runs rampant throught my family tree and thers alot of times when its tough. certainly if I didnt have my family I probably wouldnt have made it this far. My recent accident has not helped and since I dont work, I dont have the luxury of focusing on it. Waking up somedays and being able to walk and others not is leaving me with mixed feelings and I am finding it harder and harder to stay positive. As I sell my belongings to pay bills and no sign of an end in sight, and am worried for the future If you find something that works, let me know.

[BoostedAce]

I just came back from a drive by myself, I was pissed about a lot of shit including work. Smoke a cig when you get really mad, dont do it a lot though, going threw craigslist always takes my mind off anything, sometimes I will sit there for hours and not even know it.

[Drewhop]

Take it one day at a time.

 

Offer is still open if you need to talk my phone is always on.

 

Oh and I play video games that I get to KILL lots of things that helps as well.

[V8 Beast]

I dont purposely try to stay positive, I embrace the negative. The world is messed up, people are stupid, and making false positives will hurt 3 times more when reality sets in... Now if you have a false negative then I would vote time with friends and family to get out of the funk.

[TheHaze]

I dont purposely try to stay positive, I embrace the negative.

 

This is my attitude most of the time. If something is going on that I consider negative, I take it head on with a "Let's do this!" mentality. I hate having things to dwell on so I have to handle them right then and there. However, those are just for the things that I can control. If it's something I can't control, I will try to read a fiction book or play some video games.

[Draco-REX]

It's tough. There's no quick fix. But part of it is to change your behavior.

 

1. Think of the things that make you happy. If they're thoughts and feelings (like holding your child in your arms) keep those thoughts fresh in your mind. Make them into a "happy place" you can peek into now and then. Eventually, these thoughts will become like a mantra and help you relax and smile.

 

If it's things you do, find time to do them. If you don't have time, make time. Life is too short to sacrifice the things that make you happy. The things that get in the way are always in the way because they are always there. Which means they can wait for you to get in a short drive, or an hour or two with your favorite hobby.

 

2. Now that you have your refuge set up, it's time to address your stress.

 

What's upsetting you? Make a list if you like.

 

Now, what can you REALLY effect? War in the middle east? I don't think so. Separate your list into things you can effect, and things that you can't.

 

What's on your 'I can do something about this' list? Take each problem and break it down until you can come up with a plan to fix it. You don't have to fix it immediately. Just get a plan. Even if it's something like "Get a promotion into <this position> at work." Having a plan, whether immediately realistic or not, will make the problem seem less like a mountain and more surmountable.

 

3. Now for that other list.. The 'I can't do shit about this' list.

 

This is the tough one. Here's where you have to learn to change your behavior. You need to tell yourself that you can't fix it, so you can't worry about it. It'll be tough at first. We are genetically and chemically predisposed to follow old thought/feeling patterns and stay there. We are essentially *ADDICTED* to the ruts we're in. So it take effort to climb out of them.

 

So you have to watch yourself. Whenever you find yourself getting worried about something your can't effect; *stop yourself*, then remind yourself that you can't do anything about it and to let it go. The more you do this, the easier it will get, until you've changed your behavior.

 

4. But what about the future? The future is coming whether we want it to or not. Remember 2 and 3. The things we can effect we can deal with. The other shit doesn't matter. Worrying about hitting a tree won't make the tree go away. But focusing on the car and what you can do with it might get you past the tree.

 

So to simplify: "Don't worry, be happy!" It's a stupid line from a stupid song. But in essence, it's a little bit of truth.

 

Oh, and I almost forgot: STOP WATCHING THE FUCKING NEWS! Might as well declare the world doomed and suck on a tailpipe if you pay attention to the news companies.

[V8 Beast]

This is my attitude most of the time. If something is going on that I consider negative, I take it head on with a "Let's do this!" mentality. I hate having things to dwell on so I have to handle them right then and there. However, those are just for the things that I can control. If it's something I can't control, I will try to read a fiction book or play some video games.

 

 

My outlook on life... When you run from the bad things you never know when or where it may or may not show up again. I hate looking over my shoulder so I'm going to deal with it now...

[TheHaze]

My outlook on life... When you run from the bad things you never know when or where it may or may not show up again. I hate looking over my shoulder so I'm going to deal with it now...

 

I believe this but if it's something I can't control like a death or something, all I can do is try to move on.

[BiG BeN]

I'm reading a book right now that is really making an impact on how I handle things from day to day. It's by the Dalai Lama called "Ethics for the new millennium".

 

It takes an attention span longer than reading posts on CR,but the insight and how it is conveyed from someone that's not even native English is mind blowing.

 

If you're down and out and blowing off steam with whatever means at your disposal, that's just a band-aid. You gotta change your outlook to make a difference in the long run.